All Comments on 'E.S. Stanza #1'

Hard Labour , Harry !----A-9

1st two lines - poetry

next two - eh. poetic, to tighten it, here you are introducing a snake-thing, and then it wiggles out. find a way so it slithers thoughout.

next personalize it, too generalized i.e. words of man, you are assuming the role of a spokesperson, not a good role in poetry.

but a pleasant read nonetheless - I look forward to seeing more. Sweet O.

If it had less words it would not fit the form of a Spincerian stanza. Thanks for the comments all. I should have stuck with my usual minimalist schtick.

"One fears losing their voice in modern times"

that's great

as one fears but has not lost there is a little conflict here

"Then struggles to find how to speak again"

" cowled " nice word

"Rich fruit awaits within slowly teased strands "love this as image of a woman's teased hair