- Erotic Poetry
- crane fly
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Click heresilly girl in a poufy skirt
smiles and titters before she’s hurt -
impaled and crushed against the wall,
her legs dangling as if for all
to taste of her slim innocence,
and sample her gangly beauty.
you lick the tremble on her lips
and pinch her small but perfect tits.
you search into her addled eyes
for some trace of a paradise
while grinding her green youthfulness
against the stone of your hunger.
her fragile, gauzy wings break off
as you smash her like a bug and
smear the blood of her dignity
underneath your dingy longing.
- COMMENTS
greenmountaineerover 13 years ago"Haunting" for me begins to describe it. I thought it was frightening. It not always a pleasant thought to be reminded of this part of the male archetype. Very well done and powerful.
Angelineover 13 years agoI agree with those who called this haunting. The ending, especially, is very strong.
twelveooneover 13 years agocontinue to do more of this, you can't go wrong:
smear the blood of her dignity
underneath your dingy longing.
blood/longing, dignity/dingy (better)
cross echoing
tremble on her lips
good phrase
easy 100
Esperanza_Hidalgoover 13 years agocontinue to write good poetry. Interesting use of words to convey meaning. I like.
fridayamover 13 years agoThere are a couple of hiccups in the rhythm, but otherwise a haunting read.. Recommended.
buttersover 13 years agoimpaled and crushed against the wall,
you search into her addled eyes
for some trace of a paradise
while grinding her green youthfulness
against the stone of your hunger.
underneath your dingy longing
'underneath' might work better if you shortened it to simply 'beneath'.
i do like the the crane-fly conceit here, sandy, as it works so well with the 'dangling legs', 'gangly beauty', and 'fragile, gauzy wings'.
