I am "exploring" what is known as BDSM

I have never been in a BDSM relationship RL or otherwise.

I have recently, however, through the experiences that life offers us and through some of the postings on the general board, found this theme resonant in many sexual fantasies, though certainly not all.

I can be a kind, considerate, attentive, passionate, and very romantic love-partner. But there is a side to my sexuality that has either been asleep and never truly awakened or simply unborn and finding form.

I am open-minded. I know I enjoy to dominate. I know I enjoy to be dominated. It is new enough to me that I don't even know an intelligent question to ask about it- I am simply taking note of it.

I love sex. I love sex. I love sex. I love it.

I love it. Ya'll are beautiful. Any feedback will be truly welcomed.

Uncertain, Curious, and Excited,

riff

riff, there are many of us here who are beginning to explore other sides of our sexuality. (Those numerous posters who don't believe i have a sexual side can forget they read this, too)

Welcome to our world. Read through the mammoth thread, a couple of pages at a time has been suggested.

Check out some of Wizard's links and join in.


BTW, can i steal your line for another forum?..... Uncertain, curious, excited???

morninggirl5 said:

riff, there are many of us here who are beginning to explore other sides of our sexuality. (Those numerous posters who don't believe i have a sexual side can forget they read this, too)

Welcome to our world. Read through the mammoth thread, a couple of pages at a time has been suggested.

Check out some of Wizard's links and join in.


BTW, can i steal your line for another forum?..... Uncertain, curious, excited???

Click to expand...

I love theives. Be my guest.

Hey, riff... I'm right there with you. I've had Dom fantasies all my life, it feels like, but always dismissed them as just being a quirk of my personality that I couldn't, or shouldn't, devulge to anyone. It takes a while to get used to the idea that anyone would want to be a sub... as well as getting used to the idea that one day *I* might want to try to bottom.

*Shrugs* It's a learning experience, that's for sure.

Imagine knowing every single thing about yourself already…
With nothing more to learn, grow and explore…

Imagine it all being completely cut and dry..with us all fitting into a cookie cutter mold.

I’m not sure if my personal trauma as a turn at being a victim of a very violent act…caused me to be submissive. That alone…kinda freaks me out. Seems so stereotypical…

I never not use caps..because I’m not submissive to you, gentle reader.

And really, people assume that because my IQ is extremely high..how could I ever be submissive?


Sex isn’t a pattern…one size fits all kind of deal.

Which is why..because we all play together..it's all so very interesting.

Dhalgren said:

Imagine knowing every single thing about yourself already…
With nothing more to learn, grow and explore…

Imagine it all being completely cut and dry..with us all fitting into a cookie cutter mold.

Sex isn’t a pattern…one size fits all kind of deal.

Which is why..because we all play together..it's all so very interesting.

Click to expand...

You described what makes life THE grand adventure.

I think I am a "switcher" liking both? Like I said, I don't know anything. I am not confused- more curious than anything.

I do know, however, a vein has been struck. And I am hoping that through this forum, I can learn, maybe experience, and delight even more in what is my grand adventure, my life.

Thanks!

Thought this deserved bumping up, especially for some of the new posters who feel they are too inexperienced to contribute. Is all about exploring what works for you, and often discussing it openly with others accepting and understanding of your position helps tremendously.

Catalina

I don't know anything either.....but have been curious about this for years. I've been lurking and reading both here and at other sites like Castle Realm and submissiveloving.com.....I'm submissive but with a tendency to switch, mostly with women (I am bi). I will be meeting someone in a month to explore this side of me in more detail......

Bandit58 said:

I don't know anything either.....but have been curious about this for years. I've been lurking and reading both here and at other sites like Castle Realm and submissiveloving.com.....I'm submissive but with a tendency to switch, mostly with women (I am bi). I will be meeting someone in a month to explore this side of me in more detail......

Click to expand...

Congratulations on having the courage to begin your exploration. From my own experience I can highly recommend it. I'm not sure the exploring aspect will ever stop for me as apart from my own curiousities, Master has a few he would also like me to experience when the time is right. I think there is always more anyone in the lifestyle can learn which in part is why I encourage even those who feel they are too inexperienced to contribute. Often, not only does it help their experience of their sexuality and needs, but also provides those who have been established for awhile with an opportunity to revisit the newness through fresh eyes....the result can often highlight something you yourself missed on your initial experimentations.

Catalina

Curious, what a meagre word to describe what im feeling.
I wish there were someone who i could kidnap for a weekend, and ask every question i have.
I knew i wanted something else from sex. My sexuality has felt stifled and stilted, until.....

One day, a really good male friend of mine, sort of ordered me to do something. A shock of desire shot through my body at his words. Nobody had ever talked to me in this way since ive been an adult.

But having looked on line at various Doms, well, i dont respect them, and so baulk at their words. In fact, their attitude seems to invoke anger within me. I feel goaded into fighting with them. So perhaps im not so sub.

I really enjoy the domme role, but my concentration on being domme falls by the wayside as i become more aroused and lose it completely.

Its questions leading to questions that lead to more questions. So infuriating!

A friend lent me Midoris book on Japanese bondage, there is a scenario as seen through the eyes of a sub and same senario as seen by eyes of a dom. I wanted both!

Sometimes my sexuality is too strong for me, it interferes with work etc. I hate the way my body is sometimes. Walking round like a bitch on heat is not always appropriate.

Isnt there a questionnaire or something?

shelleb4 said:

Curious, what a meagre word to describe what im feeling.
I wish there were someone who i could kidnap for a weekend, and ask every question i have.
I knew i wanted something else from sex. My sexuality has felt stifled and stilted, until.....

One day, a really good male friend of mine, sort of ordered me to do something. A shock of desire shot through my body at his words. Nobody had ever talked to me in this way since ive been an adult. We were friends and so no go there.

But having looked on line at various Doms, well, i dont respect them, and so baulk at their words. In fact, their attitude seems to invoke anger within me. I feel goaded into fighting with them. So perhaps im not so sub.

I really enjoy the domme role, but my concentration on being domme falls by the wayside as i become more aroused and lose it completely.

Its questions leading to questions that lead to more questions. So infuriating!

A friend lent me Midoris book on Japanese bondage, there is a scenario as seen through the eyes of a sub and same senario as seen by eyes of a dom. I wanted both!

Sometimes my sexuality is too strong for me, it interferes with work etc. I hate the way my body is sometimes. Walking round like a bitch on heat is not always appropriate.

Isnt there a questionnaire or something?

Click to expand...

Relax hun. Ride the emotions and the thoughts and allow yourself to simply feel.

It can be extremely frustrating and simultaneously deeply intriguing. Don't push for answers, let the answers find you. And they will find you as you live and learn within yourself and with another whom you trust. They will come.

What end of the whip (or both ends) will fall into place as you discover yourself. It is natural and will happen.

D/s is a plant of self discovery, honesty, and love. It's a seed sown within us all. The variety of that seed is simply different for everyone. The fruits from one sub's plant, will not be the same as the fruits from mine. But both do bear fruit. The key is to nurture and care for the seedling and allow it to grow into full healthy plant. A perenial that never dies and always returns new and brilliant, thicker and healthier.

That was beautifully written, Limbhugger.

Shelleb4, I completely understand where you are coming from. Just relax and ride the feelings. I was at work last week when He moved into dominant mode while we were talking on AIM. I instantly melted and became very uncomfortable at work. Thank heavens that I was alone in my cubicle then.

I know for me, I've not submissive in general, which may be why you feel the need to fight with online Doms. I am, in fact, rather opinionated, and He says I'm stubborn. <blushes> You may be a switch and need the right Dom to bring the sub out in you. My Love can trigger me into sub mode, often with a single comment. It's like, all resistance melts and all I want to do is please Him and make Him happy.

Thank you kitty,

You'll find a lot of us subs are very strong willed and opinionated. Fiesty and determined doesn't necessarily mean dominant. It's just up to a strong dominant to find the way to harness that rebellion.

shelleb4 said:

...I knew i wanted something else from sex. My sexuality has felt stifled and stilted, until.....

One day, a really good male friend of mine, sort of ordered me to do something. A shock of desire shot through my body at his words. Nobody had ever talked to me in this way since ive been an adult. We were friends and so no go there.

Click to expand...

This is something like some things that happened to me very recently. I'm still picking the experiences apart to figure out exactly what gave me that rush. There was definitely a control aspect and d/s related situations. (One was an unexpected online command, another was a rather intrusive, almost violent description of a kiss, one was being grabbed by my dh, and one was a 'mind-fuck' -- a scenario sent to someone else that was meant to get at me, and did.)

shelleb4 said:

...But having looked on line at various Doms, well, i dont respect them, and so baulk at their words. In fact, their attitude seems to invoke anger within me. I feel goaded into fighting with them. So perhaps im not so sub.

I really enjoy the domme role, but my concentration on being domme falls by the wayside as i become more aroused and lose it completely.

Its questions leading to questions that lead to more questions. So infuriating!

Click to expand...

I can definitely relate to this, too. Especially as I don't buy into all that stuff about subbiness being due to evolution and being the 'natural' state for all women. Bleh.

Originally posted by shelleb4 Sometimes my sexuality is too strong for me, it interferes with work etc. I hate the way my body is sometimes. Walking round like a bitch on heat is not always appropriate.[/B]

Click to expand...

Yeah, but it can be fun, though! (And waaay better than the alternative -- not feeling anything.)

Originally posted by shelleb4 Isnt there a questionnaire or something? [/B]

Click to expand...

LOL!!! Don't I wish! Especially for all those little gray areas, and obscure fetishes. I do SO enjoy having someone flirt and mess with my mind in a really good, controlling way -- yet bondage, in and of itself, doesn't do much for me. Seems so much simpler and more straightforward to have, say, a rubber fetish. At least you know what to do!

shelleb4 said:

Isnt there a questionnaire or something?

Click to expand...

Are you familiar with the BDSM checklist?

Try filling it in, to see what kind kinks are out there, and also what you might or might not be interested in doing.

Here is a copy of a BDSM checklist.
If there is a terminology you do not understand, here is a nice dictionary that explains most if not all of the terminology.

http://public.diversity.org.uk/deviant/

For each item, you need to provide two answers:

• For experience, write YES or NO next to each item to indicate if you
• For willingness, indicate for each item how you feel about DOING that
• "?" means you don't understand what the item is attempting to
• NO means you will NOT do that item under any circumstances (a hard limit).
• 0 (zero) indicates you have utterly no desire to do that activity and don't like doing it (in fact, may loath it) and would ordinarily object to doing it, but you would permit the Dominant to do it if it they really wanted it. (sometimes called a "soft limit").
• 1 means you don't want to do or like to do this activity, but wouldn't object if it was asked of you.
• 2 means you are willing to do this activity, but it has no special appeal for you.
• 3 means you usually like doing this activity, at least on an irregular/ occasional basis.
• 4 means you like doing this activity, and would like to experience it on a regular basis.
• 5 means the activity is a wild turn-on for you, and you would like it as often as possible.
• Mark with an asterisk (*) those items which you are willing to do only with your current sex partner(s), but not with casual play-partners.

Note any additional information or nuances which might be important for your Dom to know in the margin to the right. For example under diapers you might wish to distinguish between "wetting" and "soiling". There is intentionally some overlap between categories. Unless otherwise stated, the Sub is the recipient/target of the activity.

_______________________________Experience______ Willingness, ______Notes & Nuances
________________________________yes/no_________NO or 0-5


Abrasion :
Age play :
Anal sex :
Anal plugs (small) :
Anal plugs (large) :
Anal plug (public, under clothes):
Animal roles :
Arm & leg sleeves (armbinders) :
Aromas :
Asphyxiation :
Auctioned for charity :
Ball stretching :
Bathroom use control :
Beastiality :
Beating (soft) :
Beating (hard) :
Blindfolds :
Being serviced (sexual) :
Being bitten :
Breast/chest bondage :
Breath control :
Branding :
Boot worship :
Bondage (light) :
Bondage (heavy) :
Bondage (multi-day) :
Bondage (public, under clothing) :
Breast whipping :
Brown showers (scat) :
Cages (locked inside of) :
Caning :
Castration fantasy :
Catheterization :
Cattle prod (electrical toy) :
Cells/Closets (locked inside of) :
Chains :
Chamber-pot use :
Chastity belts :
Chauffeuring :
Choking :
Chores (domestic service) :
Clothespins :
Cock rings/straps :
Cock worship :
Collars (worn in private) :
Collars (worn in public) :
Competitions (with other Subs) :
Corsets (wearing casually) :
Corsets (trained waist reduction):
Cross-dressing :
Cuffs (leather) :
Cuffs (metal) :
Cutting :
Diapers (wearing) :
Diapers (wetting) :
Diapers (soiling) :
Dilation :
Dildoes :
Double penetration :
Electricity :
Enemas (for cleansing) :
Eenmas (retention/punishment) :
Enforced chastity :
Erotic dance (for audience) :
Examinations (physical) :
Exercise (forced/required) :
Exhibitionism (friends) :
Exhibitionism (strangers) :
Eye contact restrictions :
Face slapping :
Fantasy abandonment :
Fantasy rape :
Fantasy gang-rape :
Fear (being scared) :
Fisting (anal) :
Fisting (vaginal) :
Flame play :
Following orders :
Food play (cucumbers, sorbet...) :
Foot worship :
Forced bedwetting :
Forced dressing :
Forced eating :
Forced homosexuality :
Forced heterosexuality :
Forced masturbation :
Forced nudity (private) :
Forced nudity (around others) :
Forced servitude :
Forced smoking :
Full head hoods :
Gags (cloth) :
Gags (inflatible) :
Gags (phallic) :
Gags (rubber) :
Gags (tape) :
Gas masks :
Gates of Hell (male) :
Genital sex :
Given away to another Dom (temp) :
Given away to another Dom (perm) :
Golden showers :
Gun play :
Hairbrush spankings :
Hair pulling :
Hand jobs (giving) :
Hand jobs (receiving) :
Harems (serving w/other subs) :
Harnessing (leather) :
Harnessing (rope) :
Having food chosen for you :
Having clothing chosen for you :
Head (give fellatio/cunnilingus) :
Head (rcv fellatio/cunnilingus) :
High heel wearing :
High heel worship :
Homage with tongue (non-sexual) :
Hoods :
Hot oils (on genitals) :
Hot waxing :
Housework (doing) :
Human puppy dog :
Humiliation (private) :
Humiliation (public) :
Hypnotism :
Ice cubes :
Immobilization :
Infantilism :
Initiation rites :
Injections :
Intricate (Japanese) rope bondage:
Interrogations :
Kidnapping :
Kneeling :
Knife play :
Leather clothing :
Leather restraints :
Lectures for misbehavior :
Licking (non-sexual) :
Lingerie (wearing) :
Manacles & Irons :
Manicures (giving) :
Massage (giving) :
Massage (receiving) :
Medical scenes :
Modeling for erotic photos :
Mouth bits :
Mummification :
Name change (for scene) :
Name change (legal, permanant) :
Nipple clamps :
Nipple rings (piercings) :
Nipple play/"torture" :
Nipple weights :
Oral/anal play (rimming) :
Over-the-knee spanking :
Orgasm denial :
Orgasm control :
Outdoor scenes :
Outdoor sex :
Pain (mild) :
Pain (medium) :
Pain (severe) :
Persona training (in scene) :
Personality modification (RL) :
Phone sex (serving Dom) :
Phone sex (serving Dom's friends):
Phone sex (commercial provider) :
Piercing (temporary, play-pierce):
Piercing (permanent) :
Plastic surgery :
Prison scenes :
Prostitution (public pretense) :
Prostitution (actual) :
Pony slave :
Public exposure :
Punishment Scene :
Pussy/cock whipping :
Pussy worship :
Riding crops :
Riding the "horse" (crotch tort.):
Rituals :
Religious scenes :
Restrictive rules on behavior :
Rubber/latex clothing :
Rope body harness :
Saran wrapping :
Scarification :
Scratching - getting :
Scratching - giving :
Sensory deprivation :
Serving :
Serving as art :
Serving as ashtray :
Serving as furniture :
Serving as a maid :
Serving as toilet (urine) :
Serving as toilet (feces) :
Serving as waitress/waiter :
Serving orally (sexual) :
Serving other doms (supervised) :
Serving other doms (unsupervised):
Sexual deprivation (short term) :
Sexual deprivation (long term) :
Shaving (body hair) :
Shaving (genital hair) :
Shaving (head hair) :
Skinny-dipping :
Sleep deprivation :
Sleepsacks :
Slutty clothing (private) :
Slutty clothing (public) :
Spandex clothing :
Spanking :
Speech restrictions (when, what) :
Speculums (Anal) :
Speculums (vaginal) :
Spitting :
Spreader bars :
Standing in corner :
Stocks :
Straight jackets :
Strap-on-dildos (sucking on) :
Strap-on-dildos (penetrated by) :
Strap-on-dildos (wearing) :
Strapping (full body beating) :
Suspension (upright) :
Suspension (inverted) :
Suspension (horizontal) :
Supplying new partners for Dom :
Swallowing feces :
Swallowing semen :
Swallowing urine :
Swapping (with one other couple) :
Swinging (multiple couples) :
Tampon Training (in ass) :
Tattooing :
Teasing :
TENS Unit (electrical toy) :
Thumbcuffs (metal) :
Tickling :
Triple penetration :
Urethral Sounds (metal rods) :
Uniforms :
Including others :
Vaginal dildo :
Verbal humiliation :
Vibrator on genitals :
Violet Wand (electricial toy) :
Voyeurism (watching others) :
Voyeurism (your Dom w/others) :
Video (watching others) :
Video (recordings of you) :
Water torture :
Waxing (hair removal) :
Wearing symbolic jewelery :
Weight gain (forced) :
Weight loss (forced) :
Whipping :
Wooden paddles :
Wrestling :
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Willingness quick-key:
? Don't understand this item.
* I will do with current sex partner only.
NO I WILL NOT DO that item under ANY circumstances (a hard limit).
0 No desire, don't like, will permit if special to Dom (a soft limit).
1 Don't want to do, but will.
2 Willing to do, but has no special appeal.
3 Usually LIKE doing, on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 LIKE doing, would like it on a regular basis.
5 WILD TURN-ON, would like it as often as possible.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

shelleb4 said:

Curious, what a meagre word to describe what im feeling.
I wish there were someone who i could kidnap for a weekend, and ask every question i have.
I knew i wanted something else from sex. My sexuality has felt stifled and stilted, until.....

One day, a really good male friend of mine, sort of ordered me to do something. A shock of desire shot through my body at his words. Nobody had ever talked to me in this way since ive been an adult. We were friends and so no go there.

But having looked on line at various Doms, well, i dont respect them, and so baulk at their words. In fact, their attitude seems to invoke anger within me. I feel goaded into fighting with them. So perhaps im not so sub.

I really enjoy the domme role, but my concentration on being domme falls by the wayside as i become more aroused and lose it completely.

Its questions leading to questions that lead to more questions. So infuriating!

A friend lent me Midoris book on Japanese bondage, there is a scenario as seen through the eyes of a sub and same senario as seen by eyes of a dom. I wanted both!

Sometimes my sexuality is too strong for me, it interferes with work etc. I hate the way my body is sometimes. Walking round like a bitch on heat is not always appropriate.

Isnt there a questionnaire or something?

Click to expand...

My first thought is that a Dominant, real life or online, who imagines you will follow their directions without establishing that relationship built on trust and respect should expect nothing more than resistance and 'tude. Calling one's self a Dom, doesn't make one a Dom.



It is an exciting journey, to find that there is so much to experience, feel, learn and enjoy. Take a moment, a sensation, a thought, a feeling and a day at a time. Savor every step. That little buzz of electricity that seems to wander through your mind in your excitment will be there for a very long time!

And feel free to ask questions here or pm me.

I began by submitting, switched for a while and am now very happy with my own submissive. I understand the confusion in trying to find your way.

Hugs
MissT

Thankyou all for the help and guidance, its proving invaluable as i begin this journey.
The checklist: thanks a million! this was completed and given to my husband to complete too. Well, very interesting results indeed. Its hard to know what you'd do, if you dont know what the menu is!
MissT,s explanation that its ridiculous for a Dom to expect respect as such if they dont have a relationship with you first. (Or however she put it) Thankyou. Id thought that because i dislike these jackasses online, that i wouldnt be a sub for my husband. Im delighted this isnt the case!
So we're off to a tremendous start here.
thanks

shelleb4 said:

Thankyou all for the help and guidance, its proving invaluable as i begin this journey.
The checklist: thanks a million! this was completed and given to my husband to complete too. Well, very interesting results indeed. Its hard to know what you'd do, if you dont know what the menu is!
MissT,s explanation that its ridiculous for a Dom to expect respect as such if they dont have a relationship with you first. (Or however she put it) Thankyou. Id thought that because i dislike these jackasses online, that i wouldnt be a sub for my husband. Im delighted this isnt the case!
So we're off to a tremendous start here.
thanks

Click to expand...

Good for you and hubby!

catalina_francisco said:

Are you familiar with the BDSM checklist?

Try filling it in, to see what kind kinks are out there, and also what you might or might not be interested in doing.

Here is a copy of a BDSM checklist.
If there is a terminology you do not understand, here is a nice dictionary that explains most if not all of the terminology.

http://public.diversity.org.uk/deviant/
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Click to expand...

As a relative newbie I found both the list and the glossary very useful. Was quite surprised about just what I would be willing to do LOL...

Thanks

EWG