All Comments on '24 Hours Ch. 01'

very well written, but excessive extraneous material.

I found no "incest". I was expecting Tom or whatever his name, to shack up with a long lost sister or cousin.

Sue saying Richard and her are step kids,,, that's no incest! It's silly to put the story under the incest category; it should have gone under erotic couples, because that's whta it is........

Beautifully constructed story, a real winner! Lots of realistic sex, but listed under incest?

This is an excellent story on so many levels. Technically, the grammar, spelling, etc., are all first rate (qualities not always found here). You have a good ear for dialog and the conversations flowed well.

I liked the storyline, too. In some ways, the "falling in love" happened a bit quickly but the last time I fell in love it was just as precipitously as Tom and Sue did (and as Richard and Les did).

I hesitantly agree with the comment that this probably shouldn't be filed under "incest" but Literotica doesn't allow stories to be filed under multiple categories so putting it here rather than under "erotic couplings" at least keeps people reading "erotic couplings" from complaining about the distant incest.

I also disagree with the comment that there is excessive extraneous material. It's 8 pages long! It's not supposed to be a stroke story, it's supposed to be a story.

I can't begin to imagine how long it took the author to write and polish this story but I'm sure it took a while. I guess that's how long we'll have to wait for another story from the author. It'll be worth the wait. (I wish comments supported paragraphs!)

Thank you all for your feedback, this is so important to a new writer. 24 Hours took about 2 months of spare time and a couple of weeks to polish up, with the valuable input of a couple of female friends.

Sue doesnt know I have written this, it will be my Valentine's gift to her, hopefully I will benefit too..wink, wink! Richard and Les are in on the secret and have asked if they can write their side of the story, I believe Les is already busy on the keys so look out for 24 Hours The Sequel! I have taken the liberty of awarding myself 100%, well that does relate to the effort put in!

TG

PS Input from ladies would be welcome too!

Good job and I hope you will continue to write

You are a talentedwriter.Descriptive technically but always entertaining.Hope to see more stories.

WHo is Kate?

Kate (on Page 8) is Sue's real name, I used false names throughout but slipped up on that one. If that's the only mistake in 29,000 words I will be really chuffed. No doubt some readers will try to find more!

Sounds like this is really your first submission. If so, very very impressive. A good story and a good read. I especially liked the beginning, meeting Les, getting to know each other and their first time.

If this is a first submission, you've got a lot going for you already...just watch out for the dangling participles, that's all; I noticed a couple of them. It was a very fun and sexy story, for all that. Just a couple of comments, to you and to one of the other posters here: in most western culture and I think to a certain extent in law, doing it with a step-sibling is viewed as a form of incest, so there was a bit of incest in this story, although I think it could have gone in Group Sex just as well. Also, do not tar all Methodists with the same brush. I happen to be a Methodist myself, and we come in all varieties--just as you'll go to some Methodist parties and all you'll find to drink is sodas and sweet tea (iced tea with sugar in it, for those not from the American south) but at others, you'll find us putting away the wine with great enthusiasm!

A wonderful story and beautifully written. The descriptions of sex are highly charged, effectively blended in the aura of budding romances. It's a combination you and too few other authors are able to successfully create.

I eagerly look forward to more from you.

In respect of the Incest. Sue experienced it with her step brother, and I made a suggestion that I might have done it with my real sister. Not real incest but enough to make the powers-that-be file it where it is.

I am working on a complete re-write which will exclude this so-called incest and when the holiday comp comes along will release it under the name of "Young Island" and get it listed in it's proper place.

As for the extranneous material, I did remark at the beginning of the story that this is not a one page wank story but a full erotic romantic tale. The anonymous critic obviously came on the first page and had 'nothing left' for the last seven pages.

For taking the trouble to reply I award myself 100%. I deserve it!

Hi, I am a Barbadian and enjoyed reading your story immensely. I found it very factual and well written. I had a Vincentian girlfriend years ago (in the sixty's) and used to be over there quite often. I however ended up marrying a sweet Barbadian girl. We spent a month in London two years ago to celebrate our 36th wedding anniversary. We flew Virgin as well. Regards to Sue.

Thank you for a well written piece of erotica....... 29,000 words - crikey!! Such passion and so many tender moments. Thanks again.

Absolutely an Awesome story. I hope you get the feed back you want to keep writing more wonderfully sexy stories. Thanks for the the time away from the everyday hassle to sit and read such a GREAT Love escape.

Not that it's too long...just that I had to keep taking 'breaks' to cool down and get my heart rate back to normal! Lovely, sensuous story, darling! One that I'll read again, I'm sure.

This is without a doubt the best story I have ever read. Thank you.

What a wonderful first submission. Lots of romance and realistic sex and grammatically perfect. If there were an Oscar for writing you would win hands down. Karen x

Great story, couldn't put it down even though my girlfriend was waiting for me up there in bed. Your story got me pretty horny for her though! Maybe not quite as good as Atlantic Virgin but it's right up there with the best. My girlfriend says keep writing Tom, I wonder why? Rich.

W.O.W!

Very well done, but miscategorized. Why is this story in Incest/Taboo??

Why is this story in the Incest/Taboo section?

Well done. Very good series. Well developed story line.

Lovely story so far, am waiting for next episode!

I like her character-horny young devoted mom, and the dialogue.

What I really don't understand is why this is in incest/taboo, and the tags associated with it-bro/sis, 1st time, anal...

added you to my list. i look forward to reading more

Come-on why you gotta bash Harry Potter, anyway whatever you say it is still swinging.

Very nice!