30 - No One Will Ever Love You

"That's incredible. You're brilliant."

Her tone had changed a little, although it still sounded happy. "You should come over and give me a hug and a kiss to congratulate me. Show that you really are impressed."

So that's what I did. When we broke the kiss, she spoke.

"Now, will you teach me some more this evening? I have a lot of lost time to make up for." I couldn't believe how excited she was. We ended up working until one AM, and I had an early class the next day.

We went to bed exhausted. I will admit that I was still hesitant in bolding sliding in to bed with her without an explicit invitation. When I lay down next to Cassie, I found out that she was naked except for a pair of boyshorts. I could hear her softly telling me how grateful she was, but I was exhausted and admittedly was quickly drifting off.

My descent stopped when I felt her mouth on my cock. I tried to tell her that she didn't need to, not to feel obligated. When I put my arms down to pull her off of me (I really did feel guilty at the inequity building in our relationship), she slapped my hands away rather fiercely. It sort of ruined the romantic ambience of the moment, but I got the message. So I lay back and surrendered myself to the pleasure. That is the last I remember before waking up the next morning.

Chapter 8

I woke first and slipped out of the bed to shower. For days now, I had been shirking my work. I cannot say that I regretted it, but it was clearly unsustainable.

I was going to ignore Winston Churchill's advice, about fighting on the beaches and in France and all of that, in order to beat a hasty retreat. That went double for fighting in the hills and on the landing strips. If I could get out of the house, I thought, it might be possible for me to get some real work done and still be back in time to do some serious tutoring with Cassie. The first step was to get away.

Of course, it was just then that I heard the door to the bathroom open.

"Mel, I'm in here!"

The door closed again, that was a relief. I don't know why I was sure that it was Mel and that she had left, but I do know that when the shower curtain suddenly pulled open, I jumped right out of my metaphorical britches.

Cassie slipped into the shower in front of me. She told me good morning, but her smile had a certain smugness about it. So she knew my plan...

I recovered from my shock to realize that this was an earth-shattering moment... an anniversary to be remembered... a day that will live in infamy. I was standing in front of a fully naked woman! She wasn't bribed, or drunk, or anything. (Well, I guess she was sort of bribed, but no money changed hands and that's the important part. I hope.)

And no, it doesn't count if you have to cover your eyes and apologize profusely. Besides, my aunt was seventy-four years old, and using a walker at the time. It's just not the same.

Back to the point, I was standing there, with a naked woman. A naked woman who was smiling at me. I know that I had seen Cassie in states of undress before, including topless, but it was different this time. I could see the whole image of her, the entire Cassie. From her gleaming black hair, now wet, down her lean, sparing curves to her cutely painted toenails (I hadn't noticed them before, just adorable), Cassie was perfect.

Of course, she had other things on her mind.

She was pulling my hand down towards her cunt. "Ray, are you going to go ahead and touch me or are you going to run away again?"

What was that about fighting on the landing strips again?

Of course, I did not make it to work early. In fact, I was late to my own class, which I was supposed to be teaching.

We played around in the shower. Cassie encouraged me to become familiar with her body and I washed her until the world's worst germaphobe would have been convinced she was clean. At the end, she knelt down and sucked on me for about a minute, just long enough to allow me to get worked up, before pushing me out of the shower with a grin.

"You'll need to save something for tonight, Ray. Try not to think about it at work, otherwise you won't get anything done."

It was the worst workday of my life. I accomplished nothing... just nothing at all.

No, wait. That's not right, I did accomplish something. I was so distracted during my class that I insisted that John Hancock signed the Magna Carta first. Then a student called me on it, very rudely, so I spent five minutes fiercely arguing with him under the confused thought that a professor should never admit to being wrong.

All of that would have been fine if a video of it didn't end up on YouTube.

*****

When I got home, as frustrated as I had ever been, I found Mel sitting happily at the table with Cassie. They had just started dinner.

I don't remember a single damn thing about that meal, or what anyone said, except for two things.

First, when I managed to get into the kitchen alone with Cassie, I grabbed her... hard. She looked at me with a smile that was half mocking and half sympathy.

Cassie pushed my hands away (I had regained control of myself enough that I wasn't actually gripping her anymore), and told me, "You'll just need to wait until later."

I might have said something then. In my memories, I just growled at her. This was an aspect of myself that I had never been acquainted with. To make it worse, Cassie just patted my cheek.

"Ray, I guess it's time for another lesson. A woman like me might love to be bent over the kitchen table and fucked like there's no tomorrow, but... she is unlikely to be so willing if her friend is still eating at that table. Be patient."

Was this what being in a relationship was like? I think I preferred being alone.

The second thing that I remember, and vividly, is her apple pie. Presumably, all of the dishes were items that had been on the cooking channel that day, but the apple pie definitely was. Cassie proudly told us that it was a special, extra cinnamon, apple pie.

At least it was enough to get my mind off... other troubles. I love apple pie and I always complain that it's not spicy enough. There was no doubt that I was excited to try it.

The first bite nearly killed me. It was definitely spicy enough, after all she had mixed up cayenne pepper with cinnamon. I found myself on the floor, wheezing badly, lungs burning, with Cassie leaning over me crying.

In truth, the pie probably wasn't that spicy but you just don't expect to get a fierce Cajun kick in your first bite of apple pie. In the shock of it, I think part of the bite went down the wrong way. Whatever was the cause, I was in agony and Cassie was nearly as upset.

We got me back up in the chair and when I was able, I told Cassie not to worry. It can happen to anyone. At least that's what I tried to croak out, what they actually heard is anybody's guess. Whatever I told her was enough to calm Cassie down, because I found her in my lap clinging to me. Mel just stood back with an odd smile, part of which I could understand. It had the makings of a very funny prank.

"Cassie..." cough "... do you really enjoy cooking..." cough "... I mean..." cough "... not just as a way to repay me?"

Her voice was wavering, "Yes, although I like it less right now than I did ten minutes ago."

In the end, the explanation was simple. I hadn't spent any time on the spices with her, assuming they were irrelevant. When the nice lady on the cooking channel told her to get the cinnamon, Cassie found a spice that looked sort of like it. She knew the spice she wanted started with 'C', since they had put the ingredient instructions on the screen when the lady added the cinnamon. Couldn't she have made the mistake with cloves instead?

"OK, we'll need to set the kitchen up to be more Cassie friendly."

I laughed.

"What, Ray?"

"I will never tell my Mom that she should make the pie more spicy again!"

At least we were both still able to laugh at that. It was a little strange, Mel had nothing to say the rest of the evening.

Chapter 9

We were heading to bed that night after another several hours of tutoring. I had stripped down and was just starting to relax, when Cassie came into my view. She had stripped as well.

"Ray, aren't you forgetting what we were in the middle of?"

I sputtered for a moment.

"Should I remind you?"

She was stalking across the bed on all fours towards me. When Cassie reached me, she again went to suck me. I was afraid of being slapped again, but I didn't think this was the plan.

"Cassie, weren't we going to..."

She was smiling at me. The tease had been replaced by the gentle teacher. "If we did anything now, you'd blow in record time. Don't worry, this match is going to run several rounds."

And she was right, it seemed like only moments later that I did explode. After which, I was able to regain blood flow to my brain.

"Cassie, it's your turn. How do you like it?"

"Don't worry about it, Ray."

That made me a little upset. "Yes, I damn well am going to worry about it. If there's one thing that I want to walk out of this knowing, it's how to please a woman. So what gets you all hot and bothered? The glimpse of man's calves who doesn't need to pad with horsehair?" I lifted one of legs up towards her. The nonsense was really just to put her at ease, since she seemed a little anxious, which was strange. I doubted that Cassie knew what I was referring to.

"I don't know. All of the men that I've been with... they just haven't really been interested in pleasing me."

That threw me a little. "OK... well, what do you like? Cunninglingus?"

"Does that mean having my pussy eaten?" She looked a little confused.

"Yeah."

"It's nice, but not a big deal."

I persisted. "Well, what do you like?"

"I like fingering myself." She grinned a little when she said that.

"We can work with that. Can you show me how?"

"I guess..." She opened her legs for me to get closer. "I like rubbing the inside, right about there the best." She was pointing to a spot on the front wall of her cunt, a few inches in and a little off center.

"Well, let's give it a try."

I stuck one finger inside of her... another first for me. Rather blindly, I started rubbing trying to aim for that spot she had shown me. It was not as easy to find as it appeared to be from the outside.

After a little bit of time, she shuddered slightly.

Cassie's voice was breathy. "That was it!"

This was exciting, maybe if I could use another finger...

"Stop, Ray! Only one for now." She was grabbing my wrist, rightly fearing that a second finger was about to join the first. A little while later, she let go. "OK."

I put the second in, continuing to try to rub that spot. Cassie was beginning to writhe a little, moaning. For some reason, that made me think about the clit. I hadn't tried that yet, so I moved my thumb to where I am guessing it was. (Like the Baths of Diocletian, women have complicated plumbing.)

That sparked a more dramatic response, as Cassie began actually moving around, obviously no longer coherent. Somehow, she ended up on all fours, as I knelt behind her using my fingers. Her reaction reached the peak when she went through a violent fit of shivers as her cunt gripped my fingers tightly, almost painfully.

I expected Cassie to collapse over limp, maybe asleep, but she reacted in an entirely different manner. As I pulled my fingers out of her, she was struggling to speak, but I was able to make out the general gist.

"Ray... stick your... fuck... ing... dick in me!"

I was painfully hard already, but I hadn't expected the invitation so it took me a moment to react. Thankfully, things were all lined up and I was able to insert myself into her fairly easily.

She wasn't giving me any guidance, so I began to awkwardly stroke in and out slowly. It was incredible. All the frustration in the world would have been worth this. After a minute, she began to shiver again and I felt her clamp down on me. With my fingers it had been alright, with my cock it was more painful. I froze until she was over and waited for her instructions.

Cassie wasn't talking, but she also wasn't pushing me away or collapsing over, so I took it as a sign to continue. A minute later, the same thing happened again. The third time that it did, I was actually ready to climax, myself. The tight grip ended up preventing me from being able to. Fifteen seconds after her orgasm passed, I had mine. It was more intense than I imagined possible.

A little pathetically, I collapsed on her. Fortunately, Cassie was able to wriggle out from under me, so that we were laying side by side.

"It can't always be like that, can it?" I was incredulous.

She had a sleepy, goofy grin. "Not in my experiences."

We were quickly fading. Cassie climbed on top of me, sprawled across my chest and legs as I lay on my back, pulling the sheet over us. As I fell asleep, I could feel something dripping on me where her legs met.

Chapter 10

The days began to pass quickly. Our time was taken up by the tutoring, her cooking, my work, and a lot of sexual exploration.

In many ways, Cassie was the most gifted person I had ever met. She could watch someone do something once, and then imitate it perfectly. Watching her dance was a thing of beauty. Once we organized the kitchen, including pictorial labels on key items, she continued to astonish me with her cooking. That she was acquiring all of the expertise watching the cooking channel was astonishing.

Things became exciting, and then a little depressing, when Cassie discovered porn. Of course, she had known about it before, but she told me that she had never watched any. It turned out that her talents extended to that realm as well. She could watch them fuck in some ridiculous position, and then repeat it herself, unless it depended on me for some feat of strength or flexibility.

I eventually had to ask her to tone down the porn study a little. It was starting to make me feel inadequate.

At the same time, I was withdrawing myself a little, trying to soften the blow that I would suffer when our agreement ended.

*****

Another occurrence placed additional strain on our strange relationship. It happened when Cassie began to show real progress with reading. My initial hope was to get her to the point where she would be able to read street signs or labels, things like that, but I became optimistic that we might be able to achieve more.

One day, I handed her a newspaper to read. She looked at me suspiciously, but I was eager to see her succeed, so I encouraged her to try it.

Cassie took the paper and stared intently at it for a few minutes. I could see an unhappy look building on her face, but she seemed to be coping, until suddenly she put the paper down. As she turned towards me, I could see that she was feeling much worse than I had thought.

And then she began to vomit, rather violently. When she was done, I held her while she cried.

"The letters were spinning around so quickly... It made me really sick."

"It's OK. We'll figure it out."

"I'm sorry I threw up..." A pause, "All over everything."

That earned a chuckle from me. "It's OK, Cassie. I just wished you trusted me enough to tell me that I was pushing you too hard."

Later on, I would regret those words. If I had stopped and thought about it, Cassie was trusting me more than she had ever trusted anyone in her short life. To criticize one small slip-up, what was I thinking?

*****

Later that afternoon, I took her to an electronics store to buy her a tablet computer. It was stretching the budget very tightly for me, but I had come to realize that it might be a life saver for her. We spent some time installing voice-to-text and text-to-voice features, as well as trying to edit the options so that she would be able to use it without discomfort.

As she began to learn how to use the features, I could almost see the hope building in her eyes. The tablet, and software, had not been cheap and I had been saving in order to manage it, but I felt repaid just seeing the happiness on Cassie's face. She apparently did not feel that to be an acceptable form of payment because she rewarded me with a night of the most selfless sex I could imagine.

As we lay, her on top of me, slowly catching our breaths after what she referred to as the 'third downpayment', I was struck by a melancholy thought. That bout of emotional and selfless fucking I had just experienced was purely commercial. I had purchased her something she needed, and she had repaid me with the only coin that she had available. She was a whore again. I did not sleep that night, wishing that she had simply told me thank you for the tablet, that I could do the evening over again.

That was the last time that we had sex. I continued to tutor and support Cassie, but I refused all of her advances. In the end, the only solution that I could find was to move back out onto the couch.

Mel gave me a strange look the first morning that she found me back out there. Thankfully, she didn't say a word.

*****

I began to date. Well, at first I only tried to date. The gist of the process I understood, but the specifics continued to elude me. I pushed through it, asking girls out whether I had caught any type of signal from them or not, and whether it was the right time or not, because I really had no idea on either point.

Eventually someone made the mistake of saying yes. She was tall, taller than me, and a little awkward but that was ok, so was I. The evening consisted of some of the most painful conversation I have ever experienced, but we both pushed through it.

I did not ask her to a second date; she would not have said yes.

The second girl who said yes was blind. I know there's a joke to be made there, but to be honest, it's disrespectful... and also a little hurtful to me. That dinner was in some ways even worse, I did not know how to act around someone who is blind, but at least she laughed at one of my jokes so I considered it progress.

The number she gave me at the end of the night was fake, but the really sad part was that we worked at the same school. She couldn't exactly hide from me, but she did it anyway. I found that revelation to be a little soul-crushing.

It continued on like that for a few months. None of the women I dated were in the same ballpark as Cassie and Mel, but that was OK, neither was I. The two of them had began to act as a sort of pantheon for me. The untouchable goddesses.

Yes, I know I could 'touch' Cassie, but I couldn't ever really have her the way that I wanted.

Chapter 11

The change came as quickly as my progress the last few months had been slow. I walked into the living room after work and Mel was sitting on the floor by the couch, bawling. Cassie was in the kitchen, avoiding her, I think.

I slid down next to Mel and took her hand. By now, I was practiced at this art of calming her down, and I think I was pretty good at it.

"Fluffers died." That was all she said. Fluffers had been the name of the cat.

The rest of my evening was spent holding a disconsolate Mel who was clinging on to me for comfort. From time to time, Cassie would walk into the room with a sad look on her face before leaving again. I assumed that she was missing Fluffers as well. After all, the three pets had taken quite a liking to her.

Mel finally became tired and Cassie and I were able to successfully put her to bed.

Afterwards, she sat down next to me on the couch, still with that same sad look.

"Ray, is our agreement over?"

I thought it was obvious that it was, but I had never actually said it. That would have been too final.

"I think so, Cassie. Or at least the sex part of it, you don't need to worry about taking care of me any more. If you don't mind keeping up with the cooking and housework that would be nice. I'll keep tutoring you of course." Her reading had advanced more quickly than I had expected.