From vanilla to Dom/me overnight

I am wondering if anyone has come into contact online or in real time with Fictional Dom/me syndrome..as I call it!
example...

A prior trainee of Mine had an online friendship with a woman for many months.
One day he told her about his submissive needs and sent her to My web site. She immediately saw a future on the FreeWay to a free ride at the expense of someones need. She informed him that she was a Mistress. She would accept him as her slave. Never even met the guy!
Within days she is spending weeks at a time living in his home. Having him buy her gifts and wait on her hand and foot. She didn't know a crop from a toothbrush but she was dominating enough to put the cuffs ( his ) on his wrists and make love to him.
That was about all he got in return for supporting her new fantasy.
Well not entirely! This vanilla woman decided to add to her cam site a new set of facts. She suddenly introduced herself as a Mistress and began adding the links to all of the BDSM friends he had introduced her to.
The longer he supported her the less she dominated him. Submission was no longer an option and to make a longgggg story short he finally had to tell her it was not working. Now you would think that would be that. O no..now vanilla really kicks in...she became his stalker..using her web site to more or less identify *him* as a player. Of course that was not enough and so the next step was to publish a new page dedicated to how she could have made him the slave he needs to be...IF he asks her to.
She published his pictures and the link to his home page. Clearly identifying him.
Only a phone call to her at My direction has caused her to remove his pictures and the link to his site.
This is more common than submissives are often aware of and those wanting so desperately to be owned in real time are often blind to the red flags.

Ugh some people....

Oivey!

I've noticed this.......phenomenon.... myself. It seems to be gaining momentum and practitioners. I know of a slave...... a very good, well-versed, well-trained girl. She was at a club, and..very similar..she bumped into this woman who, only after the slave mentioned she was one, went on at great length, (and rather florridly) about her many accomplishments as a Domme.

That night she went home with the "Domme". She was beaten to withing an inch of her life, and left chained the next night while this predator b**ch went out to look for another victim.

This sweet girl was held this way for about a week, and she finally was able to get loose, and run home.....15 miles....naked, bleeding, and with broken ribs, and a broken fibula.

The "Domme" was finally arrested, and served 2 months in jail. My friend lived with me for a while, and I had to help "fix" her. She refused to go to a psychiatrist after she was told she had gender disphoria, manic-depression, and schitzophrenia. (Because, and I quote: "You would have to be to feel that this......submission......thing.....was healthy, mentally, or physically")

She's alright now, but refuses to go back to her lifestyle of submission. She isn't herself, she has a mental, and emotional wound the size of Alaska, and why? Because the 'nilla world isn't prepared to accept our lifestyle as a valid need. (steps off soapbox)

Just a note: Subs/slaves.....ALWAYS use your safecalls. I'm not implying any of you experienced sub/slaves are stupid, but accidents can happen......peopl are rarely all that they claim, and rarely claim all that they are.

KestralWolfe

Very sobering stories, both of you.

This info hits home particularly hard because i'm apt to trust real-time people a LOT more than anyone from online. However, it's cetainly obvious by your stories that the worst abuse isn't being played out in online chatrooms.

I haven't heard any of those kinda stories in my area.
I hope i don't.

KestralWolfe thank you the indepth discussion of the possibilities and agonies that can occur in the world beyond cyber talk.

It takes a very long time to learn to trust again and to feel comfortable to come back to the needs of this lifestyle. Your friend was very lucky to have you to help her pick up the pieces.

Leaving her submission at the door for awhile is a healthy and healing thing to do but her needs cannot be hidden from herself nor should they be.

Slow cautious baby steps with many safety features in place and the understanding and support of friends that understand the pain both mental and physical that she has survived.

I wish I had the option, but I don't know where she is. I am hoping she contacts me soon, so I can know that she is healing as well as she was the last time we spoke. ty for the support. I didn't mean to bum anyone out, or frighten anyone, but I wanted the newbies who may be reading to understand that rl can be as dangerous in this lifestyle. I know that, as experienced as I am, after what happened to her, I am far more cautious.

Be well, safe, and happy, all

KestralWolfe

I think...

Awful stories to have to read. It's sad that these have to happen.

If there's one thing I have learned about reading about the lifestyle, and that's to be careful.

I had the opportunity to become a Domme to an online friend (both online and in RL) a few months back - and it didn't feel right so I declined.

At the time, I didn't know why it felt so wrong - but now I realise it's because I felt that the sub was too willing to give the gift of his submission to me. At the time, I remember asking "do you trust me" and he said "I don't know, I don't really know you that well" and yet he was still willing to submit to me. I'm pretty new to all this, but to me, the trust thing is important.

I'd been trying to contact this guy recently, as I'm desperately worried something bad might happen to him and today he mailed back to say that he was ok and he'd been reading lots of stuff over at www.steel-door.com and realised that he had a lot of thinking to do.

Naturally, I advised him to drop in here if he wanted to.

It's always right to trust your instincts in this kinda thing, Skally. It cheers me that you're so careful, too. Makes the whole thing safer for you and safer for whomever you'll eventually play with.

Mistress Steel, the woman who runs that site, is well-known and respected in BDSM circles and has been for many years. A lot of the info over there is geared toward those who've been doing this in thier everyday lives for awhile. In other words, it's like a ski resort that caters to intermediate and advanced skiiers; there's gonna be some beginner runs but not all that many, comparatively speaking.

We'd welcome your friend here, Skally, as you know, if he decides he's comfy speaking out among us.

i don't know if i welcomed you Shadowsdream...

i've been noticing your posts all over the place, and i'm becoming a big fan! You really seem to know whereof you speak. You can probably tell that "pretenders" don't last long around here. You might as well settle in for a long stay.

These stories really make me glad that i was exposed to the subject of BDSM here! cymbidia is very good at pointing out lapses in the "SAFE" part of the SSC equation, and very up front about even little mistakes she makes herself.

Teachers like her, RisiaSkye and you should help me build these principles into my very foundation, before i have a chance to get any bad habits.

If you get a moment, if it's public, could you please PM me with the URL to your website? i'm really quite intrigued.

Thanks.

Skally, it's wonderful to see you back! I take it your personal life has settled down a bit, then?

In any case, I missed you...and Eddie I.

The bottom line is that if I submit to someone, it will either be because that particular person compells submission from me, or it won't happen at all. And when I am dominant I expect the same, that the person offering their submission is offering it to ME, not to the first convenient person.
But so many people get too eager and get hurt. Which is why I am so glad there are places like this where people can learn.

Hello

RisiaSkye said:

Skally, it's wonderful to see you back! I take it your personal life has settled down a bit, then?

In any case, I missed you...and Eddie I.

Click to expand...

Thankfully, it's all settled down now and I feel ready to move forward in some way.

As for the Eddie I. pic - It was taken from this place -

http://fabulous.future.easyspace.com/izz9511.htm

There sure are some delicious pics there

I really do hope my friend decides to check out this place - I noticed cym's post with some useful links on this forum so I sent the links to him.

I'm so glad nothing happened to him and I'm glad he's been thinking about it in more depth. I feel a deep need in me to Domme, it feels natural - just as others realise the need to submit. I don't know why it hasn't occured to me before, but I'm glad it has now.

I myself have been thinking about my role as a Domme more today. I'm not entirely sure that I could participate in things like playing with clothes pins or knife play. At the moment I'm finding stuff like spanking, shaving and restraints appealing - but I think that my desires may well change over time - once I become more experienced.

It also depends on the relationship I have with the sub at the time. The important thing being, is that our checklists (and I think they are an excellent idea) match as closely as possible, and that we are able to communicate and discuss things without fear of recrimination.

It may take me years to fully develop as a Domme - but I'm going to approach things carefully.

Anyway, I'm rambling here (plus I don't wanna take over this thread !).

Skally


It takes a lifetime to be a good Domme. We never stop learning and growing.

Many of the limits You feel You have today will disappear as You become more comfortable with Your own Domination. One day You will realize that todays limits are tomorrows favourite play.

If You always remember that it is Your own unique qualities that make You special in the eyes of the submissive You will choose as Your own Your growth will not become stunted.

It sounds as though You already have the right qualities of compassion and caring to travel a safe road for the one You will ultimately control.

DRxBlue

Thank you for the kind welcome.

I am very pleased to hear that the imposters don't last long here. I suspected as much and that is the reason I have jumped into the discussions with both feet.

The strength of the BDSM community is only as powerful as its members make it. Safety is in the support and information We share not in the facts We withhold.

Shadowsdream said:

Skally


It takes a lifetime to be a good Domme. We never stop learning and growing.

Many of the limits You feel You have today will disappear as You become more comfortable with Your own Domination. One day You will realize that todays limits are tomorrows favourite play.

If You always remember that it is Your own unique qualities that make You special in the eyes of the submissive You will choose as Your own Your growth will not become stunted.

It sounds as though You already have the right qualities of compassion and caring to travel a safe road for the one You will ultimately control.

Click to expand...

Thanks

The main things that I feel that I can offer is respect and love. I do think that my soft and hard limits will change over time, once I have some experience.

Like you say, it's a continual learning process.

A good thread to warn the unsuspecting of the dangers that can lurk.

C

Shadowsdream said:

Skally


It takes a lifetime to be a good Domme. We never stop learning and growing.

Many of the limits You feel You have today will disappear as You become more comfortable with Your own Domination. One day You will realize that todays limits are tomorrows favourite play.

If You always remember that it is Your own unique qualities that make You special in the eyes of the submissive You will choose as Your own Your growth will not become stunted.

It sounds as though You already have the right qualities of compassion and caring to travel a safe road for the one You will ultimately control.

Click to expand...

Nice little gem here I had overlooked.

I don't understand how anyone could have a 1-night-stand BDSM kind of thing.

I know that as a Dom, I have to feel I know the person well enough to know their limits before I go into a situation.

KestralWolfe said:

I've noticed this.......phenomenon.... myself. It seems to be gaining momentum and practitioners. I know of a slave...... a very good, well-versed, well-trained girl. She was at a club, and..very similar..she bumped into this woman who, only after the slave mentioned she was one, went on at great length, (and rather florridly) about her many accomplishments as a Domme.

That night she went home with the "Domme". She was beaten to withing an inch of her life, and left chained the next night while this predator b**ch went out to look for another victim.

This sweet girl was held this way for about a week, and she finally was able to get loose, and run home.....15 miles....naked, bleeding, and with broken ribs, and a broken fibula.

The "Domme" was finally arrested, and served 2 months in jail. My friend lived with me for a while, and I had to help "fix" her. She refused to go to a psychiatrist after she was told she had gender disphoria, manic-depression, and schitzophrenia. (Because, and I quote: "You would have to be to feel that this......submission......thing.....was healthy, mentally, or physically")

She's alright now, but refuses to go back to her lifestyle of submission. She isn't herself, she has a mental, and emotional wound the size of Alaska, and why? Because the 'nilla world isn't prepared to accept our lifestyle as a valid need. (steps off soapbox)

Just a note: Subs/slaves.....ALWAYS use your safecalls. I'm not implying any of you experienced sub/slaves are stupid, but accidents can happen......peopl are rarely all that they claim, and rarely claim all that they are.

KestralWolfe

Click to expand...

God, how could someone be so cruel and have such little regard for human life? It scares the hell out of me...

Liana26 said:

God, how could someone be so cruel and have such little regard for human life? It scares the hell out of me...

Click to expand...

She wasn't quite as bad as Slavemaster. Remember the guy in the midwest who stored his dead slaves in 55 gallon barrels? I guess he is still on death row for that.

WriterDom said:

She wasn't quite as bad as Slavemaster. Remember the guy in the midwest who stored his dead slaves in 55 gallon barrels? I guess he is still on death row for that.

Click to expand...

*Shudder* Yes, I do remember reading about him. Can't they hurry up and get on with that execution?

I am getting dizzy!

Due to the fact that I am in the BDSM public life on a daily basis I am getting a real close up look at "Instant Domme" as I watch new faces come and go. So many beginning as "Domme" just to see them one week later submitting and giving themselves a new title "Switch" just to have a partner or play.

Unfortunately that fast transition inhibits their credibility...best to not declare ones orientation if one is on the fence. I have even had My eye on a sub or two that might have been chosen if I didn't see them playing both sides of the whip just to play...argh....!

I remember reading a real life story about a guy who kidnapped this girl who was hitchhiking (it was the 70's). He and his wife convinced her that their was an underground group of people that had slaves(real ones, not consenting ones), and that if she tried to escape or tell anyone what was goin on, they'd kill her parents. Then he would made up his bed so that she had to live in this little area under it. They lived like this for like 20 years before his wife started to feel guilty and told her the truth. I never finished it, but I think he's in jail, too.

Shadowsdream said:

I am getting dizzy!

Due to the fact that I am in the BDSM public life on a daily basis I am getting a real close up look at "Instant Domme" as I watch new faces come and go. So many beginning as "Domme" just to see them one week later submitting and giving themselves a new title "Switch" just to have a partner or play.

Unfortunately that fast transition inhibits their credibility...best to not declare ones orientation if one is on the fence. I have even had My eye on a sub or two that might have been chosen if I didn't see them playing both sides of the whip just to play...argh....!

Click to expand...

I find it hard to believe that someone thinks they can be a sub+a dom... I can't understand it.

Now, maybe vanilla or bdsm is more understandable. I'm more that way, of that I enjoy bondage+discipline, but it's not a showstopper if the girl isn't into it.

Ah, it's like people who like men and women. Poseurs, all of them. Or those people who drink Coke and Pepsi. Sorry but life is all about either/or orientations. There is no middle ground.