All Comments on 'Head to Head'

by UnderYourSpell

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  • 4 Comments
DesejoDesejoalmost 13 years ago
Both paints a picture

and tells a story at the same time, which I like very much. Even though its a bit creepy (smile). Two small thoughts that in no way make or break the poem: last line in the first stanza, when reading it I was inclined to eliminate the "a" to become "stop breath". Secondly - I have mixed feelings about the last three lines, which I think could be stronger. No sure how - but maybe something like:

to add another lock

fingers binding their glory

forever

GuiltyPleasureGuiltyPleasurealmost 13 years ago
Sometimes.......

.....your writing has such an air of mystery so that reading you is a bit like cloud-gazing. The reader can form his/her own images and this poem is no exception. Some lovely lines "sleekly slipping across his palm" and "strong enough to stop a breath" particularly. Nicely done.

Tess

bulltlrbulltlralmost 13 years ago
5

I too enjoyed these lines...

sleekly slipping across his palm.

Each sensuous strand slender

yet together strong enough

to stop a breath.

very vivid!

AChildAChildover 12 years ago
Head and shoulders

I enjoyed your poem. It conjured up images of playing tickle games on the school yard. It is innocent at first, but quickly becomes complicated as the individual connections amass to create a different experience. The poem is justly named Head to Head, yet there is something unevenly submissive about the target of the braid.

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