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Click here"The hitter and the hit are no longer
two opposing objects,
but one reality."
-Zen in the Art of Archery
the split nerves in the ends
of your fingers whistling
the smooth click of a single
action pistol
all things being equal
when you get down to dirt
and bullets it's a fair trade
dust for blood
slapping leather for a pine box
the cold shock of adrenaline
for pride and now you're boots
up breathing wet mess drinking
copper by the lungful ain't
no difference whether you got here
bulletholed or brain-tumored
bled out is dead as dying
in your sleep and you
boy
you were shooting at yourself
anyway
strange
to feel the bullet
before you hear
the shot
Eerie. I liked it. Very different choice of subject matter. I am a big fan of out of left field stuff. I want more.
I think your line breaks are strange at times, and your epigraph doesn't to my mind fit your poem (perhaps I'm being overly simplistic there), but the poem overall makes a more coherent impression on me than your others did.<p>
All I think I'll say, lest I get even more pedantic.
it doesn't feel like this poem is about anything. Your other poem about shouting into crayon boxes sort of meanders around the surreal, but it too seems to be missing a subject/object. I haven't read the other one. I guess, find something you want to express, find a focus for your poems and try to say something fresh.