All Comments on 'lovesong'

It feels to me like there's a natural break after the line that ends on "wings"--at least I paused there. And then another one between the chariot and the truck lines as they seem like they'd have more impact separated. But I overall like the quixotic nature of this poem as it moves from from a sort of wanton sensuality at the beginning to a cry for love at the end. Oh and I hate the ellipsis points, but you know me: I always hate to see those things in a poem. Feel free to ignore me on that last point--most do! xo

....if you can. There are some tongue-twisting combos but well worth the read. I agree with Ange about the line breaks but that's the joy of a punctuation-less poem - the breaks are where the reader wants them to be. It's common knowledge I like these "stream-of-concsiousness" poems and this one is no exception.

Tess

Poet Guy especially liked "cast wicked and discerning / upon the caste-less chaste-less class", though he doubts he could recite that combination of lines 10 times rapidly in succession.

There is something a little heady about having one of these lovable monsters pop out of your head isn't there? It's pretty good and pretty nearly unreadable out loud but that's cool sometimes. The skinny middle lines bug me for some reason...

The words and images of this piece make me see the extremes of passionate love, the euphoria, the fear, the pain and the satisfaction, all which come and go so fast, one cannot see the lines between them. Very well done.