checklist question

Dom/mes and submissives

Have you ever had a checklist presented to you that was filled out not in honesty but by what the partner to be thought you wanted to hear?

Of course. The world is full of assholes and liars. And when you are dom-shopping, you come across those who make the legit ones so much sweeter.

As far as the parts to my list that seem to be ignored the most often are:

Being single
Intelligence
Employment
Hygiene

If you are talking about kinks...one guy who I had interracted wtih a great deal and seemed like the ideal candidate online brought up nonconsensual torture issues. Things that he said he did not approve of, of course. My thought was that he was feeling me out to see if I would bite or else why would he have brought up such grissly detailed depictions that "a friend" loves to participate in.
I had several tequila shots the evening with him. I had to just to keep myself civil.

I have had people tailor thier preferances to mine in small ways, Shadowsdream, but there hasn't been any huge lying that i'm aware of.

In fact, i have tailored my responses to individuals, too.

I don't normally get the the checklist stage of things with anyone until after we've done a good bit of talking, until after i have some idea what their needs and desires and "no" spots are anyway.

No one meets our initial kinks in a way that's a 100% match. If i'm interested in pursuing anything with them, i downplay some of what i've enjoyed in the past and highlight other things in an endeavor to find how much we might have in common. In all relationships, and not only BDSM relationships, as the partners become more and more enmeshed, thier dissimilarities drop away and that which they enjoy together become formost.

For instance, before my last important relationship, piercing (play or permanent) was about a "1" on my list. When i met the one who was to become so important to me, he told me outright it was a fetish for him to do that to his sub. I told him outright that i didn't want it. He said we would not do it - for now. Within 6 months, though, i was not only an eager participant, i was eroticizing the experience in a way i wouldn't have dreamed was possible.

Will i do it again, that kind of heavy and repeated piercing, with others?

I don't know.

When i fill out checklists now, i put it as a "3".

It was a "5" with him.
It was a "1" before him.
It takes immense trust and an almost undefinable level of submission to lie there and want to be pierced in that way. It takes a very special Dominant to want and need do that, too. So will it happen again for me with someone else? I don't know. Meanwhile, is my "3" appropriate? Am i being honest?

These checklists - i think of them more as "where i've been in my BDSM life" rather then "where i am right now and what i want you to do to me".

Do i lie?
No.
I do not.
I would not.

But i'll never do everything on the checklist with one person, either. There's too much. I've done too much with too many disparate Dominants through the years.

As a submissive, we naturally bend and flow toward that which most interests our Dom/me. Because i did piercing with one and lots of enema/doctor play with another and a bit of group sex with a third, that doesn't mean i WANT to do ALL that stuff with my next Dominant. It just means i've done it in the past and (maybe) liked it with whomever i did it with then.

Ther checklists are our BDSM sexual history, i think, and as such, as valuable tools for the discussion of kinks and needs.

Geezus gods, i hope no one reading the checklist i've got posted at, say, bondage.com thinks i want to do ALL OF THAT with them. (If that were true, however, it might explain the singular lack of contact i've been experiencing. Hmmmm.)

Maybe i should go change it.
Maybe i should lie...
No.
That's never good.

The checklists are our history. Why would we lie about where we've ben and what we've done?

We smear the edges a little, perhaps, to better suit whomever we're interested in. But we don't often outright lie. Why would we? Lying gets none of us anywhere in this game of trust and openness. We all know that, don't we?

Wonderful replies.

I hope that check lists never become the paper trail of lies. When I ask a submissive to fill one out I truly want to know their experiences...what they think they may or may not enjoy.

To try to second guess Me is impossible..as cym says each personality will bend in their own special ways to curve to each other if a magic of trust is built between them.

Checklists are the history that changes with growth...the beauty is watching them change together. No Dominant wants a carbon copy of another submissive. Just as We are sought for Our own unique differences...so do we seek the submissive for her or his own unique qualities.

Nope.

I have a involved interview process that weeds out the wannabe mind readers.

Ebony