D/s contracts

Aussie Worm said:

How important is a contract and how detailed should it be? My mistress, or owner as I must refer to her likes details and everything spelled out. Does it really matter as long as you have the important things like what each other will do, how long the contract will last and a safe-word and its conditions of use?

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cymbidia said:

In all my years of doing this, i've only subbed once to someone who required a written contract. His insistence on a contract was, in large part, a way of insuring that we both knew what we would be doing and acepted everything that would be between us. He required that i research and develop the contract from scratch; he didn't have one ready for me to sign. Over my weeks of that contract R & D, he and i had *numerous* discussions about our expectations with regard to what would be. That, i think, was the most of the point of the excercise.

I don't think i still have a copy a contract in my files somewhere. If i do, though, i'll delete all personal stuff and post it here, if you think it would be of benefit.

With everything spelled out, each of you knows what to expect. Dom/mes have such an awesome responsibility for us, i wonder that more of them don't want a contract, to be honest. It can be argued - successfully - that they are unenforceable from a legal perspective since, at best, they are but a formalized, written guideline and agreement to the kinda stuff we all talk about before we play anyway (or **should** talk about before we play). At worst, contracts can implicate the Dom/me in activities that may still be illegal in your area.

Note: There have been US court cases in the last 10 years wherein BDSM contracts were used to try to prove abuse. Consensuality notwithstanding, in some parts of the US even anal intercourse is still illegal. The days are not long past in which almost everything we do together as fully sexual D/s partners and consenting adults was also illegal and had to be carefully hidden from nilla society.

Anyway, to paraphrase your words, does the contract really matter as long as you feel safe with her, have a safe word, and know when and how to use it? If the contract gives your Dom/me some peace of mind in some way, why not? At the very least, it's a harmless, painless way to help you both more fully understand the limits between you, is is not?

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