by mxslicer
in this poem, a feeling that I think you could heighten even more with some trimming. If you go through your lines and take out all but the most essential message I think the impact of the emotion, the nothingness will be overwhelming. You have a very good poem here, that I think, with some prodigious trimming you can work it into something really special. Good work...
jim : )
Taking into account you suggestions. I've rewritten this poem. I think it's an improvement.
Thanks!