by My Erotic Trail
I never go searching for enlightenment without my cheap sunglasses, its just not done. Very good Art.
your ZEN writes, tis my fav lines.
"as laid back as
a long blade of grass".
Good to see your words again, have missed
you and your Erotic Tail, oops, I meant Trail,<grins>.
sGp
Where you been hiding Art? Fine little piece; just a couple tiny little tweaks I'd suggest for your consideration.<br>
<br>
Drop the hyphen/dash in the first stanza and set the third line on its own, like so:<br>
<br>
<i>the journey of a thousand miles<br>
begins with a single step<br>
<br>
and car keys</i><br>
<br>
Also, drop that hyphen/dash after morning in the second stanza; it works just fine without it.<br>
<br>
Finally, I think you might do better to drop "is" from the final line of the third stanza so it reads:<br>
<br>
<i>enlightenment so bright</i><br>
<br>
What, no typos? Give an extra hug {at least} to your editor. All in all, a most fine piece for your return.
The first and last stanza are okay, but the two middle ones really outshine them.
I really liked the poem untill the last stanza. Something went wrong there between the Zen the reality and the enlightenment from the previous stanza. Perhaps new tutor or better glasses?