on being big
- Thread starter cyn1959
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CarolineOh
Newbie Phase Two
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I have just (like 5 minutes ago) returned home from a bdsm play party. I saw all types of people there, of all sizes. There were certainly many large women who were submissives.
One of the things I really like from what I've seen of the bdsm scene is that people seem so non-judgemental about appearance.
One of the things I really like from what I've seen of the bdsm scene is that people seem so non-judgemental about appearance.
yuppietowngirl
Bambi's Stand In
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S'Real's reality
I have noticed this also. It is so very wonderful that people are more acceptable to people of all shapes, sizes, colours or sexual preferences. It is how it should be in the nilla world. Oh I am sure there is some predjuices (sp?) but it doesn't seem as strong.
CarolineOh said:
I have noticed this also. It is so very wonderful that people are more acceptable to people of all shapes, sizes, colours or sexual preferences. It is how it should be in the nilla world. Oh I am sure there is some predjuices (sp?) but it doesn't seem as strong.
monster666
COOKIE!!
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cyn1959 said:
Look at my AV. Now think submissive.
Shadowsdream
Dream Maker
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I have always been happy to see that submission and Domination are both seen from the emotional aspect rather than the physical.
The beauty of submission is not in the body it is in the eyes for Me. I have an incredible fascination with the softness that comes into the eyes of a submissive.
The beauty of submission is not in the body it is in the eyes for Me. I have an incredible fascination with the softness that comes into the eyes of a submissive.
SpectreT
Knight in Tarnished Armor
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cellis said:
True enough. I'm a fairly large specimen of humanity myself. Take a look at my AV. I'm 6' tall and over 300 pounds (muscular, but pudgy). Wouldn't think of me as a Switch, or a crossdresser to look at me, but those are a couple of my turn-ons. It's inside that counts, not the shell.
DustyWolfe
Proud Transman
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cyn1959 said:
I just went to a dungeon for the first time last night, and very few of the women were really skinny. It seemed most of them were at least a bit overweight in some area of their body.
I'm a big girl, but people were still quite interested in me. I was bit shocked at all the comments and praises I got from several of the Dommes.
Seen it All
Greetings All,
In all actuality, body size is one of the last things that many people look at when dealing with BDSM. And some Dommes have told me that they would rather play with a 'larger' person because then they don't have to be as concerned with inadvertantly injuring their play partners. But the reality of it all is that while the sensation is wonderful and warm and fuzzy, the 'energy' exchange that happens between the people involved is so much more important than what one sees. I don't think I have seen a Cosmo model at any of the play parties I have been to... (perhaps they are nibbling on carrots?)
Hugs to All
Greetings All,
In all actuality, body size is one of the last things that many people look at when dealing with BDSM. And some Dommes have told me that they would rather play with a 'larger' person because then they don't have to be as concerned with inadvertantly injuring their play partners. But the reality of it all is that while the sensation is wonderful and warm and fuzzy, the 'energy' exchange that happens between the people involved is so much more important than what one sees. I don't think I have seen a Cosmo model at any of the play parties I have been to... (perhaps they are nibbling on carrots?)
Hugs to All
cyn1959
Really Experienced
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- Nov 22, 2001
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whew!
so do you all think that if a Dom demands his sub to lose a significant amount of weight before meeting in real time, is this cool? I know all reasons for health and well-being to lose, but from the viewpointof BDSM lifestyle what I'm reading here is more acceptance of size than not....
thank you all for wonderful responses and i even laughed out loud at you, Monster666!
you are all a wonderful group of people and i hope to become a regular part of discussions.
so do you all think that if a Dom demands his sub to lose a significant amount of weight before meeting in real time, is this cool? I know all reasons for health and well-being to lose, but from the viewpointof BDSM lifestyle what I'm reading here is more acceptance of size than not....
thank you all for wonderful responses and i even laughed out loud at you, Monster666!
you are all a wonderful group of people and i hope to become a regular part of discussions.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
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You know, cyn, there are people who *need* thin partners. There are those who prefer partners who have some extra on them. There are those who prefer really large partners, too.
The body size that one prefers in a partner is a big deal - or it isn't.
Their relative intelligence is a big deal - or it isn't.
Their availability to play every single weekend is a big deal - or it isn't.
Their willingness to be pierced, or to do that piercing, as part of the heat flowing between the two of you is a big deal - or it isn't.
EVERY ONE has *things* we need our partner to have, things that excite us, things that leave us cold.
For instance, i have a strong preferance for mustaches on the Dom's with whom i play. It's not quite a fetish for me but it's damn fucking close. Would i, have i, played with Dom's who don't have a mustache? Uh-huh. Once or twice. I mean that literally: in about 30 years of real time BDSM play, i've played seriously with only one or two male Dominants who didn't have a mustache.
What would i do if i met/talked/got to know/came to care for someone online (BIG stretch for me there since i don't play online at all) and then wanted to go offline with him - but he didn't have a mustache?
Would i end it?
Would i refuse to meet him?
Of course not.
Would i ask him if he'd ever considered growing a moustache?
Oh yeh. Definitely.
I'd definitely tell him how attracted i was to them.
But i wouldn't try to make him feel less of a Dominant for choosing to remain without one. I wouldn't tear at his self-esteem or issue ultimatums around the subject.
It would be *him* i was meeting - not his moustache.
The same might be true of your online Dominant and his feelings about weight. He might have a big preferance for thin women.
You're going to have to think about asking him straight out if that's true, or ask him (at least) to explain why he's so insistent about you losing lots of weight before you two meet.
If he tells you that he has a strong preferance for thin women but he cares for and wants you then you have to decide what you will do.
Can you lose the weight? If you want to but cannot, how will that affect what's between you? How will losing the weight because he insists you lose it affect your feelings about yourself, your baseline self-esteem? What if you are okay with how you look; are you willing, then, to lose weight to please him, to begin this adventure with him?
Weight is a weighty issue for all of us, whatever our body size.
I think that if one is relatively healthy, if one excercises and eats appropriately, and if one is reasonably content with how they look, then one should refuse to allow anyone else to make them feel at all shamed regarding their body size.
No one can humiliate you or embarass you or shame you about anything, including body size, unless you allow it. Reach into your heart and brain to find the truth for yourself about how you feel on this issue and then go to him and ask your questions from that core of strength.
Be strong.
Be centered.
Do what is right for *you*.
Ultimately, as submissives, if we are true to ourselves, our Dominants benefit from our self-knowledge in a very big way. When our Dominants benefit from our actions and our truth then so, forever and ever, do we. It's a wonderful circle.
The body size that one prefers in a partner is a big deal - or it isn't.
Their relative intelligence is a big deal - or it isn't.
Their availability to play every single weekend is a big deal - or it isn't.
Their willingness to be pierced, or to do that piercing, as part of the heat flowing between the two of you is a big deal - or it isn't.
EVERY ONE has *things* we need our partner to have, things that excite us, things that leave us cold.
For instance, i have a strong preferance for mustaches on the Dom's with whom i play. It's not quite a fetish for me but it's damn fucking close. Would i, have i, played with Dom's who don't have a mustache? Uh-huh. Once or twice. I mean that literally: in about 30 years of real time BDSM play, i've played seriously with only one or two male Dominants who didn't have a mustache.
What would i do if i met/talked/got to know/came to care for someone online (BIG stretch for me there since i don't play online at all) and then wanted to go offline with him - but he didn't have a mustache?
Would i end it?
Would i refuse to meet him?
Of course not.
Would i ask him if he'd ever considered growing a moustache?
Oh yeh. Definitely.
I'd definitely tell him how attracted i was to them.
But i wouldn't try to make him feel less of a Dominant for choosing to remain without one. I wouldn't tear at his self-esteem or issue ultimatums around the subject.
It would be *him* i was meeting - not his moustache.
The same might be true of your online Dominant and his feelings about weight. He might have a big preferance for thin women.
You're going to have to think about asking him straight out if that's true, or ask him (at least) to explain why he's so insistent about you losing lots of weight before you two meet.
If he tells you that he has a strong preferance for thin women but he cares for and wants you then you have to decide what you will do.
Can you lose the weight? If you want to but cannot, how will that affect what's between you? How will losing the weight because he insists you lose it affect your feelings about yourself, your baseline self-esteem? What if you are okay with how you look; are you willing, then, to lose weight to please him, to begin this adventure with him?
Weight is a weighty issue for all of us, whatever our body size.
I think that if one is relatively healthy, if one excercises and eats appropriately, and if one is reasonably content with how they look, then one should refuse to allow anyone else to make them feel at all shamed regarding their body size.
No one can humiliate you or embarass you or shame you about anything, including body size, unless you allow it. Reach into your heart and brain to find the truth for yourself about how you feel on this issue and then go to him and ask your questions from that core of strength.
Be strong.
Be centered.
Do what is right for *you*.
Ultimately, as submissives, if we are true to ourselves, our Dominants benefit from our self-knowledge in a very big way. When our Dominants benefit from our actions and our truth then so, forever and ever, do we. It's a wonderful circle.
James Blandings
Literotica Guru
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cyn1959 said:
As a switch, I admit that when I see a new woman at a club or munch who is large, particularly if she is tall, that my brains immediately goes Oh I hope she's a Domme. That's the way Im wired. But that does not mean I have a right to expect or assume her to be Domme. I do usually find a chance to ask though. But take it for granted, No.
It used to be easier to tell which women were Dommes, but you go to BDSM events nowdays and you see lots of submisive women wearing high heels and corsets and leather clothing etc., so a little confusion is understandable.
James Blandings
Literotica Guru
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here is a different take on body size. What do you all think of Dominanats who like extremely obese women and make their submisives gain large amounts of weight?
I know one couple where he has her on a weight gain schedule, and she has gained over 100 pounds while they have been together.
I know one couple where he has her on a weight gain schedule, and she has gained over 100 pounds while they have been together.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
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That's certainly a different take on the ole body mods fetish, isn't it?
Okay. Well. Gee.
While i wouldn't load a 5 into the box for forced weight gain/loss (or a 4...or a 3...maybe a 2...probably a 1), if it's a completely consensual thing, if the one gaining the weight is not doing so in an unhealthly manner, if both people knew what they were getting into before they started, then, well, it's not me so i have no right to pass judegement.
The one doing the big weight gain, though...man! I hope that person has some kinda back-up plan for losing it should the BDSM relationship s/he gained it for fall apart. (I'm thinking a contract for the provision of a health club membership and Weight Watchers Food Plans and a personal fitness trainer and...)
I wouldn't do it but there are a lot of things i won't do. (Caroline and that voluntary caning she experienced last night leap immediately to mind.)
We all have to "step to the music which [we] hear no matter how measured or far away."
We BDSM perverts more than many, perhaps.
Good question, James.
Okay. Well. Gee.
While i wouldn't load a 5 into the box for forced weight gain/loss (or a 4...or a 3...maybe a 2...probably a 1), if it's a completely consensual thing, if the one gaining the weight is not doing so in an unhealthly manner, if both people knew what they were getting into before they started, then, well, it's not me so i have no right to pass judegement.
The one doing the big weight gain, though...man! I hope that person has some kinda back-up plan for losing it should the BDSM relationship s/he gained it for fall apart. (I'm thinking a contract for the provision of a health club membership and Weight Watchers Food Plans and a personal fitness trainer and...)
I wouldn't do it but there are a lot of things i won't do. (Caroline and that voluntary caning she experienced last night leap immediately to mind.)
We all have to "step to the music which [we] hear no matter how measured or far away."
We BDSM perverts more than many, perhaps.
Good question, James.
cyn1959
Really Experienced
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- Nov 22, 2001
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I think you all are wonderful, and especially your remarks cymbidia
really make a lot of sense. Well everyone here is giving such good feedback i feel like a big horny group hug
ok so my Master wants me to lose the weight for my health. He does have a preference that i get down to a size he prefers, which is not too thin but not huge like i am right now. Master wants me to be healthy and strong for our eventual meeting...and more...and i know i need to lose as i feel uncomfortable. I've tried to lose and it's a big battle!
But hearing my Master tell me in his way that it is necessary may be the deciding factor for me. I've already lost 15 lbs., wow only like 90 more to go...
Anyway i truly appreciate the size acceptance here. Thanks.
really make a lot of sense. Well everyone here is giving such good feedback i feel like a big horny group hug
ok so my Master wants me to lose the weight for my health. He does have a preference that i get down to a size he prefers, which is not too thin but not huge like i am right now. Master wants me to be healthy and strong for our eventual meeting...and more...and i know i need to lose as i feel uncomfortable. I've tried to lose and it's a big battle!
But hearing my Master tell me in his way that it is necessary may be the deciding factor for me. I've already lost 15 lbs., wow only like 90 more to go...
Anyway i truly appreciate the size acceptance here. Thanks.
cyn1959
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 22, 2001
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- 128
I didn't get to wat i wanted to say about this issue. you are right that if you feel ok with your size nobody should force you to make changes. But what I'm getting at is that my Master tells me to do something, i comply with obedience like a submissive slave i am.
So what happens if i get to a certain point and can't lose any more...will He discipline me and is tthat appropriate?
we really are suited for each other, have many phone calls that last for hours, etc. I just want to jump his bones and can't stand that I'm too heavy for him! I'm too heavy for me! Does anyone want to start a group of subs who want to lose weight?
Cynthia again Zaney
So what happens if i get to a certain point and can't lose any more...will He discipline me and is tthat appropriate?
we really are suited for each other, have many phone calls that last for hours, etc. I just want to jump his bones and can't stand that I'm too heavy for him! I'm too heavy for me! Does anyone want to start a group of subs who want to lose weight?
Cynthia again Zaney
Shadowsdream
Dream Maker
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another twist on BiG...
My slave is 6' 4"...I am 5' 1"..sorry but the Canadian Mistress never could figure out centimeters!
he often says...i am too big!
I never think...I am to small!
When he gains a kilo he feels even bigger....I say to Myself...the bigger they are the harder they fall....to their knees of course ~~~grin~~~
My slave is 6' 4"...I am 5' 1"..sorry but the Canadian Mistress never could figure out centimeters!
he often says...i am too big!
I never think...I am to small!
When he gains a kilo he feels even bigger....I say to Myself...the bigger they are the harder they fall....to their knees of course ~~~grin~~~
bluntforcemama
Aqua Vulva
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Losing weight... it's a tough thing to do, and I struggle with it constantly. I'm an average girl with an average weight, but I have to FIGHT to keep myself average, and I hate it. It's like being hungry all of the time! The only thing that has worked for me is to eliminate as much flour and sugar from my diet as I can. If flour or sugar is in the first 5 ingredients of anything I pick up at the grocery store, I put it back.
cyn, I really don't think that your Master should be advising you on losing weight. He should take you as you are, and not try to force you to lose weight. I'm not privy to the information that you obviously have (as does he), so my judgments might be biased unnecessarily. Perhaps I'm too sensitive about the weight issue.
cyn, I really don't think that your Master should be advising you on losing weight. He should take you as you are, and not try to force you to lose weight. I'm not privy to the information that you obviously have (as does he), so my judgments might be biased unnecessarily. Perhaps I'm too sensitive about the weight issue.
SierraMoon
Being me
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great thread, cyn
ok, i have dealt with "big" issues since my hormones kicked in... i am a BIG girl... 6', and ___ lbs... lol..... let's just say i need to lose about 100 pounds to be where society says i should be weight wise.... i have talked online and met a couple of Doms and not one of them made me feel that my size was an issue. I have yet to experience BDSM r/l, so i don't know if my weight would impede anything in that respect.... i have been with short menand tall men (in my vanilla world), and they never had a problem with my size, so i don't feel that any Dom should feel any differently. To me, submissiveness seems to come from inside a person, their heart, soul, and mind... not their body. Just my opinion. hugs to all, and especially you cyn.... just be yourself, and be happy and content with who you are!!!!! sierra
ok, i have dealt with "big" issues since my hormones kicked in... i am a BIG girl... 6', and ___ lbs... lol..... let's just say i need to lose about 100 pounds to be where society says i should be weight wise.... i have talked online and met a couple of Doms and not one of them made me feel that my size was an issue. I have yet to experience BDSM r/l, so i don't know if my weight would impede anything in that respect.... i have been with short menand tall men (in my vanilla world), and they never had a problem with my size, so i don't feel that any Dom should feel any differently. To me, submissiveness seems to come from inside a person, their heart, soul, and mind... not their body. Just my opinion. hugs to all, and especially you cyn.... just be yourself, and be happy and content with who you are!!!!! sierra
