Advice for a developing Dom

Wow, I started two threads in one day; that assfuck really got the creative juices going....eww.

So I was feeling particularly submissive today. I haven't felt this way in a long time and so it totally caught hunny off-guard. For an engineer-in-training, he sure is missing a few pieces in the imagination department. He needs help being a Dom, not leaning that way naturally.

Subs, what common things does your Dom/me make you do or prohibit you from doing? Dom/mes, what do you command your subbie to do? I am asking about normal public life. The reply given by HotXBunz in this thread is a perfect example of what I really wanted today (and might in the future):

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=79564

I almost wished I were a Domme, because there were so many good things I thought of, that I wished HE'D thought of! I don't want to give him a grocery list of things I've thought up, because then duh, I know what he'll do and there is no thrill. So I promise to stay away from this board when I get replies, but he won't. Please, help him out (without TOO much mockery, if you please--remember, he is Dom mostly because I like it). Thanks in advance, everyone.

Quint

One of the consistant expectations I have of My slave is how he serves My coffee ( all beverages) in public or at home.
When presenting My coffee publically he will prepare it with the cream and sugar...taste it to be certain it will pass My inspection..kiss the rim of the cup..and hand it to Me with the statement..your coffee Mistress. This small ritual is so ingrained in him that he has found ways to be very subtle in very public places and less subtle when appropriate
Of course privately I expect more.

Hey ... this looks like this could be another great BDSM thread for me to watch ....

My wife and I both are new to BDSM ..... learning to be a Dom has been going well but a long way to go still ..... we've sat down and figured out our limits and what we want out of BDSM; our likes and dislikes .... now to put it all into practice .... a bit at a time

Quint or Quint's husband,

Give him the grocery list of things you've thought up. He can decide which things he wants to do and which he'd rather not. Also, he now has more of a base from which to construct his own ideas.

My slave is a smoker..a light smoker...even in public he must ask for permission for each cigarette.
I enjoy keeping My eyes off of him when I can see him begin to dance from foot to foot wanting to catch My eye for permission. he knows that he cannot take it for granted that i will say yes. If I hesitate for just a few minutes with My answer I can see his agony begin.
If he makes the mistake of putting a cigarette between his lips he KNOWS that I will have it in My hand before he gets a chance to light it. Occassionaly it is a wonderful thing for him to fail in this small way just to watch the panic that hits his sweet face when My eyes meet his. I know his mistake is unintentional but I also know that he needs My to always be aware that he obeys.
Sometimes it is the non sexual play that has the biggest impact long term.

Shadowsdream said:

My slave is a smoker..a light smoker...even in public he must ask for permission for each cigarette...

Click to expand...

I'm a smoker and if I was a sub ... that would drive well over the edge ... I don't know if I could do that .... If that were the case .. I'd be punished daily

The Rooster


I'm a smoker and if I was a sub ... that would drive well over the edge ... I don't know if I could do that .... If that were the case .. I'd be punished daily

.....................................................................................................


hmmm the edge you say? Yes it is not an easy rule to obey in the beginning and small mistakes will still happen in the excitement of the moment, but it has become one of his joys..he now savours every puff that he is allowed. I adore how hard he tries to please Me.

grrr..for looking unregisterd

If I were presented with a list from a sub I would be very angry I think It is the top from the bottom which is very stupid for a sub to attempt. I encourage not to do this

Instead he should be encouraged to listen to other Dom/mes with the sub excluded from the conversation

From Quint's Dom, aka "hunny"

Hey. I just wanted to reply and let you know that I've been reading this thread. I'd like to say that I've learned a lot from it but so far I haven't. Let me explain a couple things about myself, because I don't know how clear it was. I'm not naturally dominant. It's a mood I have to be in to really know what to do and what to have Quint do. Our relationship does not normally involve power play. Therefore, I see nothing wrong with her giving me advice. She knows what she wants and quite frankly, she has much more experience and knowledge about this world than I do.

Nessus, I think you're assuming we have whatever "conventional" BDSM relationship most of you have. We don't. I'm not a full-fledged Dom. Yes, at times it's very natural to assume the dominant role in our play and life, but that's at times. This is why she wanted to get this advice. Topping from the bottom in this case is appreciated and necessary, not "stupid."

Also, she hasn't read any of this thread, so I AM "[listening] to other Dom/mes with the sub excluded from the conversation." As far as the two of us know, there isn't a BDSM community in our area. So this is the best place she could think of to come for advice. So far, there's been little to none. I want to please every aspect of her. Please understand that this part of me isn't always dominant (pun intended), and that I really could use your help. Thanks.

Not being sure what Quint's into is a bit of a hindrance for me in the advice regard. I like role plays; they're good for a framework and pretty natural for a writer. I just start to imagine a scene or conversation, and go from there. Specific activities are something you might want to discuss, and frankly, without fear of the "laundry list" issue. Just a sharing of ideas; you don't need to go through with them all, and certainly don't treat them as blueprint! You're an engineer, man! Think like one! (I was a machinist briefly, so I have some idea what certain types of engineers think like. I was also going to school for computer programming, so I know about other types of engineers, too, more peripherally.)

You have a need to meet, though it may not be yours. A function that can be fulfilled. You even have, if you read the other threads and stories here (Take quite a few of them with a grain of salt), a huge list of ways to fulfil that need. Build on them, expand them, boil them away to their essence, and you have a process.

Above all, have fun!

Sorry, wish I had some more particular avice to offer, but I'm not omniscient; I don't know the whole of what's in both of your heads.

And, Quint's "hunny"? Register yourself, and ask direct questions. Use PM's if Quint wants to keep the surprise and sispense. Hecate, Nessus, WriterDom, Risia, cymbidia, heck, even I would be more than happy to help out. I just sorted a few names known for their wicked imaginations; there's more of us with ideas.....

Well, I would recommend a couple of things.

There are some great websites which provide information for Doms. The links can be found in Wizard's link thread.

Then, you and Quint need to do some research, make some determinations about where your tastes meet and where they differ. You can't do that unless you know what some of the BDSM practices are.

Castlerealm.com has pages for Doms as well as subs. It is also home of the Deviant's Dictionary. You could research different forms of play, toys and practices and decide what the two of you hope to find together. There are other sites, but I am less than familiar with them.

It sounds as though you have some great fondations for Domination. Certainly, a Dom is in tune with His/Her sub's needs and desires. It is a relationship based upon mutual pleasure. You seem to understand that.

Communication is always key...in the scene and out. It also appears that the two of you communicate well. How exciting to explore BDSM together!

Good Luck and enjoy!

Himself keeps what he jokingly calls his Master's Handbook... what it really is is a list of links for Dom/mes that he finds interesting and links of ideas that he wants to try... If I find something interesting that I think he might like I send it to him... however I never mention it again... If he is interested, it will turn up in our play sooner or later.

Of course, he is a natural Dom and has quite an imagination... LOL... which I do love. We do discuss things that we would like to try, issues that I have, or needs that I have. Because he is as interested in pleasing me as I am in pleasing him, he does not mind the subtle little hints I send him from time to time.

Re: From Quint's Dom, aka "hunny"

Unregistered said:

Hey. I just wanted to reply and let you know that I've been reading this thread. I'd like to say that I've learned a lot from it but so far I haven't. Let me explain a couple things about myself, because I don't know how clear it was. I'm not naturally dominant. It's a mood I have to be in to really know what to do and what to have Quint do. Our relationship does not normally involve power play. Therefore, I see nothing wrong with her giving me advice. She knows what she wants and quite frankly, she has much more experience and knowledge about this world than I do.

Nessus, I think you're assuming we have whatever "conventional" BDSM relationship most of you have. We don't. I'm not a full-fledged Dom. Yes, at times it's very natural to assume the dominant role in our play and life, but that's at times. This is why she wanted to get this advice. Topping from the bottom in this case is appreciated and necessary, not "stupid."

Also, she hasn't read any of this thread, so I AM "[listening] to other Dom/mes with the sub excluded from the conversation." As far as the two of us know, there isn't a BDSM community in our area. So this is the best place she could think of to come for advice. So far, there's been little to none. I want to please every aspect of her. Please understand that this part of me isn't always dominant (pun intended), and that I really could use your help. Thanks.

Click to expand...

Conventional BDSM relationship? Is there such a thing

Nessus said:

If I were presented with a list from a sub I would be very angry I think It is the top from the bottom which is very stupid for a sub to attempt. I encourage not to do this

Instead he should be encouraged to listen to other Dom/mes with the sub excluded from the conversation

Click to expand...

If the submissive were to give their dominant a "to do" list, then I agree with you, that is likely to be destructive to a BDSM relationship. But if the submissive were to make a list of things they were interested in, and present it to the dominant as a means of communicating their desires, that is a perfectly valid thing to do.

James Blandings said:

If the submissive were to give their dominant a "to do" list, then I agree with you, that is likely to be destructive to a BDSM relationship. But if the submissive were to make a list of things they were interested in, and present it to the dominant as a means of communicating their desires, that is a perfectly valid thing to do.

Click to expand...

Thank you, James. That was my point about not worrying about the "laundry list". The phrase "scene negotiation" popped into my head, although it sounds too stuffy and formal for the thought I had of it.

Re: Re: From Quint's Dom, aka "hunny"

Nessus said:

Conventional BDSM relationship? Is there such a thing

Click to expand...

Not that I'm aware of; I'll let you know if I find one.

Right after I throw it in the river.

I bumped a thread with excellent links to information for you.

Have at it and good luck!

Wow .... thanx for all the info ... and thank you for all yall's time and effort in helpin' us newbies out ....

not that I usually would do this, but ...

.. I am kinda little restricted timewise so I will "spam" the board, pointing "hunny" to my web-site (click on the little link thingy to my home page below this post).

Once there go to the "lifestyle-section" and there to the

Want to try? (or just click on the before words to be directly taken there).

Not maybe a rteady made up scene - but some hints I know have proven usefull to other budding dominants.

Now go and have fun exploring, playing and discovering.

Hecate ....

Thanx for sharing ... another to bookmark

You know at first .. I didn't like the idea of being a Dom ... but now ...a after a couple months now ... I find it incredibly fullfillin' .... my wife/sub hasn't been this happy in a long time!

I'm now goin' through withdrawls .... in-laws are in town .. and we are havin' to hide our lifesyle ... sux.

The Rooster

When we were just getting into the BDSM aspect of our relationship we bought two heart shaped boxes and put twenty pieces of paper in them. On the paper we listed things we wanted to try and exchanged them. I was the proud owner of her box of fantasies and she of mine. We always talked about these things but would occasionally get into the "What do you want to do for dinner? I don't care, what ever you want" rut in the bedroom. The papers were safe because we knew it was something the other one was interested in and it kept it interesting because we did not know what was going to come out of the little red box. For that matter, we didnt know what might be going into the little red box (bad pun) until we read the paper. Would the scene du jour include nipple clamps, dildos and a bed bondage scene or would we be playing something wicked between us in public which may include revealing clothing and talking to strangers about naughty things?

Because we switch there was a varied assortment of dominant and submissive ideas. Okay,I'll admit, I had a few more submissive ideas that dominant ones. LOL As the years passed we found we did not need the box as much. Our limits and interests have evolved. We would probaby have completely different things in there now. As you have seen in your own personal experience we grow in these relationships and into these roles. Each couple has to find that place that clicks for them. What may work for my Honey and I may not work for You and yours. That is the beauty of communicating our needs, wants and deepest desires.

Have fun and happy hunting for ideas.

Interesting ....

Thanx for the info ... now that the inlaws and parents have gone home ..... we're going to try to get back into it ... with the new baby though ...... it maybe sometime ..... Still have to wait about 2 more weeks for 'nilla sex anyway

BDSM Checklist

That is the main reason I use a BDSM Checklist. Ii shows the full range of activities, and it gives you an opportunity to grade them so that you can identify hard limits.

I use it with new subs. Not only does it tell me how much they know about BDSM, it also tells me what activities they have participated in (vanilla or BDSM). It is a good basis for conversation too.

I also find it interesting that when the names of knowledgable and/or helpful people are mentioned, mine is never on the list.

Interesting.

Ebony

HotXBunz said:

The Rooster

When we were just getting into the BDSM aspect of our relationship we bought two heart shaped boxes and put twenty pieces of paper in them. On the paper we listed things we wanted to try and exchanged them. I was the proud owner of her box of fantasies and she of mine. We always talked about these things but would occasionally get into the "What do you want to do for dinner? I don't care, what ever you want" rut in the bedroom. The papers were safe because we knew it was something the other one was interested in and it kept it interesting because we did not know what was going to come out of the little red box. For that matter, we didnt know what might be going into the little red box (bad pun) until we read the paper. Would the scene du jour include nipple clamps, dildos and a bed bondage scene or would we be playing something wicked between us in public which may include revealing clothing and talking to strangers about naughty things?

Because we switch there was a varied assortment of dominant and submissive ideas. Okay,I'll admit, I had a few more submissive ideas that dominant ones. LOL As the years passed we found we did not need the box as much. Our limits and interests have evolved. We would probaby have completely different things in there now. As you have seen in your own personal experience we grow in these relationships and into these roles. Each couple has to find that place that clicks for them. What may work for my Honey and I may not work for You and yours. That is the beauty of communicating our needs, wants and deepest desires.

Have fun and happy hunting for ideas.

Click to expand...

That is a very good idea. Thank you.