WickedEve
save an apple, eat eve
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2001
- Posts
- 11,470
I'm married, and I have a long distance relationship with my Master. In my r/l relationship there is some domestic violence. Lately, I've been bothered by my needs for certain things. I like to be spanked, for instance. But now when I discuss this with my Master (he knows about my abuse) I wonder what he thinks. Once, he asked if I subconsciously pushed my husband into hitting me, because of my desires. I know that I don't. When my husband hits me, to put it simply, I feel ugly and stupid and unloved. My need to be "hit" in a BDSM relationship leaves me with very different feelings.
But I still feel strange when I talk with big M-- especially lately, because I've told him about several instances of abuse in the past couple of months. So now when I talk about my needs, I feel odd discussing a whipping after I've just recently told him that I was slapped in the face.
And this year, a few times, I have asked my husband to spank me during sex. I'm sure that's a very weird thing for me to do under the circumstances.
Does anyone understand this? Can anyone relate?
But I still feel strange when I talk with big M-- especially lately, because I've told him about several instances of abuse in the past couple of months. So now when I talk about my needs, I feel odd discussing a whipping after I've just recently told him that I was slapped in the face.
And this year, a few times, I have asked my husband to spank me during sex. I'm sure that's a very weird thing for me to do under the circumstances.
Does anyone understand this? Can anyone relate?