All Comments on 'Storm's Approach (Haiku)'

my strong point is not haiku, so I wont attempt to express my thoughts on your form...but

taking the three lines as apoem, not expressly haiku, in my opinion, youhave an abundance of adjectives in a very short piece.

Take, the word-- "darkening"

Clouds coming together, I instantly got the image of darkening clouds, that one word isn't necessary, is it?

Your title gives the reader MUCH info to begin with and some poets forget that the title is also part of the poem, it imparts information that the reader is already using in his/her mind before the first line has even been read.

~~~

I would also suggest you use a diffent form of your words that end in -ing. Make it a more forceful poem, such as the approaching strom is filled with power, so could your work be if you use a stronger form of your verbs.

I am attempting to offer more in the way of critique besides the usual "good work, etc" that I normally offered in the past. My words are offered as my opinion and not meant in any way to be an attack or unkind in any way. If this is unwelcome, please let me know so, okay?

I noticed you have a HUGE amount of work posted recently and I have read some of them. I would mention that sometimes it is easier on the reviewer and the readers if you dont post all your stuff at once, and also when readers see a dozen poems from one author, well, I personally skip ( have skipped) them assuming they are posted in a hurry without much thought... but most of yours have been pleasure to read.

keep up the good work :)

maria

This poem was mentioned in Wednesday's New Poems Reviews.

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