All Comments on 'A Blind Date'

And these first person present stories are very difficult for a dummy like me to follow.

You started the story in one tense, and switched to another. (I won't coddle you through it, if you attempted to write it, then you are able to research to learn more about your mistakes and improve your writing.) You never want to do that, it gives the reader a false sense of expectation. Also, try to avoid over using some words. Even in the tense that became prominent, there are times that "you" was used that it was not needed. It would have created a better flow for the story.

EVERY SENTENCE HAD AN EXCLAMATION POINT! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE EVERY SENTENCE END WITH AN EXCLAMATION POINT UNLESS IT IS INTENDED LIKE HERE! You also switch tenses, and such. Please work on your writing, especially your grammar.

The story line has good promise for a great story. I didn't like how the story jumped right through the introductory visuals; I didn't know much of anything about the physical, emotional, or mental state of the characters. Also, by refering to the sister as though you were talking to her, this interupts the flow of the story by causing self evaluation at every turn. Keep editing your story, I hope to come back and see how the story changes.

I liked the idea of it but you started off a little too fast and then you ended it the same way. The next time you write a story, you need a little more detail and little more feeling. But other than that it was ok.

First person stories (especially addressed to the reader, as in "You") always come off sounding too much like wishful thinking. Granted this story IS wishful thinking but its much better to go from the third person point of view, which honestly actually helps make this kind of story easier to believe. It would also be good to slow down a bit...dont be afraid to draw out the story a little bit. Show some surprise from the sister, have a little hesitation on both their parts. Are they worried about getting caught? Obviously its something you've wanted for a while but what about her? Flesh out the story with some genuine feeling.

Your writing is too much like so many 'fuck and suck' stories. The idea is somewhat special. Rework it and give it a more special "sibling" quality. Add a little love into the sex mix. The lust will be more exciting if the fantasies have been shared as 'dreams' for a period of time. There is a need for character development with both mental and physical attributes. Good luck in the future.

quit reading half way through because got so annoyed...

whoever "edited" this is pretty bad!

too many !'s and a ton of misspellings

fffffffuck you (:

I'm not going to say it's the worst story I've ever read... because that would be a lie. but it certainly isn't the greatest either. It was far too cliche and there was absolutly no foreplay. It moved way too fast and just felt very awkward. I hope your next try is better... if nothing else, the plot was mildly interesting.

And this is coming from a guy, i didn't even get past the mall before i quit on this story, no way would a girl just decide "hey so what if its my bro ive been paired with i'll just suck him off in the middle of this very public place" about as believable as the pope having a season ticket at ibrox stadium. Two words, foreplay and dialogue, thats what makes stories believable, you might want to pass these comments onto your "editor"

And this is coming from a guy, i didn't even get past the mall before i quit on this story, no way would a girl just decide "hey so what if its my bro ive been paired with i'll just suck him off in the middle of this very public place" about as believable as the pope having a season ticket at ibrox stadium. Two words, foreplay and dialogue, thats what makes stories believable, you might want to pass these comments onto your "editor" And is it just me or does this guy's lack of spelling skills even extend to his screen name, sexystroyguy? Should it not read sexystoryguy or did someone already have that in which case there must be a serious lack of imagination which is i suppose evident in the story

Were you actually trying on this one? Cause it sucked. I'm just saying.

hey not to be too negative, but it could use some beefing up in length and some realistic character added to it, because to be honest its got to have some realism in it for people yo keep reading. if you need help you should go to the top list of this categort and see how they have done it,to help you improve,

I'll never understand why a write would use "you" like they are trying to bring the reader into it. It never works. Just tell a good story so we can get off use the sisters name and make it about 3x longer good idea crappy result.

Actually, i like the blind date idea. But this is shit, like a sister would give her brother a blowjob because the got to meet as dates on a blind date by mistake. Create something erotic before you start off with the sex shit. I wanna read something realististic with incest that seems to be quite really happening. You are conscious about the background but messed with the substance. Take care and take it slow next time. No offense.

my sis gives me blowjobs i ate her pusyy after 5 guys fucked her, my freinds i ate all there cum out then i fucked her she preg now 7 monthes she been married 7 years

this was so hot, why the fuck am i am only child Xx

it was good.

... too many exclamation points though

The over use of Exclamation points killed it for me. As well as the misspelled words and lack of proper grammar. Good try I guess.