by doingmybest
ouch, raw. Hard to say "I like it" to poems this painful. One thing, upon reading this and your last poem, I noticed the use of rhyme is more natural and unobtrusive, but there were a few in here that made me cringe, thinking, "you do not need this" In a poem hard hitting like thins one, rhyme that is "forced" sticks out, and if it does, I suggest cut it off. Just my opinion of course.