Dry your eyes little one what you did matters little in the grand scheme of things. I know it feels big like an elephant's tusks or seven curious deer but this too shall pass. Your prayers have been heard and are on file for processing. I know the death was unexpected now you are in the stages of grief the tears will stop once love becomes hate and your heart hardens and withers to the size of a corn kernel. Maize. Until then, best to keep far away from errant flames. There is no more warmth for you. Nothing to cook with. Everything is tepid for you. You will begin to trust the luke-warm. If you can make it through, if you can make it through. You've been driving in circles since the day you were born time to slow the pace, time to explore something outside yourself. Your mother had many hobbies until she found her true calling in hard labor. Your father had drink, guns and a badge but no connections. You thought it would be easy this living thing when you touched and felt you should have known the low would match the high. No one cares about your cards, colors, numbers, or feathers. No one. It is just a game girl and when you see that you will be who you were meant to be. Look, advice is free and you get what you pay for but it breaks my heart to see you like this. The cement side of the levee echoes voices ships that you can see but can they see you and are they even looking out? A hiding place for lovers, the lonely and broken. Graffiti and dangerous empty coke bottles but the rush of the river the smell of grass from the other side cars whir by oblivious of the side they cannot see. Was this your first time?