Exploring submissivness

My husband and I are just starting to explore a bit of this. Things we have tried so far, and liked, are light pain (such as spanking, biting, pinching) and light bondage (such as cuffs on wrists, and anchoring to the bed).

I have found I quiet like being ordered about, tied up, etc. Basically, I like being helpless. He has found he likes to be a bit more in control.


We are a bit unsure as to what else to try to further explore this. Any idea's on a mild next step for this?

Maybe write each other a list of your secret..darkest fantasies regarding this kind of sexuality…involving your boundaries, needs and desires that might be a bit difficult to speak out loud.

Maybe he wants to tell you to take off your panties in a public place…
Maybe you want to know what it feels like to spend the evening blindfolded..

The fact that you are willing to discover something new together is very cool.

Happy discoveries, Gilly Bean.

Well, right now, where we are stuck at, is neither of us really has anything left that we have been wanting to try. We have tried it all, with the exception of my bi-curiosity, and my want for a 3-some and/or group. He, however, is kinda set on ont really wanting to do any of that. So, without taking on new partners (which is out, unless my hun agree's to it 100%), then there's nothing we really fantasize about. However, both of us want to try more. We are just unsure as to what else is left in this catagory, really, I guess.

Also, most of it has to stay in the bedroom, what with 3 lil ones running around all day. We don't get much oppertunity to do stuff outside of that room.


I guess, basically, we have tried what we both fantasized about. Now, we are in need of some new fantasies that can take what we like a bit further. This is our first experiance with any of this at all. With my previous partners, it was normal ole nilla stuff. With his old... wait, he was a virgin, that's right. So... what else IS there?


About my only limitations is serious pain. Not into branding, tattooing, peircing, scarring, blood letting, etc. Pain that can be a bit sharp, but goes away rather fast wouldn't be bad, so I guess mild pain activities. Bondage I enjoy alot, hmm.... I am really not sure what else. I am just way to new to this, I believe.

Have you considered more elaborate bondage? You can get very creative with rope dresses, suspension, spreader bars, etc, making each bondage session unique.
You also might consider different types of percussive toys- the sensations of being flooged are very different from a spanking, and can be achieved with a minimal amount of real pain.
There are only so many differnt activities, it's true, but the variations within them are endless.
I saw in another thread that you live in Michigan. If you'd like me to give you info on some local BDSM resources, feel free to get in touch, and I'll be glad to help.

Percussive tools: fly swatter, long wooden spoon, child's plastic bat, school type ruler, etc.

Binding supplies: long lengths of bandages make a really good head/eye wrap, pantyhose legs make effective tight-feeling hoods when slipped over a blindfold, socks taped around wrists make mitts that decrease your ability to get loose and use your hands, etc.

Humiliation: lipstick and/or washable marker for writing on skin, wearing his clothing around your neak or on your head (like underwear), etc.

The less you are able to effect your surroundings, Gilly, the more control he has. Ear plugs, blindfold, mitts, being gagged, a hood of some kind... all combined on you, these are powerful tools for the passing of the control from you to him. Factor in touches, him to you, of various and maybe unfamiliar tools (see above) and you have the script for a bunch of variations on a theme.

After you've figured what works for you, then you begin to increase the time you're in that state, or the depth to which your play takes it.

Knife play, for all its bad rap, does not often involve actually cutting a person, as i've recently been learning. Insertables in progressively larger sizes are always nice when one is bound, as are various clips andd clamps.

Cruise your local hardware store together.
I bet you both come out of it red-faced and giggling, with a bunch of new gadgets to test out at home, behind those closed doors.

And remember to laugh if something doesn't work.

Then move on and try something else.

And remember to laugh if something doesn't work.

Then move on and try something else

Click to expand...

So true my friend so very true

Someone on the mega thread or the How To Board posted a L-O-N-G check list of things one would or would not do. It included a numbering system to describe limits.

I read this list and got tons of ideas. I found out my imagination just wasn't all that great.

I am sorry I can't describe it better. Maybe someone will remember it and know how to post it.

Good luck in your quest and have fun.

BDSM checklist

Here's one version. In all honesty, they're all over the net. There's a particularly inclusive and good version at bondage.com, and a while ago, WriterDom posted it in the Monster as well as in a thread of its own. I'll try to find. For now, here's this one.

http://ms.ha.md.us/~tammad/over21/bondage/sub-checklist.html

In a submissive posture, I don't know if I would enjoy pain because I have never had a woman inflict it on me.

Big question mark from the riffdude.

As for giving pain, I have spanked, fingered buttholes, pinched and bitten nipples- but it wasn't so much "BDSM" as it was just pleasing my partner and myself. (I love to have my way )

Wow... that's one hellll of a list.

Thanks for all the idea's guys!



And yes, James, a list of resources would be nice for the area. The thing I hate about where we live, is the nearest sex toy shop is like 2 hours away in one direction, or an hour and a hlf away in another. Makes it hard for spur of the moment purchases. I had never thought of trying a hardwear store. That brings it a bit easier to purchase some stuff. We'll have to go in there tomorrow.



Thank you guys

riff said:

In a submissive posture, I don't know if I would enjoy pain because I have never had a woman inflict it on me.

Big question mark from the riffdude.

As for giving pain, I have spanked, fingered buttholes, pinched and bitten nipples- but it wasn't so much "BDSM" as it was just pleasing my partner and myself. (I love to have my way )

Click to expand...

Oh my, riff honey... that is what it is all about... pleasing yourself and your partner... there are no rules here about what you can and cannot do... as long as it is safe, sane and consentual...

Time again cym has talked about the sensational part of BDSM... and I so understand that... it is not about the pain and all about the sensations... I never think about the pain because to me it is not pain... it is wonderful, glorious soul jarring sensations...

Himself on the other hand has a need for a different kind of sensation... the softest of caresses across his body... the feel of my tongue on the arch of his foot or the small of his back... it is sensational for him... but just a different kind of sensation that he craves...

Yet he enjoys greatly smacking my ass, or clamping my nipples and watching my reaction to his every whim... just as I enjoy pleasing him and giving him my submission.

We meet each others needs within the confines of our relationship... we please and pleasure each other... I call him "Master" because it pleases him and me to do so, not because it is expected. He calls me "pet" because it brings great pleasure to my heart to hear those words from his mouth, but not because it is expected.

Some of this carries over in our day to day lives... and some does not... We make our own rules. We find what works for us and that is a constantly evolving process... growing as we define our relationship and our needs and as we push the limits of our relationship...

Well, I just got back from our local we-have-everything store, and toured thier hardwear section. I grabbed eye hooks for the walls to clip things to, I grabbed 40 feet of nylon cord for binding, locks to lock stuff into place, and two packs of metal rings (2pc each). Now, to find some uses for this stuff. One thing I wanted to get, and couldn't find, was metal clamps of some sort, to clamp the nylon cord to itself to create a loop for the rings. Any idea's on this?

Hey Gilly, i'm glad to hear the hardware aisle gave you some inspiration. I cannot walk down such an aisle without getting slippery, quite frankly.


Clamp for the nylon rope?

What about long twist ties, if it's not going to be subject to too much stress, the kind one uses to hold up small plants?

Cable ties, if you need something stronger. They're cheap, readily available, and they can come in a wide variety of colors, too. (Hey! Color is important sometimes!)

Additionally, widely available and relatively inexpensive are lightweight connectors based on the kinds that rock climbers use. You could hook one of those to create a loop in the rope, then hook that loop to whatever, and the connector would never in a million years com off.


Gilly? Next weekend your assignment is to go cruise a livestock supply store. We're gonna totally corrupt you here in this forum, you know.

If I understand you correctly, you could use velcro. Loop the cord through the ring and have it attached with good velcro.

I am glad you are enjoying yourself, Gilly.

If you are interested in some sort of checklist or activities, I would be happy to e mail you one. Let me know

Have you and your husband been exploring bondage and fetish sites together. There are so many, that you may find that helps you along your way.

you guys are SO comepletly corrupting me!


Ok, gotta ask... what am I gonna find in a livestock store? Earlier I had thought to check the pet supply section, however, I didn't think about doing that till I left the store. That may have to be tomorrows goal.



Yes, MissTaken, I would like that. Here's my email: Gilly_bean_baby@yahoo.com



Gimme some idea's, I could definatly use em!


Thanks guys

Gilly,

This checklist may give you another starting point. It's a little shorter and more generic.

http://www.fetishclub.com/exchange/bdsm-checklist.shtml

morninggirl5 said:

Gilly,

This checklist may give you another starting point. It's a little shorter and more generic.

http://www.fetishclub.com/exchange/bdsm-checklist.shtml

Click to expand...

That was good. I think I am a lightweight!

riff said:

That was good. I think I am a lightweight!

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lol gilly!

What may be interesting and amusing about the checklist is how it changes.

If you and your spouse do it now, then do it a month, two months, six months from now, you will find it has changed dramatically.

You may surprise yourself!

BTW: There are no lightweights! We are all just who we are

riff said:

That was good. I think I am a lightweight!

Click to expand...

It's definitely not as daunting as the one on bondage.com. It would make a better conversation starter, i believe.

A little easier to broach the subject with someone you're not sure of.

Gilly Bean, check out some of the rope sites I have posted on the link thread ......You and the hubby may find them intresting.......many many way to tie and fasten ropes...

You can do sooooo much with rope.

I will certainly look all those links up


Thank you everyone... Hey, if there are any male doms out there (big stretch, I know -giggles-) can you PM me, I want to ask some specific questions...

Gilly Bean said:

I will certainly look all those links up


Thank you everyone... Hey, if there are any male doms out there (big stretch, I know -giggles-) can you PM me, I want to ask some specific questions...

Click to expand...

I did................

I did it! I made my first toy!


And in a few minutes, I'll make number 2!


I went in to Home Depot today, and bought two pre-cut black metal pipes. One is 36", and the other is 30". I ran nylon cording through the middle of it, attached clips at both ends, and zip tied them off in several spots.


I made my first Stretcher Bar! It was SO easy!

gilly this is so exciting! lol my heart races each time i read what you're doing now =) remember to enjoy the process!! it's not the destination that's important, it's how we get there

my husband and i are in a very similar position, just starting out, not a lot of ideas to try because weve no knowledge of whats on the menu to chose from.

The checklist was fabulous- lots to try, lots of suprising answers from both of us!

Your nearest sex shop is on line if you want it to be. There are plenty of them to chose from. Perhaps you could ask for another lit member to recommend one for your locality. Im in australia, so no help sorry. Perhaps the one two hours away has a web site?

My biggest problem is going slow, im like a kid in a sweet shop, i want everything, preferably in one night! Greed, pure greed. But as we are both new, its going slower than id like. We at first glance seem to like both the D and s roles. So that thankfully enlarges the menu no end.

As for kids, yes arent they a nuisance sometimes. Im trying to get round the noise problem, so have put music on in the bedroom to drown out some of the noise. Also, all my children have been taught never to enter a bedroom without knocking and waiting to be invited in. I do likewise for them.

All this milarky started when i bought a four poster gothic bed and dressed it in red and golds. It screems sex at you when you look at it, and i had to have it! No pun intended.