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Click here"We need to talk," Arrax said, looking at them all, "I am Arrax, an old fighter known to Shaevre. Are you Azrael? Who are these others?"
Shaevre looked for a place on the opposite hillside which looked to the south and would receive the most of the sun's warmth. She carefully sighted on it and one after another, she sent two of her remaining missiles there before switching the meg off and taking it off to set it down.
"Why did you do that?" Cha'Khah asked after getting over her surprise.
"The ground here is frozen hard," Shaevre shrugged, "Faith needs a place to rest. I will dig out the rest with my hands."
The quiet conference in the snow took most of the next hour with Dahlgren stepping away to help as Shaevre laid Faith to rest. After a few moments, he walked back up the slope with the tracks of his tears evident. He rejoined the others and he listened. When it was over, they stood with him at the grave for a time.
Before Arrax left to rejoin Xhan and begin his reports concerning the failed search for Nahl'een, Shaevre pulled him aside for a quiet and earnest conversation.
To the Merren machinery later that evening, he presented an ashen face, and asked his Xer masters to be relieved of his duties. He vowed to remain here in retirement, using his own resources to continue the search. The missing Xer were reported, but with little in the way of infrastructure on the ground anymore, it was decided to list them as missing and presumed dead in an altercation with the insane ambassador. The Merren concurred, preferring to close the unsavory chapter. Their only interest was in their missing Ranger and his adopted daughter, and Arrax indicated that he would make reports on what he found. A proper Merren search now with no Xer support would be tremendously expensive.
With the assistance of his uncle, Xhan was offered a command in the Xer Expeditionary Brigades and made ready to leave on the cusp of a career that he now felt ready to begin.
------------------------
The thirty-ton doors opened slowly and Azrael stepped through with Faith, followed by Dahlgren and the two Drow, all carrying what Xer hardware that Shaevre had gathered from the bodies and indicated was valuable to her. Selena stood with the young ones, holding Nahl'een close and willing that two more might pass through the doors before they swung shut once more.
They were all obviously tired from the way that they set down the hardware in a few piles. Selena stared at what was there, recognizing pieces which looked as though they'd come from the weapon that Shaevre had coveted so much.
"Why bring this back?" she asked as she struggled to hold back her tears, "None of us can use this. Most of us can't even pick it up."
"Shaevre asked that we bring it back," Azrael said.
"But, ..." Nahl'een whispered, "Shaevre, where is Shaevre?"
"She's back there a little. Even the Xer get tired. She's had a hell of a day. She's coming." Azrael said as Dahlgren walked away.
Just then, Shaevre stepped through the doors and the massive monoliths began their slow excursions back to their closed positions. The Xer stepped forward and slipped Meg's harness from her shoulders to set it down on the floor with a soft thud. She straightened up to stretch the kinks out of her back. She felt like dirt and she knew that she looked --
Nahl'een and Selena flew at her, hugging her with bright tears of relief in their eyes. Shaevre was surprised for a moment and then she embraced them listening to Selena sob against her.
"It's alright," she smiled a little, looking at them, "I lived."
Selena pulled away and looked as though she still wasn't sure, but after a moment, she pulled herself up higher on Shaevre and she kissed her with everything that she had.
The others were a little shocked, but it only lasted a moment. "You're all dirty," Nahl'een laughed.
Selena stared then, "You're hurt!"
Shaevre grimaced as she reached to pluck a bit of shrapnel from her thigh, nodding, "Just a little. I got off pretty lightly. I keep finding more of bits working out of me every once in a while. Ny'Zeille is dead. She was with a team of Xer -- the others from the house. They're dead too."
"You should have seen our warrior girl back there," Cha'Khah laughed softly, "I have always heard that I am grim in a fight. I have never seen anything like that, this way of fighting that you have."
She turned to the others, "Their weapons spit death to each other. Meg screams and the pieces fly everywhere. Smoke that stings the eyes hangs in the air and trees fall; wood and bark fly about, and through the middle of it walks mighty Shaevre, her face truly grim as she walks in the face of it and brings death to those she hunts. She fears nothing. She -- "
"Where were you to have seen that?" Shaevre smirked, "It sounds better than the place where I spent the midday. Thank you all again for your help at the end. If you had not gotten there, I would not be here to make faces as I pull out these little pieces of metal in me. Don't be too quick with your praise. Those Xer were not fighters, as they learned at last, I guess. If they had been other Death hounds, I would still be there fighting, if I was even still alive. Everything that I had was not enough to do more against Ny'Zeille than to keep rocking her back on her heels for only moments each time. Sooner or later, I would have run out of tricks and then ..."
She smiled, "But it was not me today and I am happy for that. I need to wash this smoke and blood and mud from my fur. We met Arrax and he gave me more combat rations for Azrael to enjoy at dinner." Cha'Khah saw Nahl'een look around and she knew what would be asked next, so she pulled Nahl'een and Selena toward her as she bent a little for the girl.
"This was not a victory without cost," she said, "Faith did the most, but her efforts were too much for her and she passed. I know that she was not in your life for very long, little one, but she loved you and your father grieves now." She watched as Nahl'een's mouth opened and she pulled her close, "You should go to him."
Selena picked Nahl'een up and saw that Faith had left her mark on her little sister in such a short time. The loss of her grandmother over her inexplicable madness to the child's view, combined with finding someone who wanted to be as a mother to her before she'd even met her, only to lose that one after two days caused her to hug Selena tightly as she began to cry. Selena stood for a time comforting Nahl'een and she carried her to Dahlgren.
"She's right back where she started," Selena said to Cha'Khah quietly as she stood with the Drow and Shaevre as they watched the pair.
"No," Shaevre said, "She has lost, but she still has you, and she still has the others. You will need to be as her mother for a time. Dahlgren is as ready to be her father as he always was, but a little help would be good for everyone, I think."
She looked around, "I will help with the meal. First, I need a hot bath more than anything. Having a meg is a thing about love and hate. When you need one, you love her with all of your heart, but then you must carry her everywhere and it turns back to hate then."
- COMMENTS
Kayakbabealmost 8 years agoSo did Azreal dig up Faith, or did they think she was dead but wasn't? Why did Azreal carry Faith in if they already buried her. This has been the first continuity error so far but it is a very jarring one.
superfeluously_eover 9 years agoI figured someone would die. Though the death was not really explained that well...
I'm only complaining because it's a fantastic story and I want everyone to live.
Anonymousover 10 years agoThis story is really good! Thanks for writing it.
The 2 "gods" showing up... not 2 minutes before the end or 10 minutes after the fight. But just as it ends. If I was Dahl Id tell em to F off, they obviously arrived when they meant to. Feels to me like they had no intention of getting involved until after the fight.
ELLIMISTalmost 11 years agoI also went back after rearing once to see if i mistakenly read it wrong, but Faith is dead. I've been expecting her to die since what was previously said by taltos6 and as much as i hate it it looks like Selena might end up with Dahlgren at this rate. Well if that will get her her full powers unleashed then i'll suck it up lol. Anyways i really hope she dont become a rebound it just doesnt go with me
Anonymousabout 11 years agoThe thirty-ton doors opened slowly and Azrael stepped through with Faith, followed by Dahlgren and the two Drow
Faith already dead
PrincessJezebelabout 11 years agoNO CENTRAL "BAD GUY??!!" What the hell do you think the red demons who are wreaking havoc on people all over the planet are? A subplot? And how about the asshole vampire in lozengellis (very cute, by the way) who brought them here?
The fact that there is no ONE "bad guy" in the story organizing and directing the "forces of evil" only makes the story more realistic and more interesting in my view. The presence of a number of different malevolent characters/groups adds to the chaos and randomness of the events of the story, which I believe is a strong point in its favor. That is exactly what I would expect to happen on a postapocalyptic Earth..
Shit happens--sometimes randomly, sometimes moving us toward a greater purpose. I was horrified when the story of Monnie and the boys didn't work out as expected. And yet, it seems to have put Billy/Ayt'han in a position to find love with Beyl'eth and Yuan.
For my part, I will continue to read to find out how all these characters come together in the end. Maybe they won't. I'm willing to keep reading to find out. I got hooked into the stories of Azrael/Rachel and Dalhgren/Selena to begin with, and I confess I skipped ahead, trying to find out what happened to them. But it soon became clear that new characters were popping up that I had missed the introductions of, so I went back and started again from the beginning. Now it makes much more sense to me how the threads are beginning to weave together. And I became addicted to the stories of the Dragon Clan and the Djinn as well.
I do agree a bit about the dialog, but my criticism is different from Anonymous above. I'm guessing that he is male, and therefore doesn't like a lot of dialog, especially between women, that we female readers tend to like. Not a criticism of Anonymous's point of view--simply an observation of a perceived difference.
My problem with the dialog is that I feel we are sometimes being beaten over the head with the themes of "I've never had a friend before," "I am the last of my kind," and "I never thought I'd find someone to love." I understand that these are overriding messages of the story. I get it. I don't need to be reminded every time two (or more) characters meet each other. For me, I would have preferred that those ideas be presented with a bit more subtelty. On the other hand, from reading the comments and finding that many people are having trouble following the story, I guess maybe they need the reminder. This could also be true for those who have skipped around the chapters to attempt to follow one story.
My other (hopefully) constructive criticism is one that I have of many stories on Lit. I am one of those dreaded "grammar nazis" who find all the mistakes in the writing, and you have made plenty. If your story was finished, I wouldn't bother to make these comments, but since you are still submitting chapters, I hope this might help you.
There are many places, for example, where you have switched from "have" (present tense) to "has" (past tense) in the same sentence, as well as many places where there are missing words (the, and, of, etc.), or words in the wrong order ("She picked up rock the.....") You don't punctuate dialog correctly and often don't use "he said/she asked" with quotes. This practice is perfectly acceptable, but there are times that I truly can't tell which character is speaking a line. Punctuating dialog correctly also breaks up paragraphs so that you don't have so many long blocks of text. This makes it easier for readers. And finally, the blooper in this chapter that you have mentioned yourself (having Faith walk in when Faith was already dead) shows that you are just not proofreading carefully enough before submitting.
I have seen too many writers make these mistakes when they are in a rush to submit, usually because their READERS are clamoring for more ASAP. Don't do it, please? I know other readers will disagree with me, and I do have the advantage that I only started the story a week ago, so I have only just finished this chapter, and have a long way to go before I will be one of those waiting for the next chapter to be submitted. But I would always choose an extra day or two wait for a chapter over a hastily submitted chapter with lots of mistakes.
Many readers AND writers on this site have voiced the opinion that since these stories are written by unpaid amateurs, they shouldn't be held to the same standards of writing that apply to purchased books. I DON'T BUY IT. In my view, If you are going to submit something for people to read, you ought to make every effort to make sure your writing is clear and correct.
You would benefit greatly from having an editor/proofreader look over your chapters before submitting. There are a large number of Volunteer Editors listed under Resources on the main Lit page, although I have found that many writers using these editors still have mistakes in their stories. Perhaps you have a friend or relative who writes very well or has a degree in English who could help you. Even just another set of eyes without any special expertise can often catch the little mistakes.
Best of luck with the story, and I hope this helps.
Jez
P.S. I read over this comment 4 times, and found small mistakes each time, which I corrected. Even "know-it-alls" like me need to proofread! :)
JohnSpiritWolfover 11 years agoJust so that you know my friend... You did a magnificent job of describing it... If the other readers didn't catch on then that is their problem... I just wanted you to know that you did describe everything quite well, and I for one understood what you were saying...
Bright Blessings to You & Yours
cittranover 11 years agoI hate that you killed off Faith...
but I also understand why you did it, and I probably would have made a similar decision. (Though I'm not sure if I would've killed her off, SOMEBODY on the side of good would've kicked the bucket.)
Anonymousover 11 years agoWell done! Have you considered writing professionally?
Both sides lose in a real fight. Sad as it is to lose Faith, it is a much needed reminder that war is hell, that innocent children are the ones who suffer for the stupidity of adults.
Dahlgren and Faith show us that old enemies can become friends. Ny'Zeille shows us that continuing to treat old enemies as new enemies merely ensures another round of misery for all.
A fantasy story, perhaps, but fantasy is an excellent platform for reminding us what is important in the real world.
TaLtos6over 11 years agoAuthor"We have regret," she said, "we were far from here when this began. Even for me, there is a little time needed to travel."
Sorry for the confusion. The gods in this didn't show up until after it was about done.
In terms of power, Cha'Khah and even Vadren aren't even players against Ny'Zeille. While the abilities of the others in this are considerable, they are not as sweeping as hers. Only Faith had what was needed to put her down, and even the Merren didn't know why she did. Dahlgren could have done it and did, but he's her son and would have always hesitated. Arrax could do it, but that would create a diplomatic furor and he wouldn't have gotten away without being seriously harmed himself.
If you've followed this, high order Merren fear the appearance of a Crowned One. They fear nothing else, and though she was consumed by whatever was wrong with her, she was an Exalted One and would sit on the High Council herself - when she wasn't visiting Dahlgren and Nahl'een or being the Esteemed Ambassador. Her voice would have been one of those coming out of the little idols. Why did she have to die? I dunno, she's power-mad, and position is important enough to her to want to kill her son's bride, and she wasn't above doing him hurt if he got in her way.
~shrug~ I guess I should have made it more plain. If she had found Nahl'een, only her and Nahl'een would have been alive at the end of it. She'd kill the rest without a thought and moan about how "unstable" Dahlgren had become.
So, since it's a fairy tale, the whole thing is as contrived as any other. But since it's caused confusion, then to me that means that I didn't spell it all out clearly enough.
