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Self Control Games and BDSM

Black_Bird

Black_Bird

Not Innocent
Joined
Oct 26, 2001
Posts
9,019
Is there a word for this?

That idea of specific punishments for specific (and often small) crimes incorperated into DS play has some appeal to me... Most probably think of orgasm control, but an inventive mind can come up with a wider number of applications with more humiliating consequences. What other applications have you come up with?
 
If she's good, i'll pleasure her pussy then fuck it hard.

If she's bad, i'll pleasure her pussy then fuck her ass hard.
LOL
You mean like that?
:devil:
 
EvilBrat74 said:
If she's good, i'll pleasure her pussy then fuck it hard.

If she's bad, i'll pleasure her pussy then fuck her ass hard.
LOL
You mean like that?
:devil:
Click to expand...

Not... quite.

For example: Everyday she or he is to write an entry in their journal concerning his or her day, thoughts, and wishes. But this slave is lazy... so how does Master spur the slave on? If he or she misses a day, they do not eat the next as punishment.

It's a mild and silly example... looking to hear more *interesting* ideas. All the ones that this head of mine can dream up are rather mundane. :(
 
Seems like many subs..get themselves into "trouble" to instigate punishment by their Dom/me.

Wanting/needing someone else to push them to much higher limits than they would have ever set for themselves.

Being the kind of girl who needs to be pushed into finding my own sexuality causes some very interesting results for this incredibly -otherwise- willfull girl.

It's such an individualistic thing.
 
Make the punioshment fit the crime, BB.

If she does not write in the journal, then not only does she not get to write in the journal for a week, but she has to spend the time she would have written in the journal cleaning the oven or waxing the floor, or scrubbing the toilet bowl with a toothbrush... and *think* about why she's doing that instead of writing it all down nicely, in a civilized manner, in her journal.

If she is late, then she waits, standing out in the elements, still, talking to no one, for 10 mintes for every mintue she was late, then tells you of her thoughts when she is done with the prolonged waiting.

Listen to me: In the BDSM world, punishment, real punishment, is not the same as pleasure despite the million times you've read it in those stupid hokey BDSM "whip me beat me of god yes Master yes punish me make me cum" bullshit stories. In the BDSM world, real punishment is used sparingly and with regret in order to teach a lesson.

Discipline, on the other hand, can be a thing of eroticism and/or discomfort. It's not as severe as real punishment and never has to be. Itcan be edged with humor and/or sex and/or disappointment and/or whatever you're feeling.

Some examples:
Recently i tried to top someone from the bottom. (It's my way of testing new-to-me Doms, i do it to all of them to see if they can recognize it and what they'll do about it if they do recognize it. They test me. I test them. It all works out.) He asked me to wait outside a certain restaurant for him. I countered with an offer to wait inside. (That was the topping from the bottom part, btw, since not only did i refuse his authority in the matter, i countermanded his direct instruction with my own intentions.) He laughed and told me that, now, not only could i wait outside the restaurant for him, i could do it with my feet together, as if they were bound. And i could wait there, immobile, until he came to me and escorted me into the restaurant.

If someone is told to keep her hands up, whether or not she has anything to hold onto to help keep them up, and they come down, then a swift and shocking swat on the ass is always effective - unless that's what she's looking for, and then you have to choose another way, such as an immediate removal of all your touches and some quiet talk about obedience.

It's all a mind game.
We mind fuck each other in the very hottest, best, wildest, most wonderful sens of the word. If we're not all creative and attuned to our partners then none of this works for any of us, does it?
 
cymbidia said:
Make the punioshment fit the crime, BB.

If she does not write in the journal, then not only does she not get to write in the journal for a week, but she has to spend the time she would have written in the journal cleaning the oven or waxing the floor, or scrubbing the toilet bowl with a toothbrush... and *think* about why she's doing that instead of writing it all down nicely, in a civilized manner, in her journal.
Click to expand...

Hmm. You have a point there cym... Well, this is a place of learning, isn't it?

Your example was a good one and it is begining to sink in - that difference between real punishment and play. Perhaps it was because my post was written from a writers point of view rather then practice, that it was treated too lightly by me. Sorry.

Yes, it is a mind game... Avoided using that word, but you are right.

Thank You. :)
 
cymbidia said:
Make the punioshment fit the crime, BB.

If she does not write in the journal, then not only does she not get to write in the journal for a week, but she has to spend the time she would have written in the journal cleaning the oven or waxing the floor, or scrubbing the toilet bowl with a toothbrush... and *think* about why she's doing that instead of writing it all down nicely, in a civilized manner, in her journal.

If she is late, then she waits, standing out in the elements, still, talking to no one, for 10 mintes for every mintue she was late, then tells you of her thoughts when she is done with the prolonged waiting.

Listen to me: In the BDSM world, punishment, real punishment, is not the same as pleasure despite the million times you've read it in those stupid hokey BDSM "whip me beat me of god yes Master yes punish me make me cum" bullshit stories. In the BDSM world, real punishment is used sparingly and with regret in order to teach a lesson.

Discipline, on the other hand, can be a thing of eroticism and/or discomfort. It's not as severe as real punishment and never has to be. Itcan be edged with humor and/or sex and/or disappointment and/or whatever you're feeling.

Some examples:
Recently i tried to top someone from the bottom. (It's my way of testing new-to-me Doms, i do it to all of them to see if they can recognize it and what they'll do about it if they do recognize it. They test me. I test them. It all works out.) He asked me to wait outside a certain restaurant for him. I countered with an offer to wait inside. (That was the topping from the bottom part, btw, since not only did i refuse his authority in the matter, i countermanded his direct instruction with my own intentions.) He laughed and told me that, now, not only could i wait outside the restaurant for him, i could do it with my feet together, as if they were bound. And i could wait there, immobile, until he came to me and escorted me into the restaurant.

If someone is told to keep her hands up, whether or not she has anything to hold onto to help keep them up, and they come down, then a swift and shocking swat on the ass is always effective - unless that's what she's looking for, and then you have to choose another way, such as an immediate removal of all your touches and some quiet talk about obedience.

It's all a mind game.
We mind fuck each other in the very hottest, best, wildest, most wonderful sens of the word. If we're not all creative and attuned to our partners then none of this works for any of us, does it?
Click to expand...

how do I find someone like that ^^^
 
Listen to me: In the BDSM world, punishment, real punishment, is not the same as pleasure despite the million times you've read it in those stupid hokey BDSM "whip me beat me of god yes Master yes punish me make me cum" bullshit stories. In the BDSM world, real punishment is used sparingly and with regret in order to teach a lesson.
Click to expand...

You say it so well, the visitors come with strange expectations.

A BDSM love affair is hard and difficult yes?

It is not easy love but hard
 
in our "twisted" sense punishments and punishments are sometimes hard to distinguish *s*

what usually is titled "punishment" in the stories and scenes isn't exactly that, but at times even a "reward" in disguise.

If we are indeed talking about punishments - then we are getting to the point cymbidia made. Have your sub do things they really don't like - and those usually exclude all forms of physical punishment as a spanking or such would be. since many subs crave that it wouldn't be a real punishment at all.

What does work are doing chores that need to be done but are postponed by the sub on a regular basis - or the withholding of pleasures (which is only self-controlled of course if the relation is a long distance one)
 
I loved the diferentiation between punishment and dicipline.

For me, being ignored by my Sweetie would be the most harsh punishment I could ever get. Even if I was assigned the mundane chore list of things to do I would still be doing something for my partner and would be happy. To ignore me would tear me to pieces.

Most of what I do takes place in the play ground of my mind as well as in a physical sense.

Black-Bird, read some of the BDSM stories to get ideas too. Remember, so much of D/s is in the mind. With your imagination you could come up with all sorts of things.

Let me know if you explore this. I would like to read what you create.

Now that you are here does this mean I can ruffle your feathers?
 
HotXBunz said:
Now that you are here does this mean I can ruffle your feathers?
Click to expand...

*chuckles* It all depends on how you choose to ruffle my feathers...

Your comments, as well as Hecate's, are much appreciated. Thank you.

My next post: How to get blood out of a keyboard... *snickers*
 
Punishment

As a Domme, I have a different take on this subject. I never use punishment. When I take on a sub, I spend a lot of time and effort training him to serve Me. It is a long negotiation period.

So, I do not need to punish. Whatever I do, I do because it pleases Me. And My sub likes to please Me. If he makes a mistake, I correct him, but other than that, I play with him because he is my toy. If I inflict pain, it is because it pleases me, if I deny his orgasm, that pleases me too. If I use a technique that could be used for discipline, that is my choice. If heis worshipping my body, he knows itis his job, and he knows if he does a good job, I may reward him, nt I will reward him. It is this uncertainty, that sometimes fules his desires even more.

I do not force compliance. If a sub disobeys me, he is dismissed permanently. I do not tolerate topping from the bottom. So there is on need to punish.

Ebony
 
Oh I have to agree, being ignored is the worst punishment....

and being denied his presence is the second worst punishment...
 
foxinsox said:
I hear what you say but, particularly in a new r/s, isn't there always a testing period where subs new to Dom/mes will try and test authority? That would count as attempting to top from the bottom, wouldn't it?
Click to expand...
I'm not sure how it is for other people but for me, yes, at the beginning of a new relationship, i test the Dominant in a myriad of ways, some small, some not small, to determine how well thier ways of being who they are correspond to the needs i have for one such as them in my life.

How can i tell if i don't test?

Should i simply accept that every new-to-me Dominant to come along will be exactly what i need?

I cannot.

So we talk.
We cuddle.
We go places together and do stuff together.

I listen.
I observe.
I learn about this new-to-me Dominant.

And i test.
Small tests, mostly, tests desined to tell me if the Dominant really understands and desires a BDSM relationship in his life, or if it's only a thing of kinky sex for him.

There's nothing wrong with kinky sex, gods no!, but i want a fully BDSM realtionship, not a nilla relationship that involves kinky sex. There's a big difference, as we all know, and sometimes it's pretty hard to determine which way a new-to-me Dominant is going to fall on the issue just from talking and observing... hence the testing.

After a time, after the establishment of the relationship and the security and solidity of that having become a real and viable entity in my life, then i discontinue the testing, mostly. Then, it's no longer needed. Then it becomes a thing of impudence and disrespect.

But in the beginning, i certainly test and think, since they test us to determine our fitness to their ideal submissive, it's certainly appropriate for us to test them, too.
 
Re: Re: Punishment

foxinsox said:


Ebony,

I hear what you say but, particularly in a new r/s, isn't there always a testing period where subs new to Dom/mes will try and test authority? That would count as attempting to top from the bottom, wouldn't it?

I know that I do this, if only to determine whether the Dom is strong enough mentally to cope with me.
Click to expand...

Not always. I have had one try it andhe doesnot serve me. I have one sissy boy now who has never tried it. H eknows what the consequences are. I suppose it can happen, but not to me. I am serious about dismissing unruly subs.

I do not consider a mistake grounds for dismissal. However if mistakes were to become habitual, the offending sub would be dismissed.

I do not have to put up it. Male submissives are literally lining up at my door. Who needs a SAM (smart-assed masochist)?

Ebony
 
Gentle bump

... perhaps cast the unruly pyl back into the vanilla world for a short period of time.
  • No whips
  • No floggers
  • no spankings
  • no sign of submission tolerated
  • any violation gets isolation.
Yeah ...

i kinda like that idea.
 
Re: Re: Gentle bump

miss_inquisitive said:
i have expirienced this punishment....makes you feel very lost, misplaced, confused among other things. :(
Click to expand...
And gets right to the heart of the matter in a hurry, correct?
 
Re: Gentle bump

AngelicAssassin said:
... perhaps cast the unruly pyl back into the vanilla world for a short period of time.
  • No whips
  • No floggers
  • no spankings
  • no sign of submission tolerated
  • any violation gets isolation.
Yeah ...

i kinda like that idea.
Click to expand...

When I have to punish my girlfriend... I always have assume a position tie her down and tease her to the point of basically where she is begging to be spanked... she get spanked very lightly... (little taps) It is a pleasure to me to see her squirm her little ass wiggle.. Not so Pleasurable for her...

There are some other ways that i punish her... Like when we are out she is not allowed to speak... if she speaks there is a price to pay...

I think you really have to know your submissive to know what they like and what they dislike in order to make it a real BD/sm punishment...

DGN
 
Bumped for

cymbidia said:
Make the punishment fit the crime, BB.

If she does not write in the journal, then not only does she not get to write in the journal for a week, but she has to spend the time she would have written in the journal cleaning the oven or waxing the floor, or scrubbing the toilet bowl with a toothbrush... and *think* about why she's doing that instead of writing it all down nicely, in a civilized manner, in her journal.

If she is late, then she waits, standing out in the elements, still, talking to no one, for 10 mintes for every mintue she was late, then tells you of her thoughts when she is done with the prolonged waiting.

Listen to me: In the BDSM world, punishment, real punishment, is not the same as pleasure despite the million times you've read it in those stupid hokey BDSM "whip me beat me of god yes Master yes punish me make me cum" bullshit stories. In the BDSM world, real punishment is used sparingly and with regret in order to teach a lesson.

Discipline, on the other hand, can be a thing of eroticism and/or discomfort. It's not as severe as real punishment and never has to be. It can be edged with humor and/or sex and/or disappointment and/or whatever you're feeling.

Some examples:
Recently i tried to top someone from the bottom. (It's my way of testing new-to-me Doms, i do it to all of them to see if they can recognize it and what they'll do about it if they do recognize it. They test me. I test them. It all works out.) He asked me to wait outside a certain restaurant for him. I countered with an offer to wait inside. (That was the topping from the bottom part, btw, since not only did i refuse his authority in the matter, i countermanded his direct instruction with my own intentions.) He laughed and told me that, now, not only could i wait outside the restaurant for him, i could do it with my feet together, as if they were bound. And i could wait there, immobile, until he came to me and escorted me into the restaurant.

If someone is told to keep her hands up, whether or not she has anything to hold onto to help keep them up, and they come down, then a swift and shocking swat on the ass is always effective - unless that's what she's looking for, and then you have to choose another way, such as an immediate removal of all your touches and some quiet talk about obedience.

It's all a mind game.
We mind fuck each other in the very hottest, best, wildest, most wonderful sense of the word. If we're not all creative and attuned to our partners then none of this works for any of us, does it?
Click to expand...
newbie.gif
 
AngelicAssassin said:
And gets right to the heart of the matter in a hurry, correct?
Click to expand...

That would do it for me...there would be no shorter, sharper shock than that
 
cymbidia said:
Make the punioshment fit the crime, BB.

If she does not write in the journal, then not only does she not get to write in the journal for a week, but she has to spend the time she would have written in the journal cleaning the oven or waxing the floor, or scrubbing the toilet bowl with a toothbrush... and *think* about why she's doing that instead of writing it all down nicely, in a civilized manner, in her journal.

If she is late, then she waits, standing out in the elements, still, talking to no one, for 10 mintes for every mintue she was late, then tells you of her thoughts when she is done with the prolonged waiting.

Listen to me: In the BDSM world, punishment, real punishment, is not the same as pleasure despite the million times you've read it in those stupid hokey BDSM "whip me beat me of god yes Master yes punish me make me cum" bullshit stories. In the BDSM world, real punishment is used sparingly and with regret in order to teach a lesson.

Discipline, on the other hand, can be a thing of eroticism and/or discomfort. It's not as severe as real punishment and never has to be. Itcan be edged with humor and/or sex and/or disappointment and/or whatever you're feeling.

Some examples:
Recently i tried to top someone from the bottom. (It's my way of testing new-to-me Doms, i do it to all of them to see if they can recognize it and what they'll do about it if they do recognize it. They test me. I test them. It all works out.) He asked me to wait outside a certain restaurant for him. I countered with an offer to wait inside. (That was the topping from the bottom part, btw, since not only did i refuse his authority in the matter, i countermanded his direct instruction with my own intentions.) He laughed and told me that, now, not only could i wait outside the restaurant for him, i could do it with my feet together, as if they were bound. And i could wait there, immobile, until he came to me and escorted me into the restaurant.

If someone is told to keep her hands up, whether or not she has anything to hold onto to help keep them up, and they come down, then a swift and shocking swat on the ass is always effective - unless that's what she's looking for, and then you have to choose another way, such as an immediate removal of all your touches and some quiet talk about obedience.

It's all a mind game.
We mind fuck each other in the very hottest, best, wildest, most wonderful sens of the word. If we're not all creative and attuned to our partners then none of this works for any of us, does it?
Click to expand...

a very intelligent response. a mind fuckery takes the knowledge of what goes on in anothers mind or at least the knowledge of how to release what's in the others mind. if you don't have that then you just create spite on part of the other person.
truth in that is you must always be aware. then let the creativity of what you find lead you to the correct or appropriate punishment/discipline.
 
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