All Comments on 'Intensity'

This is one level better than the average fuck poem here. You have a strong opening line that is intense and different enough to draw me in and wonder where the poem is heading. And on the way you manage to avoid most clichés that can make erotic poems silly, and replace them with more interresting wording and imagery.

So thumbs up in general. Some advise though, take it or leave it:

You steer clear of most clichés, but not all. I'd advise you to find some other way to say things like "tortured your flesh", "the plunges and the thrusting" and "making you scream".

The conclusion of the poem is a little let-down. I was hoping to be surprised, to get to a "Oh, that's clever"-moment. Now what you're saying is essentially: "I'd miss the good stuff, but not the bad stuff." Understandable, but not very interesting.

because my brain wasn't turned on yesterday. I think the highlight is that last line, which takes it up a notch. The first three lines create mood, and the linens line is a keen use and comparison. Nice.

shuddering plunges thrusting

for starters...

a little plumbing to unclog the ache

way too predicable

100 anyway