All Comments on 'A Playday Snooze'

A pleasure to read. S.O.

is that it is solely descriptive, and descriptive in a "telling" way. A poem needs to be built around images--evocative descriptions that the reader can identify with and which helps the reader experience (visually, aurally, texturally) the experience the narrator narrates.

Tell Poet Guy about the narrator's physical experience during this encounter. Tell us your sensations while you watch him sleep, how you feel about his leaving (viscerally, not some kind of "I'm sad" thing). Tell us about the sensory things you feel.

That makes poetry.

so there!