All Comments on 'Eating the Music'

A nice read that could be tightened up into a very good poem.

For instance the second stanza is nowhere as strong as the third,

and it could benefit from a rethinking of the last two lines.

Perhaps concentrate more on the taste and nourishment

and less on the mass in the mouth?

The poet should put this one away for awhile

and then come back to it with a new eye.

It is worth it.

Your title caught my eye as I'm a big Kate Bush fan. I liked several of your metaphors, but as YDD said it could use some tightening up. For example from Kate Bush's "Eat the Music" Split me open, with devotion. You put your hands in, and rip my heart out.Eat the music.-- The words are tight, concise, and full of imagery- much as I got from your poem Good effort. Keep it up- Thanks.

but this one needs a bit of trimming. The poem is there, you just need to find it in all the words. Reading it out loud may help you find the exact combinations you need.

jim : )