- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Creating Shadows
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Click hereTwilight that infinitesimal place
between night and day,
you remind me of
darkness and light,
bound together in a moment
photographed on your soul
dancing between the setting
of the sun and
the rising of the moon
why transition to night
when we can bridge light
and shade
complexities in charms
wrapped in lovers
arms,
the colour of happenstance,
whole in substance,
passion red sky
in twilights eye
hang between the time
of shadow and light
suspend me in your colours
twilight experienced
thrice a day,
sun rise, sun set and
when at last our eyes met
that instant pales all else,
leaving nothing but shadows
in our wake
- COMMENTS
Cleardaynowalmost 10 years agoI was drawn to this by seeing that someone had favourited it and as I seldom see one by you, I went to read this. OK, you do occasionally put one in Erotic Poetry but I seldom go there as ‘erotic’ poems like ‘erotic’ photographs seldom are. And those that aren’t can be quite depressing. Anyway, I do end up reading your erotic poems – which are both erotic and very good – long after everyone else and find myself reluctant and almost shy to leave a comment. I am glad to see I did on ‘Accounting & Building’.
This is lovely and evocative and deserves its favouriting.
I do have one constructive comment. You twice use a word out of common use. One works I think - ‘happenstance’ (incidentally not on the banned list of ‘poetic’ words used by the Victorians) which just hangs in the air beautifully. ‘Thrice’ is a pity and I think you would be better with ‘three times’. ‘Thrice’ sticks out like a sore thumb and draws the eye and mind impeding the message, emotional or rational, from being conveyed. In my opinion.
I look forward to seeing your next poem, erotic or otherwise.
Trixareforkidsalmost 10 years agoEvery once in a while I become transfixed by a single line. In this case it's "the colour of happenstance". First it made me smile, then it made me wonder, which caused me to ponder and...transfixed I began to sense it until it finally bloomed revealing itself. Thank you, it's quite a lovely colour.
todski28about 10 years agoAuthorIt is both her personality but also her as a person in a relationship you have peaks and troughs highs and lows dark and light. If you can find those perfect moments that you share it makes it all worth it.
Tsothaabout 10 years agoWow, this one is beautiful. I was left wondering if by darkness and light you were alluding to her personality, which causes him both happiness and sorrow, or just describing the moment of twilight...
SpringBreezesabout 10 years agoThis is one of those poems that by the end of each reading sends back, anew, to its beginning. Each time through, layers of imagery and meaning inform what last I read and each time through has been a distinct pleasure.
Very well done.
buttersover 10 years ago12 makes a good point about tense, maybe see how it'd work as present, but the concept and framing's all there. i especially like how you use the N and the person spoken about as the fixed points of physicality able to make their own shadows (interaction of light/solid objects) in a space where none exist. nice one, tods x
Ashesh9over 10 years agoSunrise , sunset
& then at last when our eyes
Met !!!
Killer lines , Tod !! High 5-ed .
HarryHillover 10 years agoand I have to admit I rushed to comment before completely digesting the content,
but the lines were so... succinct(?) Oh, and the title, yeah, I see it.
