All Comments on 'His'

I found it very sexy; you capture very well the erotic tension inherent in being a submissive. The only thing I would have like to have seen is the metaphor of acting carried on throughout the poem, as I find many aspects of BDSM very theatrical - we even talk of 'scenes' and 'staging.' Overall, though, I liked this and encourage you to keep writing erotic poetry!

commented on in a thread

your move through the meter so smoothly it is hard to tell it's even there. That's guite a trick! And overall your poem is a great combo of insight, sensitivity and eroticism. Really well done.

I have two comments that I hope you will see as constructive.

1. The poem as stands in rather long and that can be daunting to readers. Maybe break it into two or three sections?

2. The first two lines of the third verse seem to have a pronoun issue to me. Who is kneeling? I know you mean her but that "His" at the beginning of the first line confuses things. I think you could get around it by removing the comma after floor. That will change what follows to restrictive (rather than a parenthetical phrase separated by commas) and the read will more clearly point to it being the woman.

Just my opinions of course. Glad you found the forum. Stick around and write with us!

would easily fit Dylan's as words to "She Always a Woman"