COVID-19 RESOURCES
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

To Be or Not To Be.....Dom....

Sex & Diamonds

Sex & Diamonds

Waiting
Joined
Mar 25, 2002
Posts
4,052
Just curious about opinions


Is one born a Dominant ? or is this learned ? or a combination of both ?
 
Sex & Diamonds said:
Just curious about opinions


Is one born a Dominant ? or is this learned ? or a combination of both ?
Click to expand...

The learned vs. inherent qualities of BDSM have been discussed in a number of different threads, to which I'm sure others can point you (my browser's too frustatingly slow for me to search through them myself, sorry).

From what I've seen, people come into their dominance in many different ways. For some, they've known all their lives; for others, it's something that a specific lover brings out in them.

In my case, I think I've always had underlying dominant tendencies but I would have been perfectly happy (I think) if I had never expressed them in an acknowledged Dom/sub relationship. However, my current lover needs to be submissive and therefore my dominant nature is being coaxed to the foreground.

Lain
 
From talking with people in the lifestyle, I think people are born with a predisposition for BDSM. A friend of mine said that when she was a little girl, she couldn't sleep until she tied her wrist to the bedpost. And there are lots of stories of people who tied up their Barbie dolls. LOL I used to birch the neighborhood kids before I'd ever heard of birching, and I whipped and spanked my dolls regularly. I was such a popular kid in the neighborhood. ;)
 
I'd like to hear from Dom/me(s) that were "coaxed" into the lifestyle.

How did it happen? what had to happen? what opened your eyes?
 
willfulbrat said:
From talking with people in the lifestyle, I think people are born with a predisposition for BDSM. A friend of mine said that when she was a little girl, she couldn't sleep until she tied her wrist to the bedpost. And there are lots of stories of people who tied up their Barbie dolls. LOL I used to birch the neighborhood kids before I'd ever heard of birching, and I whipped and spanked my dolls regularly. I was such a popular kid in the neighborhood. ;)
Click to expand...




WOW

Nothing that interesting ever happened where I grew up :eek:
 
I'll take "All of us perverts have a genetic predisposition toward this kinda sexuality" for $500, Alex.

But then, i'm not Dom/me so what the hell am i doing in this thread anyway?
:p
 
willfulbrat said:
From talking with people in the lifestyle, I think people are born with a predisposition for BDSM. A friend of mine said that when she was a little girl, she couldn't sleep until she tied her wrist to the bedpost. And there are lots of stories of people who tied up their Barbie dolls. LOL I used to birch the neighborhood kids before I'd ever heard of birching, and I whipped and spanked my dolls regularly. I was such a popular kid in the neighborhood. ;)
Click to expand...


I remember tying up friends an awful lot and being tied up myself. Torture games, mock fights, roleplaying games involving a naughty schoolchild role ( I use to get very excited by these) . I don't know about a tendancy to Domme or sub but I was certainly born with a tendancy to kink and BDSM!
 
Not to ruin our fond childhood memories...

I had several "My Little Ponies," and me being the overly-creative child that I was, I always had lots of adventures they got into and out of. A frequently-occuring aspect was whipping. Poor lil ponies...

Also on the childhood thing...I was the storyteller in my group of cousins (foreshadowing my current Lit status, I'm sure). I can't remember every godawful story I told them, but I do remember one about a spanking machine. Later my cousins told me that they were sure I would end up as a Domme. Quite the opposite! So I can trace back my BDSM beginnings, but then there's the surprise twist at the end.

Actually, what surprises me is that the main character in my "spanking machine" story was male. How OOC of me.
 
Oh, not another anecdote!

Actually, this is relevant but in a different way. I already hinted that I'm sub to the core, but my lifelong partner is not naturally a Dom. Fortunately, I wasn't full-fledged sub when we got together; it was something I grew into once I became more comfortable and familiar with my sexuality. In that time, I "trained" him to be the glaring, smirking, possessive, decisive Master that I so craved. Ooh, tingles. Anyway, the point is that he wasn't born with the urge to dominate. He just likes the effect it has on me, and over time it's become something he enjoys for its own sake as well.
 
Quint said:
Oh, not another anecdote!

Actually, this is relevant but in a different way. I already hinted that I'm sub to the core, but my lifelong partner is not naturally a Dom. Fortunately, I wasn't full-fledged sub when we got together; it was something I grew into once I became more comfortable and familiar with my sexuality. In that time, I "trained" him to be the glaring, smirking, possessive, decisive Master that I so craved. Ooh, tingles. Anyway, the point is that he wasn't born with the urge to dominate. He just likes the effect it has on me, and over time it's become something he enjoys for its own sake as well.
Click to expand...


This is most encouraging. Thankyou.
 
Sex & Diamonds said:



This is most encouraging. Thankyou.
Click to expand...

Lol, you didn't quote my previous entry and say "This is most disturbing," for which I thank YOU.
 
Quint said:
Oh, not another anecdote!

Actually, this is relevant but in a different way. I already hinted that I'm sub to the core, but my lifelong partner is not naturally a Dom. Fortunately, I wasn't full-fledged sub when we got together; it was something I grew into once I became more comfortable and familiar with my sexuality. In that time, I "trained" him to be the glaring, smirking, possessive, decisive Master that I so craved. Ooh, tingles. Anyway, the point is that he wasn't born with the urge to dominate. He just likes the effect it has on me, and over time it's become something he enjoys for its own sake as well.
Click to expand...

Quint,

There are quite a few of us who are very interested in how you "trained" your Master. Please tell us more.


mg
 
I blame it on Anne Rice. I had read the vampire and witch series and continued on to the Princess trilogy. There was something about the first couple of chapters that struck a cord within my soul. It wasn't very difficult finding females that wanted to experiment. It took a year or so to discover that bdsm existed outside of my fantasies. If not for the online world, I probably would never discovered it.

I read somewhere that male dominance usually manifests later in life, after 35 or so. That was the case for me.
 
To Domme or not to Domme

to Domme or not to Domme
that is the question
whether tis nobler to suffer the stings and lashes of outrageous spankings
or to take whips against a willing sub and in so doing, beat him

i am a natural sub, but a certain hybrid on Literotica has stirred up a new desire to possess him in a most complete and satisfying manner

Here is what I shall wear for our first black tied-up affair:

www.fetishclothing.com/strapon1.jpg

:kiss: Pet:kiss:
 
morninggirl5 said:


Quint,

There are quite a few of us who are very interested in how you "trained" your Master. Please tell us more.


mg
Click to expand...

Nothing so interesting as what you're thinking, I'm sure! One of the many, many good things about our relationship is our great communication. We were open about our ideas, fears, desires, and so on with each other from the beginning. He knew what I wanted because I wasn't afraid to spell it out for him. He knew just what effect giving me "The Look" had on me, and he's a bright cookie...he knew that if he wanted to get me in the mood instantly, there were certain things he could do. I think I've always been the one to make the first move or the first mention of something I want to try. It bothers me sometimes, but that's another post. o) But really, all I had to do was describe certain traits, events, actions, etc. that I thought would turn me on. He'd do them. He'd see the reaction, which we both liked. Over time, it just came more naturally, like falling off a bike. Oops, wrong metaphor. But you get it, hopefully.
 
WriterDom said:
I blame it on Anne Rice. I had read the vampire and witch series and continued on to the Princess trilogy. There was something about the first couple of chapters that struck a cord within my soul. It wasn't very difficult finding females that wanted to experiment. It took a year or so to discover that bdsm existed outside of my fantasies. If not for the online world, I probably would never discovered it.

I read somewhere that male dominance usually manifests later in life, after 35 or so. That was the case for me.
Click to expand...


Thankyou (I'm going to have to run out and buy some of her books and leave them around)

;) He's a few years away from hitting the 35 mark, but I can wait :D
 
Quint said:


Nothing so interesting as what you're thinking, I'm sure! One of the many, many good things about our relationship is our great communication. We were open about our ideas, fears, desires, and so on with each other from the beginning. He knew what I wanted because I wasn't afraid to spell it out for him. He knew just what effect giving me "The Look" had on me, and he's a bright cookie...he knew that if he wanted to get me in the mood instantly, there were certain things he could do. I think I've always been the one to make the first move or the first mention of something I want to try. It bothers me sometimes, but that's another post. o) But really, all I had to do was describe certain traits, events, actions, etc. that I thought would turn me on. He'd do them. He'd see the reaction, which we both liked. Over time, it just came more naturally, like falling off a bike. Oops, wrong metaphor. But you get it, hopefully.
Click to expand...

Did you ever run into the feeling that you were pushing too hard ? or was "he" open to any and all new idea's all the time?
 
I have all the good ideas, but I haven't wanted to try something that has totally repelled him yet! He's willing to do practically anything if it pleases me.

Actually, when we started the really heavy role-playing (staged rape...see my post on "Extreme" in the How-To section), he was concerned. He didn't think he'd be able to do it. But that was something we got over together; I didn't really want it very much at the time that he wasn't sure of his capability. Other than that, he's absolutely shameless. Damn I'm lucky...
 
Quint said:
Other than that, he's absolutely shameless. Damn I'm lucky...
Click to expand...


Can I rub ya for some of that luck ??? :p ;)


I can get mine to try stuff, now and then. It's getting him to want it as often as I do is the hard part :(
 
I was born this way but

On many lists I have read threads about the question is a dom born that way or made....is there such a thing asa natural Dom/sub?

I can only speak for me, my experence and what I have seen in real life.........

I am 52...I have been in the formal lifestyle since I was around 24.
My first consciouse experence was when I was 15. I have seen many come and go...some stay.......

I have meet more than my share of what-a bees......

My opinion is that you are born that way or at lest develope the personality at a very early age........

That does not mean you know what actions to take or that there is a lifestyle....I was 24 -25 when I saw the stroy of O and went...WOW ... there are others like me.......

Just my opinion...it's free...you get what you pay for

Richard
Dom in Michigan
in search of Sub
 
Richard,


Thankyou for your opinion. That is what I am looking for.


(thank goodness it's free, or I'd be broke!) ;)
 
behaving?

Sex & Diamonds said:
Richard,
Thankyou for your opinion. That is what I am looking for.
(thank goodness it's free, or I'd be broke!) ;)
Click to expand...

I can think of a way or two to pay the bill U owe me :D :p

What do you mean behaving?
[Some how that part got dropped in the quote]

Richard
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

PenumbralVision
Newbie question about/for submissive women
Replies
4
Views
285
IrisAlthea
IrisAlthea
Bright_eyes_boy
BBW Dommes
Replies
16
Views
399
oolderbutnotwiser
oolderbutnotwiser
J
Medfet
Replies
9
Views
353
OnlinePlayDoctor
O
Bletdown2020
Brats: a punishment you were given to make your attitude right?
Replies
4
Views
539
Ciceri
C
A
Dom/Sub Contract Processing Cost
2
Replies
36
Views
956
Badguy4u
Badguy4u
Back
Top