Punishment

its me again throwing a question at you begging for more advice.and just being plain nosey.


What do you consider Punishment? what types of punishment do you use or have you recieved? how do you know you aren't taking a punshment to far? what are some reason that may caus eyou to give or recieve a punishment? hwo do you determine what punishment fits the offece?


I would like ot hear from bot DOm/me and Sub/slaves so if you don't mind any and all input would be gretaly appreciated.

Thank you kira

there is a thin line between whats good bdsm fun "punishment" and actual punshment (which can also be fun even though your not supposed to enjoy it). i think this is why safe words are such a good idea, if you are exploring into a new area and arent sure of your boundaries yet. the degree of punishment must fit the offense, nothing to dramatic for minor infractions. i think the best punishment is to make your partner go without whatever they enjoy most for a period determined by the severity of the offense.

Thank you Titania1616.

I think that taking away something one enjoys is a good choice of punishment but also one I struggle with. I think mostly because when this form of punishment is used with us it usually means I get my computer and internet taken away. that may not sound so bad but for me its one I struggle with.


Thanks, kira

yep, i know what you mean! i was without my comp for 3 weeks... i thought i was going insane! i'm so glad to be back!
(i love you computer )

never punish in anger..wait for the fire to cool.

There is a real danger of physical or emotional damage when the Dom/me lashes out in a moment of anger. It is one of the occassions when control can be on the edge of gone. I hope that makes sense. Haven't finished the first morning coffee yet!

Wait for the fire to cool enough to be able to act reasonably...whether that takes an hour or a week. Harsh words that can never be taken back will sit in the back of the mind of the sub for a very long time. When I know I am enraged I go silent. A form of punishment in itself but also a place of safety for My center of self control.

Not quite what was asked but still a punishment issue. I have answered the above in a different thread perhaps.

I think an issure I have with punishments are that when I know I have done something that has displeased him in someway and Iknow punishment of some type or form is coming I want it right then, not that I am looking forward to it but that I want it over and odne with right then I don't wanthim to make me wait for it........the longer I have to wait for him to tell me what he is thinking or what is coming the worse things get for me and the bigger a hole I dig for myself,but after reading what shadow said about occassions when control can be on the edge of gone. I can see why he waits now, maybe its not for me, or to proling it for me but that maybe he is doing to protect me in away so that he can calm and think things through himself.

you're probably right. but still, its hell waiting isnt it?

the worst kinda hell there is waiting, and waiting and letting your mind play tricks on you and making things worse than they really are. pure torture.

Punishment in fun and real punishment are both very differnent, as a few people here have already mentioned. I think we all have a pretty good idea how fun punishment goes.

As for discipline punishment, with my former submissive, the worst form of punishment I could give her was to let her know how disappointed I was in her. I think that this, above most others, when in a serious relationship, is perhaps the strictest punishment that could be dealt out.

For less serious infractions, there were a variety of ways that I would handle it. I never spanked or flogged her, because she was a masochist, so it couldn't really be called "punishment" (that's what fun punishment is for.) She disliked being tickled, so that was one of my favs, along with the use of ice, which she didn't like as well. (But both were fully agreed to as acceptable punishments and within her limits.)

So that's my take on it, and my opinion, others might disagree. : )

We don't do punishment... mainly because anything physical would be way too much fun for me... being the masochist that I am... and the other reason it that if I am acting out there is a reason and Himself wants to know why.

He knows the worst thing that could happen is that he not have contact with me... nothing makes me crazier faster than that. He views that as cruel and so he doesn't do that either.

He just talks to me, finds out what is going on, and we work on that.

I, ahem, had a little incident happen the other day i can report on...

I'm a way way way out there masochist, as many here already know, so to punish me in a physical way would do more damage to me than any dominant would care to do. One doesn't break one's toys, right?

But i push stuff. A little. On occasion. Always have. Always will, probably.


Anyway, i'd asked him to shave me. I do it for him on a regular basis and i wanted it, too. It's been many years since anyone did it for me and i, well, i just wanted it. He said he would. But he didn't.

A week passed.
I asked again.
He said yes, today we would - but we got sidetracked, a thing of my doing.

Then yesterday, the day before he was going to leave on a vacation for a while - and after a couple very rough days for all three of us (me, him, and his life partner) from an emotional perspective - he and i spent the day together tucked into my house, mostly on or near or someplace close to my bed.

Toward the very end of the hours and hours we had to spend together that day, when there was really no time left, we were kinda wrestling around a bit. Suddenly, from nowhere, i felt that awful rush of kinda sorta like resentment and i blurted out something - and i really don't remember the words, only the feelings they engendered in us both - about how he never shaved me as he'd promised to do.

In truth, he'd been going there but i'd gotten us sidetracked. However, later, i used the fact that he hadn't actually done the shaving in some kinda really horrible emotional blackmail way.

We were both shocked.

I mumbled an apology.

He told me to roll over (i was on my back). There was no love or fondness or care, really, in his voice. No anger. Just hardness. Sterness. And not put on, either. It wasn't play and we both knew it.

I hesitated, out of my depth, and he told me to turn over again, more steel behind the words.

I did.
How could i not?

He slapped my ass with his huge hard hand, spanked me, about ten times or so. Hard. It wasn't for pleasure. It wasn't about sharing. It wasn't for us to become more firmly joined. It wasn't a bridge between us. It was meant to be shocking. It was meant to slap at my soul. It was punishment.

And it was effective.

He rolled me back over and looked into my eyes. "Don't do that," he told me, "Don't play those kinds of games. Ask for what you want. I'll grant it or not. If you delay me giving it to you, don't blame me for the delay."

I nodded, feeling the severity of the admonishment in every single syllable and way down deep into my heart.

And then he gathered me to him and kissed me and it was over.

I've taken a lot more "pain" then those ten or so slaps on my ass with his bare hand - but i've never had him touch me with the intent to correct a wayward impulse like that before.

I didn't like the way my blurt made us both feel.
I'm ashamed that it made him feel he needed to do that to me.
I won't be doing the emotional blackmail thing on him again anytime soon. He, apparently, doesn't want to play that game - and he doesn't want me to play it, either.

Lesson learned.

Cym, thank you so much for sharing your experience with us.