Spinning Desires

I think this has the makings of something very good but not quite there yet, because you have some great lines in there i.e 'even the purest of hearts

Dropping to their knees' and 'Taking maybes, ifs and mights

and spinning them into hopes and dreams'.

Thanks for the read.

commented on elsewhere

next up de-cliche, and substitution of nouns you can't touch *abstract with nouns you can, like

knees

Nice to see your poem make it here, but I don't have any comments other than those already given on the forum. Just stopped by to vote.

A couple of words repeated close together here, I.e desire and night, which I think detracts a little from the read

Could maybe suggest change line four stanza one from

"And I am defenseless against your desire"

To

I am defenseless against you,

I think desire is implied in the whole first 3 lines, the change feels to me a stronger definitive statement and drops the echo of desire in the next line where to me it is a stronger placement.

First line stanza 4

I could suggest change from

And the dizzying madness in the night

To

the dizzy madness

Above this line you mention eternal night , strong words even if a little cli'ched they fit the purpose of drawing a reader into a lust filled night of whatever we want to imagine, and also takes out the use of the word night so close together ,

The rest I really enjoyed. Thanks for the read a 4 from me