by foehn
This is some of the best writing I have seen here.
I ordinararily avoid poems that look like blocks, but this catches you in the first sentence:
"You said you hated cooking, but you served
several meals of pain to me most days;"
Summs up in the same style
"I couldn’t taste that heaped dollop of silence
from the favorite bowl I lost when I moved out."
Along the way - look at this sentence - includes everything
good about writing, I was thrown a little by the semi-colons at first, a valuble lesson in punctuation.
"Some went into the frozen darkness,
and I’d never think of them again: stuffed
far in the back, sealed bags of spicy disdain
so often set before me; disapproval pie;
sweetened condemnation; small casseroles
of accusation, seasoned with suspicion;
resentment rolls, collected through the years."
There is so much here, consistent, original,
"small casseroles
of accusation, seasoned with suspicion;"
I feel you are giving us lessons with this.
I also see a sustainment of complex mood with a touch of humour.
Quite nice, from someone who refered to himself as "dumb", I quote:
"but dumb as I am, I need an overall unity of tone."
Pardon my pun, so well done.
As good as one would find in the New Yorker, only more enjoyable.
witty clever and very funny <grinin'>
boy you said a mouth full <laughin'>
but dont bite the hand that feeds you (~_~)
wonderful serving of a poetic situation
a buffet of delight in this poem~
hehehe thanks~
The title caught my eye, and the rest was wonderful. Very nice work.
I'm going to call them paragraphs instead of verses. The
1st one would make a great start to a novel. I thought
towards the middle and end the fire was gone and you mellowed a little. Like someone before posted, I don't
read this type of poem often, but that 1st paragraph was
as good as it gets.
I love this site. Sometimes you trip and fall into a gem.
This is a gem. Thank you so very much for writing it.