All Comments on 'Tenement Window...'

the idea and the structure in this piece alot

It has some great possibilities.

this verse:

I love you

for what you are -

for the dreams

for the wishes

for single smiles

for each moment

you leave within.

maybe trim it a bit...i know the feeling you are trying to achieve

how does this read to you:

I love you

for what you are -

the dreams

wishes ,and single smiles

for each moment

you leave within.

just a thought.

keep this aside and write it again in 3 months and see how it looks

would be a little bit better if you did away with the ellipses, just a suggestion, it just makes it seem like you arent certyain about your words. otherwise a very good poem :)

....with the statements below. This piece has great possibilities, and places all over where a few images could enrich it greatly. I, too, would remove the ellipses.