All Comments on 'The Awakening (horror)'

Welcome to Lit's

House of Poetry;

A most promising start

Could use a bit of trimming.

A sample suggestion - change this:

"Dreadfully, three times the night-owl hooted.

Waking me up from my dreamless sleep,

haunting my uneasy mind with ghosts of hollow vows

and unfulfilled promises long-forgotten."

To this:

"Three times the night-owl hooted.

Waking me from dreamless sleep,

haunting uneasy mind with ghosts of hollow vows

and unfulfilled promises long-forgot."

A bit of pruning gives greater impact.

Again, welcome!

No adjustment needed; the collision of fading potency with emerging instict is powerful. I love it.