All Comments on 'crane fly'

impaled and crushed against the wall,

you search into her addled eyes

for some trace of a paradise

while grinding her green youthfulness

against the stone of your hunger.

underneath your dingy longing

'underneath' might work better if you shortened it to simply 'beneath'.

i do like the the crane-fly conceit here, sandy, as it works so well with the 'dangling legs', 'gangly beauty', and 'fragile, gauzy wings'.

There are a couple of hiccups in the rhythm, but otherwise a haunting read.. Recommended.

continue to write good poetry. Interesting use of words to convey meaning. I like.

continue to do more of this, you can't go wrong:

smear the blood of her dignity

underneath your dingy longing.

blood/longing, dignity/dingy (better)

cross echoing

tremble on her lips

good phrase

easy 100

I agree with those who called this haunting. The ending, especially, is very strong.

"Haunting" for me begins to describe it. I thought it was frightening. It not always a pleasant thought to be reminded of this part of the male archetype. Very well done and powerful.

Five.