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Click hereDeceptive magician
Sawing my heart in half
Promising me it won’t hurt
Leaving me with only smoke & mirrors.
Juggling my heart, my body, my sanity
Tender talent leaving me breathless
Foolishly I believed
You would never let me shatter.
Escape artist extrordinairre
How was it you were able
To escape the ties of love
Leaving me behind
Bound to your memory.
*Hey! Thank you to everyone who gave feedback on the original poem, it was really appreciated. As you may or may not notice, the ending is completely different (whether it is better or not I don't know). Please keep commenting & voting) Thanx!
Love's magician will saw your soul's heart in half ~ only this is a cut that hurts!
*Tender talent leaving me breathless* ~ I just love this line. So much imagery, and emotion. This poem packs a punch, feeling it throughtout the whole body. Saddness, and yet love. Wonderful..More Please~!!!!!!
But I love this!!
I think you've done a brilliant job creating the illusion.
I'll have to keep an eye out for more of your stuff!! ;-)
Thank you to everyone who commented on the original version of the poem. Although it's taken me awhile, I've finally edited it enough that I felt it was time to resubmit it. PLEASE comment (positive or negative comments)! I appreciate all comments, and as I hope you may notice, I do listen to them, see *points at edited poem*!
I liked it, though it's not as strong as some of your other offerings.
Start again, saving only the second stanza.
The rest is very common and greatly overused.
The last line was a song.
...strong. Here is yet another growing voice demanding everyone's attention, a poet whose work needs to be read by all.
The second stanza is my favorite. Wonderful image. In my opinion, knock out the 'the' in the first line. It will unify the whole piece.