by minsue
who could be in her band of demons. TK U MLJ LV NV
This poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 35,000 poems.
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An Alzheimer's hell
Is not as bad for those with the disease
{they don't remember what they've lost};
The true hell's for those who remember
What the victims used to be.
Sharp images with your words here,Min...life's little cruel jokes, huh?
~Honey
This is amazing. Sad, resigned, a bleak reality poignantly expressed so clearly. Wow. Thank you, LJ.
i thought i commented on this too..ages ago.
well..better late then never.
sorry hun, i try to hit the poems that come in everyday..if i miss them..i miss everyones.
last time i was here..there was only a couple posted.
at any rate..lovely stuff min!
Another great work from minsue. Very touching for those who have seen the mind of someone they cared for fade away. Well done.
...is your tenth vote, Min, because this poem deserves it. I thought I voted on it already, but I never vote without leaving a comment. Perhaps, I just saw it on the 'passion thread.' It's beautiful, and I also think that Eve's suggestions are quite valid. :kiss:
is very moving.
I like to make a suggestion, if you don't mind. I think it may help to remove a few words.
In stanza one, I'd drop "slowly" since shuffling already implies slow movement.
And in stanza two, perhaps there are too many descriptive words for hands: gnarled, stiff, fragile, thin. I really think it would be an improvement to drop one of them. For example:
Stiff hands,
fragile and thin.
In the third stanza, I'd use either "finally" or "haltingly". Both seem to be a bit much.
As I said, suggestions only--very minor ones.
You've presented this person's descent into the hell of--I assume--Alzheimer's or the like so subtly. There's something in the spare but precise imagery that lends it such delicate insight. It's really well done, girlfriend. :)
and sad.
you wonder what goes on inside their heads....
I very moving poem min
Thank you
Too little importance is placed on memories, by some. I hope her sweet music lives on in your head. This painful look into a the reality you're facing moved me. Those random notes might not have been organized or recognizable but it's still her music. Though sad, I found it a touching tribute. *hugs* for your Bobbie and you.
~lucky