A Christmas Wish

I made my way out of the store with all my packages and started walking down the street trying to figure out what I should buy for my sister. I was so lost in thought that I wasn't watching where I was going and smacked right into another holiday shopper.

"Oh! Oh my god, I'm so sorry," I said breathlessly. My cheeks were flaming with embarrassment.

"Hi Val," said my victim.

It was Spencer. I felt the color drain from my face for a moment, as though I hadn't seen him in years instead of a couple of days, and then the blood rushed right back into my face and I flushed with hot anger.

"Where the hell have you been that you haven't called or emailed me back?" I said angrily.

He put his hands up and said, "Whoa whoa, take it easy. I haven't been anywhere."

That made it worse. "If you haven't been anywhere then you've had time to respond. Why haven't you?" I could feel my blood beginning to boil.

He looked at me for a moment, and then said, "I'm sorry. I needed time to think."

I backed off. "And...?" I said, not daring to hope that he'd realized he felt the same about me as I did about him.

"I just don't know," he answered.

My heart fell into my shoes. "Why not?" I asked, trying once again to keep my voice from trembling.

"Because we have a really good thing going in our friendship. How can we be certain that taking it further won't ruin it? How do we know it's not already ruined?"

I shrugged and said, "Because if you would just get a handle on your feelings this friendship could become something incredibly beautiful. Instead, you want to hem and haw instead of just going with what you feel."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I wished I could take them back because I knew as well as anyone that feelings weren't that simple. People don't always know what they're feeling, and because of that they can't always just go with the flow. I knew that, and yet I was expecting from Spencer something I couldn't realistically even expect from myself.

His eyes darkened and he said, "Because you know it's not that simple. I'm confused, Val. I need time. I don't even know if I'm ready for the type of commitment that falling in love dictates. I don't know that I want to be in love, with you or anybody."

I didn't say anything for a moment. I took a deep breath, tried to compose myself, and then said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"I know," he said quietly. "But can't we just go back to being friends, pretend like nothing happened?"

I replied with, "Is there no chance that we can be together?"

He got frustrated again and said, "I don't know! That's what I've been trying to say. I...don't...know. Okay?" And with that, he turned around and walked away, leaving me standing on the sidewalk trying to stem the tide of tears that threatened once again.

Slowly, I turned and walked away, feeling more rejected than I ever had in my life. Shopping no longer held any attraction for me, all I wanted to do was go home and go back to bed. As I walked slowly towards the train station, snowflakes began to fall, turning the atmosphere to a gray haze that fit my mood perfectly.

During the next two weeks I forced myself through work and my daily routine. I knew that I couldn't succumb to the utter depression that I was experiencing over Spencer's rejection. But often I wondered if maybe I wasn't taking this harder than I really needed to. After all, there was no reason we couldn't be friends even after what had happened to us. But still...

I couldn't reconcile what I felt for him with the utter despair I was feeling now. Love wasn't supposed to hurt, and I didn't know why I was this hurt. Was I mourning the loss of our friendship? Was it possible he was right, that we could no longer be friends after what happened? Was our friendship ruined by it?

These were the questions that I was pondering one night while an old Christmas movie played on the television. It was the third such Christmas movie I'd sat through without seeing this week. Now it was Christmas Eve and the looming holiday just didn't have any joy for me, not since Spencer had disappeared from my life. It was an old story; I didn't know just what I had until it was gone, and so I didn't realize just how much a part of my life Spencer was until he was gone. But was he gone? I couldn't tell. He needed time, sure, but...two weeks?

My mind was going in circles over these things when I heard a knock at my door. I ignored it, thinking it was my nosy neighbor wanting to know what my latest crisis was so she could gossip about it to all her friends. I heard the knock again and knew she wasn't going to go away anytime soon, so I dragged my blue satin pajama-clad butt up off the sofa and went over the door, vaguely noting that it was again snowing outside.

I opened the door and started to say, "Sheree, now is not the time," but I stopped cold as I saw that it wasn't Sheree at all, but Spencer. He was wearing his brown leather coat and a black scarf, and his hair and shoulders were sprinkled with snowflakes. I couldn't do much more than stare.

Finally, he said, "Hi."

I nodded and said, "Hi."

He looked around nervously for a moment and then said, "May I come in?"

I swung the door all the way open by way of an invitation and turned to go back to the sofa. It clicked closed behind me as I sat down, and Spencer walked over and sat down next to me. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, just to stop the awkwardness between us when he picked up the remote and turned off the television, then the light on the table beside him. One more time, we found ourselves bathed only in the lights from my Christmas tree.

He put a hand in his pocket and withdrew a tiny box wrapped in gold Christmas paper, and handed it to me. "Merry Christmas," he said softly.

I stared at it, not sure what I should do. I hadn't been able to get anything for him at all; every time I thought about shopping for him I started to cry. Which was what my emotions were threatening now, but these were tears of a different sort.

Slowly, I took the gold-clad box from him and tore off the paper. Inside was a blue velvet jewelry box, and when I lifted the lid I saw a single, glittering princess-cut diamond set in either a platinum or white gold band. I couldn't speak at all. I tilted the box from side to side, watching the diamond burn with its tiny internal flames that were made that much more brilliant by the colors already in the Christmas lights.

When I found my voice again, I whispered, "Wow. Just...wow. What...what is this?"

He said, "I saw it when I was looking for a pair of earrings for my mother, and my first thought was of you."

"And so you bought it for me?" I was breathless and my throat ached with unshed tears.

He nodded. "When my first thought at seeing a pretty ring was of you, I just knew." He paused for a moment, then went on. "I haven't seen or heard from you in two weeks, and at that moment I realized just how much I missed you, how much I...loved...you."

I looked up at him quickly. "I...say that again." I pleaded with him silently to confirm what he'd just said.

"I love you. I love you more than anything. It took me a long time to realize that, but...I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered as the tears overflowed. "And the ring?" My voice was high-pitched and shaky.

"It's only part of your present." He took the box from my hand and pulled the ring out. Taking my left hand in his, he slipped the ring on my finger and said, "Will you marry me?"

My body trembled as I whispered the answer he wanted to hear. "Yes."

Then the tears spilled over and Spencer took me in his arms. He brushed the tears from my face and said, "I'm so sorry about all of this. So sorry, Val. Forgive me?"

I laughed through my tears and nodded. "Yes! Yes yes yes." I laughed some more.

He smiled and brought his lips to mine. I kissed him back, tentatively at first, then more fervently as my passion for him once again took over. I placed a hand at the back of his neck, where I stroked his hair, and my other arm went around his chest. I pulled him into me as tightly as I could, and I was crushed against him as he wrapped his arms around me and returned the embrace. His lips left mine and he began tracing frantic little circles of kisses over my cheeks, my neck, my hair, and as he did so I tilted my head back and moaned with the pleasure and the emotion that I was feeling.

He pulled me on top of him and ran his hands underneath my pajama top. He cupped each of my breasts in his hands and massaged gently, causing my nipples to get hard and start burning with a desire that I hadn't felt in a long time. I needed his lips on my nipples, on my breasts, on my skin. I pushed his head downward toward my chest and he buried his face in the warm valley between my breasts, while teasing my nipples with his fingers. I gasped at the incredible, nearly ticklish sensation I felt. I could feel the pressure of arousal in my clit and my juices were flowing to their max...now I needed to make love to him. Right now.

I knelt up and started to pull my pajama pants down, but he caught my hands and pushed them away. He stood up and picked me up in his arms, and together we went towards the bedroom. He lay me down gently on the bed, on my side, and he spooned up behind me, one arm sliding underneath the pillow under my head, the other around me and cupping my breast. He massaged lightly and delicately at first, then moved his hand to the buttons on my pajama top and began undoing those. I wriggled out of my top and turned to face him but he put a hand on my shoulder and pushed me back to where I was.

"Stay this way," he whispered softly. His lips caressed my shoulders, my neck, and my back as his left arm caressed my breasts and my stomach. I had goosebumps from his touch, and when he took one of my nipples between two fingers I moaned slightly, my nipple tingling with pleasure.

He began working my pants and panties off of me, and I lifted my hips to help him along. Once they were off he took his own clothes off, not wanting me to move, and then pressed his naked body up against my back as hard as he could. I felt the heat from his erection and the drop of pre-cum that had formed at the tip, and he rubbed his hardness against my back and moaned with utter pleasure.

I reached down and began rubbing my clit as he slid his hard, throbbing cock between my legs and into my waiting abyss. I arched my back as I felt his incredible cock fill me up and I rubbed my throbbing, aching clit harder as the pleasures mounted within me. Soon Spencer pulled my hand away and began teasing me by rubbing my clit very lightly, driving me nearly insane with the intensity of it. I thrust back into him as he thrust his cock deep into me, over and over again.

I felt myself reaching the brink of orgasm and he must have known it, because he continued to tease me in a way that kept me right on the edge, but never quite going over. My moans were getting louder and turning to cries of passion and I reached down and pressed his finger hard on my swollen knob, which sent me over the edge into one of the most intense orgasms I had ever had.

At that moment he pulled his hand away and grabbed my hip hard, and I felt him filling me up with his cum, and shuddering against me with each shot. My own orgasm had not subsided and I also shuddered against him, my own finger on my clit, pressing and releasing in time with my throbbing. And when our orgasms finally did subside, he slipped out of me and once again wrapped his arms around me, and we stayed like that, not speaking, knowing that no words were needed.

After awhile, he did speak, and he said, "What should we do now?"

I rolled over and propped myself up on one elbow and said, "Make love all over again?"

He smiled, and pulled me to him.