All Comments on '18-year-old Designed for SIN!'

Most likely will earn top marks since it is

w/o a name. Keep writing and see how badly you can piss him off the fucking freak.

...did I miss something? All I read was Betsy fucking Earl... when did the model fuck 4 guys? Is there a page missing?

showguy: nice and dirty alright but way too long considering the amount of actual story there was... you need a better editor! but you could be good.

Shorten the story by leaving out all these repetitions. You should learn to use commas, too. If the story should be taken serious, the girl probably shouldn't cum about 30 times in a row.

This tale may have been repetitive,lacking in vocabulary,unrealistic and cliched,but it really turned me on!

Each fuck and ejaculation is pretty much the same as the other,but that matters not to me-the whole point is that Earls huge cock remains stiff and keeps spraying jets of cum.That's what made me cum!

So,thanks Showguy,i am going to read Hot Girl next!

i had to skip the first part of the story because no one gives a fuck how many beauty contests you have won. You should only have one paragraph describing yourself.... maybe two at the most. Eh the story was ok, kind of repetitive and lacking in writing skill.

Far too repetitive. I got bored of reading the same thing described 3 very similar ways in several paragraphs. The repetition was enough to make me soft which is a very tough thing to do. Try to shorten it, change up descriptions and stop being so full of yourself. No on wants to read an entire page of your achievements on this site.

I didn't catch what size his penis was.