by Shadowsandflames
more a zappai. While it is an interesting view, perhaps, an imprisoned beast, you are intrepreting for your reader instead of presenting the image and letting him or her intrepret that image. Remember haiku is more than 5/7/5, actually most haiku is now written with something less than seventeen syllables.
If you are interested in knowing more about haiku, let me know, I can send you a few links.
jim : )