All Comments on 'Fig Jam'

scattered throughout your poem. I like the ideas here, but the way it is set up makes it impossible to read for me. What it lacks is fluidity. I have said this before, ( about other poems) but this feels like it has been edited "to death ." I am not being mean, as some would suggest, just offering my thoughts on this work. If I didn't think it had promise, I would not have bothered. Good luck with your future endeavors!

Curious format. I didn't have trouble reading it, like Maria2394, but it felt a bit like reading a very long sentence without breaks. Was that you intention? It felt like the entire scene was punched into my head at once. Interesting.

One other thing I found interesting was the last part, about the man on a chair under a blanket looking at the television. I imagined him blank faced, cataleptic, just staring at the TV. But then, he is "looking at the television as if it is a blackboard with razorblade etched ancient symbols dancing across its face". Me, I'd be going "oh wow what the hell is that!!!!!" if I saw ancient razorblade etched symbols moving around by themselves. :-)

I try to write snippets of movement to establish a feel. I like long sentences and hope that the audience is reading them slowly to create a staggered momentum. and the old man, hell yeah, he was under that blanket gawking at fox-trotting symbols. his enthusiasm waned only by eating the worst fig jam day after day on toast made bitter and mean the margarine they used the same color as their abode.

I liked this. I need to read a few more times over after a break to get more from it but I think the image of "the most disgusting fig jam" is fantastic!