All Comments on 'Carolina'

the visual is compelling and as a reader who's known the feeling, I could relate to that warm slowness taking over your body, causing your middle to seep (Damn, everything I think of turns to SEX!).

and I sense you are exploring some different things with it. I gave it a four because I think you don't need that second line. It's never, imo, good to say you have a feeling and then say what the feeling is in a poem. And it's more of a problem in a short poem because it stands out. Still I think you're on a good track with what you're trying to do. :-)

There were two ways I wanted to go with this poem.

This is the original version:

The first time he heard her voice

A thought came to him

Something like warm molasses

Being poured over skin

Any better?

I like it better just as is!

Thank you very much. :)

why do I think of flies?

A feeding came over him

Sorry. Law of Unintentional Consequences.

is not bad

100

and miss it

Hmmm.....I'm not sure if having warm molasses poured over my skin would be a good or a bad feeling. So that is something to think about! And then when I decide that I can think about what kind of feminine voice would inspire that kind of feeling. Soft and sexy? Rough and sticky? Lots to think and feel here, and that's what a good poem should do.

...and thank you;-)

And soular, you're welcome. :)

Very Sweet poem ! ♥

soothing the goose bumps, TK U MLJ LV NV

There are sensations like that... Nice work if you can get it!

Thank you.