Where do I go?

I am new to lit, and I hope I'm not breaking any protocol by starting a thread.
I have been fascinated by the BDSM world. Always grabbed my interest whenever I read or saw anything about it. I've read as much as I can get my hands on the subject and I've become more curious and confused at the same time.
My confusion comes from trying to find out what I really want, and can't exactly find an easy answer. For starters, I fantasize often about being a sub, and about being a dom, sometimes even in the same fantasy. From what I read, the term for it is a switch. However, I seem to relate more to the submissive men in the stories I come across. Part of it I think is because it has an easier learning curve. When someone is telling you what to do, all you do it obey.
Four or five years ago, I had a friend that I used to chat with. We got to know each other well before she told me she was a Domme. Long story short, she gradually became my Mistress for only a week. At the time, it was not the internet where we met, but a local bulletin board. I lost my hard disk, by the time I got it back the site was gone with the popularity of IRC. Anyway, in that week I learned a lot about myself.
She controlled what I do, what not to do. Even controlled what I do with my wife which was an incredible turn on. Doing things that are so trivial, but knowing I'm doing it because I'm told was a major turn on. In that week I was forced to do things I didn't do before, and wouldn't have thought of doing, but again, was a major turn on.
I'm now thinking, who really cares about what happened to me. But I would like to have that experience again, and have it last for a much longer time and explore more. How does one start on such a quest? I didn't think it would be appropriate to put an ad here asking for any "hot ladies" to help me out, but I do respecitively ask your advice. Again, if this is breaking any protocol, I really apologize, it's not my intent, I just wanted to ask, sorry it's such a long question. Thanks

One of the very first and most helpful things a person can do when beginning to walk this road, litsam, is to think long and deeply about what they want to get and give in a BDSM relationship with another person.

You used the word "switch". There *are* real switches. We have quite a contingent of them here, as a matter of fact.

There are also those who identify strictly as Dom/me or sub.

What about touching? Do you want harsh touching? With what implements? You sound like you loved being controlled. There are those who do *not* want to be touched harshly at all ever but want every moment of thier day, every activity, virtually all thoughts, controlled and channelled by thier Domme. Are you one of these?

Begin by sorting out your specific wants and needs, litsam.

Most partners will want you to come to them with a pretty good idea of who you are in this carnival of BDSM possibilities, and what you want and need. It's unfair to present yourself before a potential partner and say, "Be to me exactly what i need. Don't scare me. Don't hurt me in a bad way, physically or emotionally. Don't make me cry. Oh yes, and i don't have a clue what i want and need. Okay... START!"

This following advice is taken verbatim from a 9/30/2001 post on page 22 of what we here call the Mother Thread (http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=39661), the thread that generated this Forum.

"There exists, in a dozen different forms, a sort of pre-play checklist, an exhaustive and unbelievably LONG thing, that many people use to itemize and delimit the activities they WANT to do with a partner from the things the absolutely WILL NOT do, and the gradations in between. Attempting to fill this out for use with another real life person might well be putting the cart before the horse if one doesn’t have a really good idea of what s/he wants in terms of play, it’s also true that it could help anyone, at any level, attain a deeper understanding of their needs/wants/dislikes/fears/etc in terms of BDSM. MS and I go over this list every year or so, just to see what things have changed, you know? So, in the interests of info spreading, here’s one link to the form: http://www.ds-haven.com/checklists/domsubchecklist.html

You can use this as a tool to help you put a little form to your fantasies, help you decide for yourself between play that sounds scary-bad and that wghich sounds incredibly intriguing, and to offer up a few menu choices that you might not have heard of before but sound oh-so-interesting. If there's stuff here you don't understand, come back and ask. Please remember that we've *all* had to ask about some of this somewhere along the way.

When you think you might be ready to go looking for that all-important first Dom/me, please seek out advice on how to do so, whether you come back to us or not. There are a few pitfalls to avoid in the process. "


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You gotta have some basic knowledge of WHAT you're going out looking for before you can hope to find it satisfactorily, don't you think?

Good luck.
And welcome to the BDSM Forum, too.

cymbidia,

Thank you so much for the feedback. I will check that link first thing after I post this. I really appreciate you taking the time and explaining things to me. I remember from my brief encounter that there is a lot of protocol, which I admit, I don't have down yet. But from my readings, it sounds like that depends on the dom/me, some are more flexible than others.

I did take sort of a survery back then, to test my limits. That was 5 years ago, and I probably can change the answer on at least a dozen things on that list.

You are correct, I did enjoy the control. Knowing I'm doing things because I was asked to, was a great turn on. Even things that I would not normally like. I was asked to do a few things, that had some pain associated with it. That was mainly done to test me, to test my limits, and to test my commitment. I was amazed that I could be in pain, or do something I really am not enjoying, yet there was a lot of pleasure associated with it. Not physical pleasure mind you, but pleasure none the less.

From my limited knowledge, I should take it slowly. I need not worry about being a switch, or even a dom. It seems to me that I should work my way up. If I stay a sub that is fine. I think the confusing part is reading about a dom/me and seeing the joy in being in control.

I thank you again for your very useful input, and I will check that link right now, talk to you later.

Great advice Cym

.

Cymbidia,

I took that test, or rather answered the questions and I'm really amazed at how many things I couldn't think about doing are ok now. I guess the internet takes the shock out of many things. You read about something long enough and it's not as bad years later. Thanks again for taking the time to explain it to me.