Punishment long distance
- Thread starter Richard49
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WickedEve
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There are ways to punish a person in l/d relationships and r/l ones that do not require any physical punishment. One way is to have the one you love make it clear that he/she is disappointed in you.
At least, that's punishment for me.
At least, that's punishment for me.
Shadowsdream
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Tone of voice can be enough of a punishment to keep the submissives mind focused on what they did to cause the disappointment.
The tone can show boredom..to feel that someone is becoming bored with an attitude can be horrendous to bear. (bare?)
The tone can show any emotion You wish to convey, just as it is used in R/L.
Sometimes the tone of voice is more devastating than cutting off communication..and therefore can have a bigger impact on moving forward.
I have never been a believer in the fantasy whippings L/D.
The tone can show boredom..to feel that someone is becoming bored with an attitude can be horrendous to bear. (bare?)
The tone can show any emotion You wish to convey, just as it is used in R/L.
Sometimes the tone of voice is more devastating than cutting off communication..and therefore can have a bigger impact on moving forward.
I have never been a believer in the fantasy whippings L/D.
Ebonyfire
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punishment
Good thread Richard! I have posted on this before on other lists.
I do not use punishment. I correct incorrect behavior, and I avoid subs who want to "test me". In short, I dismiss the smartasses.
How do I correct incorrect behaviour? By re-modelling the correct behaviour.
Now, since I am entering a 24/7 relationship that is apt to last the rest of both our lives, I have a different attitude. My slave/partner knows what he can and cannot do. He also knows that he will not be dismissed. He wants to please Me, so he is stays within his boundaries. he also knows that I have a long memory, and I will be in a position to "make his life a living hell".
So now, I keep a list, and when we finally get together <in 23 days>, I will remind him of his foibles, using a manner that amuses Me. I am not a sadist, so corporal punishment is low on my list of disciplinary tactics.
Ebony <whose tavish is a very good boy>
Good thread Richard! I have posted on this before on other lists.
I do not use punishment. I correct incorrect behavior, and I avoid subs who want to "test me". In short, I dismiss the smartasses.
How do I correct incorrect behaviour? By re-modelling the correct behaviour.
Now, since I am entering a 24/7 relationship that is apt to last the rest of both our lives, I have a different attitude. My slave/partner knows what he can and cannot do. He also knows that he will not be dismissed. He wants to please Me, so he is stays within his boundaries. he also knows that I have a long memory, and I will be in a position to "make his life a living hell".
So now, I keep a list, and when we finally get together <in 23 days>, I will remind him of his foibles, using a manner that amuses Me. I am not a sadist, so corporal punishment is low on my list of disciplinary tactics.
Ebony <whose tavish is a very good boy>
willfulbrat
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Richard49, cutting off communication for a time is effective, but extremely harsh punishment which i feel should only be used for the most serious of offenses.
Writing essays is an effective form of discipline which can be a healthy thing for the submissive, as well. For example, if your submissive has a bad habit of cutting herself down, an essay about how damaging negative thought is, and how it insults you, her Master, might be in order. Would you choose an unattractive or stupid submissive? Of course not!
Writing essays is an effective form of discipline which can be a healthy thing for the submissive, as well. For example, if your submissive has a bad habit of cutting herself down, an essay about how damaging negative thought is, and how it insults you, her Master, might be in order. Would you choose an unattractive or stupid submissive? Of course not!
Ebonyfire
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Cutting off communication
I happen to believe that cutting off communication is a viable option. It really depends on the nature of the relationship. If one of my subs violates his agreement with Me, I would cut off communication if I feel it is necessary. I also might dismiss him permanently.
This is not a one size fits all proposition. I do not play games with my subs. They do what they have agreed to do, or they can go away and play with someone else.
You may feel differently. it is your option to do so, but there are some of us who do not. As for it being a mistake, perhaps for you it is, but for me it is what I choose to do.
To each his/her own.
Ebony
I happen to believe that cutting off communication is a viable option. It really depends on the nature of the relationship. If one of my subs violates his agreement with Me, I would cut off communication if I feel it is necessary. I also might dismiss him permanently.
This is not a one size fits all proposition. I do not play games with my subs. They do what they have agreed to do, or they can go away and play with someone else.
You may feel differently. it is your option to do so, but there are some of us who do not. As for it being a mistake, perhaps for you it is, but for me it is what I choose to do.
To each his/her own.
Ebony
Shadowsdream
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Ebonyfire
You are absolutely right..there are as many right ways as wrong ways of looking at the *cutting off of communication* as there are styles of Domination and submission.
You and I have more in common than not. I am also a Domme that will not waste My time with games. When the silent treatment will be beneficial it is used. When I know I am only delaying the end of a * going no where relationship* I move on as quickly as a cat on a hot tin roof.
Each circumstance will have its own merit as You have pointed out.
You are absolutely right..there are as many right ways as wrong ways of looking at the *cutting off of communication* as there are styles of Domination and submission.
You and I have more in common than not. I am also a Domme that will not waste My time with games. When the silent treatment will be beneficial it is used. When I know I am only delaying the end of a * going no where relationship* I move on as quickly as a cat on a hot tin roof.
Each circumstance will have its own merit as You have pointed out.
SierraMoon
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i'm bumping this thread, in the hopes of getting more ideas of how the LDR's handle punishments... i am in a LDR, and am looking for some ideas of different kinds of punishments that my Sir can use.
Thank you in advance for any replies!
Thank you in advance for any replies!
Pure
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I don't see what the problem is. So long as it's something the one being punished can do to him- or herself.
If you mean unpleasant things with no erotic element, lots of ways of inflicting discomfort or pain will work. An example from Lark S is washing the mouth out with soap. Sniffing a tiny pinch of pepper would work.
If there is an erotic element, then retention of hot soapy water, say a cup or two, per anum, for 15 mins.
Passing a needle through a nipple is another, or rubbing a bit of coarse cayenne pepper into it for a couple mins (enough to cause slight abrasion).
A nipple may be struck X many times with a wooden spoon.
Now you might ask, how does a dom/me know what's been carried out? That's another issue, verification: but obvious things are, with the needle example, making a photograph. One might also involve a witness. Possibly involving the phone and a live witness.
It's obviously hard to do certain things to oneself, like whip ones own back (maybe not impossible), suspend oneself in certain ways, etc. But many means of punishment don't involve physical impossibilities
If you mean unpleasant things with no erotic element, lots of ways of inflicting discomfort or pain will work. An example from Lark S is washing the mouth out with soap. Sniffing a tiny pinch of pepper would work.
If there is an erotic element, then retention of hot soapy water, say a cup or two, per anum, for 15 mins.
Passing a needle through a nipple is another, or rubbing a bit of coarse cayenne pepper into it for a couple mins (enough to cause slight abrasion).
A nipple may be struck X many times with a wooden spoon.
Now you might ask, how does a dom/me know what's been carried out? That's another issue, verification: but obvious things are, with the needle example, making a photograph. One might also involve a witness. Possibly involving the phone and a live witness.
It's obviously hard to do certain things to oneself, like whip ones own back (maybe not impossible), suspend oneself in certain ways, etc. But many means of punishment don't involve physical impossibilities
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Sheaf_Beast
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Punish long distance..
Hire a rent a dom, like the flower delivery.(FTD) Doms that make out calls in the town of your sub.
Get a copy od DDI or a local list of (your choice) dom that will make a house call at a set time and you set up a web cam confrence, you can direct from your chair.
Richard49 said:bumb
Hire a rent a dom, like the flower delivery.(FTD) Doms that make out calls in the town of your sub.
Get a copy od DDI or a local list of (your choice) dom that will make a house call at a set time and you set up a web cam confrence, you can direct from your chair.
RJMasters
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It is my experience that the closeness of two people is in direct porportion as to how effective punishment can be over LDR.
One can use "tasks" as a means of discipline or light form of punishment, however stronger forms of punishment are not practical. I am not a fan of breaking communication.
This leaves me with interesting dilema. I have come to learn that LDR must grow in order for the exchange to deepen, but not just the exchange, but all things including the punishment.
It would be a great fantasy to believe that in a short period of time we command and touch the deepest levels of anyone's heart or mind. As respect and trust deepens, so does the feeling of loss with disappointment in one you respect.
When you have this level of respect in the mind or heart of the LDR submissive, it should only take the tone of disapproval to make them feel ashamed of any disobedience and failure on their part. Many online do not realise the time it takes to build such a relationship to this point.
Do not be unrealistic with the limitations of the relationship. Do not try to use punishments which are not truly enforcable.
Some simple forms of punishment I have used:
1. Use a bold black marker and write on back of hand in all caps "BAD". Explain every time she looks at it, it is a reminder of how little she thought of you by behaving bad.
2. Make her wear clothing. (if it is the habit that she be naked while online with you...make her go put some clothes on as you do not wish to speak to her while she is naked.) This is a clear form of rejection.
3. I have used soap in the mouth.
4. Make them stand in front of a mirror holding a sign that fits the situation. Make them look at the sign then look into their own eyes(repeat X number of time or for x timelength).
5. Make them wear their watch on other wrist
6. For large offense cut a chunk of hair.
7. Their bed is yours and they are no longer allowed to sleep in it...they can sleep on the floor until they are back in your good graces....blankets and pillows are optional.
Edited to add this as well as I forgot it... 8. Not allowing them to refer to you as Sir or Master not even as Dom. Make them call you a demeaning name like "smuck" or as "The-one-who-doesn't-matter". If there is any depthness to the relationship at all and if they truly are submissive in their heart to you, this will be like vomitting nails. Make them earn the right to respect you again with a proper address.
None of the above means diddly squat unless they really care that they have failed/disappointed you. If they don't care, then no amount of punishment is going to work anyways and why would you even want to bother?
It is my experience that the closeness of two people is in direct porportion as to how effective punishment can be over LDR. If you can by a typed word give approval, touch their heart and mind, if they have experienced bliss from being with you online, then you can and should be able to with a word or a typed look or typed touch bring punishment.
One can use "tasks" as a means of discipline or light form of punishment, however stronger forms of punishment are not practical. I am not a fan of breaking communication.
This leaves me with interesting dilema. I have come to learn that LDR must grow in order for the exchange to deepen, but not just the exchange, but all things including the punishment.
It would be a great fantasy to believe that in a short period of time we command and touch the deepest levels of anyone's heart or mind. As respect and trust deepens, so does the feeling of loss with disappointment in one you respect.
When you have this level of respect in the mind or heart of the LDR submissive, it should only take the tone of disapproval to make them feel ashamed of any disobedience and failure on their part. Many online do not realise the time it takes to build such a relationship to this point.
Do not be unrealistic with the limitations of the relationship. Do not try to use punishments which are not truly enforcable.
Some simple forms of punishment I have used:
1. Use a bold black marker and write on back of hand in all caps "BAD". Explain every time she looks at it, it is a reminder of how little she thought of you by behaving bad.
2. Make her wear clothing. (if it is the habit that she be naked while online with you...make her go put some clothes on as you do not wish to speak to her while she is naked.) This is a clear form of rejection.
3. I have used soap in the mouth.
4. Make them stand in front of a mirror holding a sign that fits the situation. Make them look at the sign then look into their own eyes(repeat X number of time or for x timelength).
5. Make them wear their watch on other wrist
6. For large offense cut a chunk of hair.
7. Their bed is yours and they are no longer allowed to sleep in it...they can sleep on the floor until they are back in your good graces....blankets and pillows are optional.
Edited to add this as well as I forgot it... 8. Not allowing them to refer to you as Sir or Master not even as Dom. Make them call you a demeaning name like "smuck" or as "The-one-who-doesn't-matter". If there is any depthness to the relationship at all and if they truly are submissive in their heart to you, this will be like vomitting nails. Make them earn the right to respect you again with a proper address.
None of the above means diddly squat unless they really care that they have failed/disappointed you. If they don't care, then no amount of punishment is going to work anyways and why would you even want to bother?
It is my experience that the closeness of two people is in direct porportion as to how effective punishment can be over LDR. If you can by a typed word give approval, touch their heart and mind, if they have experienced bliss from being with you online, then you can and should be able to with a word or a typed look or typed touch bring punishment.
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incubus'_sub
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You know, every time I read stuff like this my mind boggles. I just cannot imagine, for the life of me, how anyone can seriously wash their mouth out with soap on the say so of someunknown from somewhere, let alone whipping themselves.
Repeat after me - you do not know this person, you only know what they want you to know. You are not close, you do not have a relationship. You have a shared fantasy which can be fun & interesting but no, it's not deep & meaningful at this level, just an outlet.
Repeat after me - you do not know this person, you only know what they want you to know. You are not close, you do not have a relationship. You have a shared fantasy which can be fun & interesting but no, it's not deep & meaningful at this level, just an outlet.
Chicklet
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incubus'_sub said:
I disagree. Although it may not be my thing, and obviously isn't yours, these relationships will vary from person to person. Who are you or I to point at them and say "That isn't a relationship." Everybody's different. Including the ways they connect emotionally with people.
shy slave
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RJMasters said:
Have to agree with incubus sub on this one.
I am in an LDR, if he suggested any of these as punishment for a wrong doing, bluntly I would lie.
Would I feel guilty, no not at all.
I have no idea what you can do in an LDR/online only that would constitute any of these punishments being necessary.
If he thinks I need punished he had better get over to the UK to administer it.
As a further note: I have needed to be punished, once. He came over and punished me. It hurt and I won't repeat my error.
But if he is never going to meet me, I would lie, lie and lie a bit more.
How would he know, and why would I care?
Rrrosyn
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Interesting bump.
I think there are some very valid points. I do think it is a relationship. I also can assume the person the other end can be lying. If I assume such, that is when it is no longer a relationship. Not a good one anyway. A relationship can only be as real as the illusion of trust. Online, RL, whatever... trust is either there or it isn't.
Tasks and such are best IMO. Essays. Kneeling with mouth on a doorknob or on rice, whatever can be done by the offender alone. I loved RJ's list! Especially the watch (might do that IRL) and the bed.
Just accept the fact that the pyl can be lying (or on webcam) or forget about it. It's like practicing OD LD. No real way to be sure. Not really. So you either accept on "trust" or you distrust and don't care.
EDIT: (Previously mis-quoted RJ's list as shy slave's. Oooops.)
I think there are some very valid points. I do think it is a relationship. I also can assume the person the other end can be lying. If I assume such, that is when it is no longer a relationship. Not a good one anyway. A relationship can only be as real as the illusion of trust. Online, RL, whatever... trust is either there or it isn't.
Tasks and such are best IMO. Essays. Kneeling with mouth on a doorknob or on rice, whatever can be done by the offender alone. I loved RJ's list! Especially the watch (might do that IRL) and the bed.
Just accept the fact that the pyl can be lying (or on webcam) or forget about it. It's like practicing OD LD. No real way to be sure. Not really. So you either accept on "trust" or you distrust and don't care.
EDIT: (Previously mis-quoted RJ's list as shy slave's. Oooops.)
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shy slave
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Ummm actually its RJs list.
Just re-read my post, I hope no-one thinks I would lie to Andante, it would not happen.
But in an online only relationship its just too easy to say you have done something when you have not, especially if its not possible to check, for example by web cam.
I am open about the fact I will look for ways to get out of things, but the one time he had to punish me I took it without comment, and yes, I deserved it.
I am also open enough to say, I will test a Dom, they have to prove they can control me.
Not saying thats an admirable trait but it is a part of me.
Luckily Andante can put up with my comments and he can, by just a look or a word, silence me.
Rrosyn I like your comment about the 'illusion of trust' If a PYL does not test the level of trust and likewise the pyl also tests then it can only be an illusion.
I had an online Dom for a brief moment, I was bored and he was untrusting. He did not believe I was female but would not pick up the phone and ring me to find out. Had he punished me online, I would without a doubt, lied to him about having done as he asked.
Like a vanilla relationship trust has to be earnt.
Andante and I have earnt each others trust in many ways
Just re-read my post, I hope no-one thinks I would lie to Andante, it would not happen.
But in an online only relationship its just too easy to say you have done something when you have not, especially if its not possible to check, for example by web cam.
I am open about the fact I will look for ways to get out of things, but the one time he had to punish me I took it without comment, and yes, I deserved it.
I am also open enough to say, I will test a Dom, they have to prove they can control me.
Not saying thats an admirable trait but it is a part of me.
Luckily Andante can put up with my comments and he can, by just a look or a word, silence me.
Rrosyn I like your comment about the 'illusion of trust' If a PYL does not test the level of trust and likewise the pyl also tests then it can only be an illusion.
I had an online Dom for a brief moment, I was bored and he was untrusting. He did not believe I was female but would not pick up the phone and ring me to find out. Had he punished me online, I would without a doubt, lied to him about having done as he asked.
Like a vanilla relationship trust has to be earnt.
Andante and I have earnt each others trust in many ways
His_pita
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I have been in a long distance relationship for 7 months and I haven't been punished. What are all these subs doing to get into so much trouble is what I'm wondering?
I have since the beginning wanted nothing more then to please my Sir and get the "Good girl" said to me. Of course we take our relationship very serious and it's not a game at all to us. So, we don't do very much D/s online because we are moving to real life.
I do know that if I was going to be punished I would take anything but him cutting off communication. He went out of town recently for four days and we only had a few emails between us during that time. I hated it every second that he was gone. It was like I was lost or a piece of me was missing. To have him purposely stopped talking to me because I had been bad would be pure torture.
I'm sure once we're living together there will be times I will need punishment. But, for me seeing the disappointment on his face and knowing I did wrong will be the worst part of any punishment he will give me.
I have since the beginning wanted nothing more then to please my Sir and get the "Good girl" said to me. Of course we take our relationship very serious and it's not a game at all to us. So, we don't do very much D/s online because we are moving to real life.
I do know that if I was going to be punished I would take anything but him cutting off communication. He went out of town recently for four days and we only had a few emails between us during that time. I hated it every second that he was gone. It was like I was lost or a piece of me was missing. To have him purposely stopped talking to me because I had been bad would be pure torture.
I'm sure once we're living together there will be times I will need punishment. But, for me seeing the disappointment on his face and knowing I did wrong will be the worst part of any punishment he will give me.
incubus'_sub
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Yeh, thank you Shy, for your honesty.
I know that many people get wrapped up in their online lives, but it does worry me when they believe they have to take it to such extremes and it does seem to be at the expense of their real lives, friends & partners.
I enjoy RJ's writings and respect his thoughts, but his true close relationship is with his wife, not the online subs he communicates with. I suspect that this is true of many people who indulge their fantasies online. Yet somewhere there is a sub (or multiple subs) who apparently believe that their relationship with him is so real & unique that they are prepared to do stuff like this to themselves because he says to.
I'm being honest too and not saying what I think about this would put me in the crowd at the Emperor's Parade. I agree that everybody's different & has different views, but if they have the right to point at themselves & say "this is a real relationship" then I reserve the right to say "dream on, sucker".
I know that many people get wrapped up in their online lives, but it does worry me when they believe they have to take it to such extremes and it does seem to be at the expense of their real lives, friends & partners.
I enjoy RJ's writings and respect his thoughts, but his true close relationship is with his wife, not the online subs he communicates with. I suspect that this is true of many people who indulge their fantasies online. Yet somewhere there is a sub (or multiple subs) who apparently believe that their relationship with him is so real & unique that they are prepared to do stuff like this to themselves because he says to.
I'm being honest too and not saying what I think about this would put me in the crowd at the Emperor's Parade. I agree that everybody's different & has different views, but if they have the right to point at themselves & say "this is a real relationship" then I reserve the right to say "dream on, sucker".
