by dapi
Where the revenge came in
How he didn't recognize her at all, at all, at any time during the proceedings.
Why she was doing this in the first place. For what was she getting revenge?
And if it was for infidelity, the sperm DNA when produced will be with hers!! ergo he was not unfaithful doing it with her.
And Why Japan? Novel, I'll grant you but is there a cultural reason?
Kilroy
but a set up and entrapment rings several bells. TK U MLJ LV NV
What the fuck was the point in that, FAR too many holes to call that a story, there is no real plot.
your earlier story 'Alter'd Ego.' That was good, this one will be fine - but only if it's the opening episode of a complete story.
I didn't really remember the earlier chapters, so this short bit didn't make any sense. Maybe you should publish your stuff in bigger sections, or give a brief summary of previous stories. Wait to long with the installments, and the stories are served cold too.
Is a variation on 'altered ego'....in that one it appeared that erica and hubby were playing at seduction...this one it seems more like catching her husband as a philanderer by making herself the bait,recording it and nailing him.
I enjoy your writing, but for me at least, I need more background to connect with your characters. As another commenter noted, we do not know why she decided to do what she is doing and why in Japan. Also, how does it become revenge when she is having sex with her cheating husband? What other options did she consider? What does she do now to close the loop?
Deja vu all over again. Except at the end, she doesn't out herself!
The story lacks logic character development and description and little emotion. It seems to be more of an outline than a story. There are too many pieces of the puzzle missing to draw any conclusion.
Well, the concept is novel, but the execution could've been handled much better. The lack of character development, and not translating the Japanese parts into English for those of us who can't read Japanese words using English letters hurt the tale a bit. Also, both of your tales could have been fleshed out better in order to give the characters more depth than you gave them. As is, they are 2 dimensional in some parts, but 1 dimensional the rest of the time.
Next time, I suggest writing more background to your characters and at least try to make them sympathetic. In spite of Hubby cheating on Wifey, I just couldn't feel much sympathy for her.
As was stated by another commenter here, in the first tale they seemed to be playing a seduction game, while here it seems that the wife wants revenge on her cheating husband. This one didn't fit with the first one.
2 Stars. Just didn't enjoy it.
That is how you write a critique without insulting the author. See the difference?
Like he wouldn't recognize her face, her voice or her body? Just how dumb was this guy? Awful story. And unfinished to boot.
so good. You can bet if the asshole of Lit, dear annony hates it the story is really good. I gave you a 5
Not only was this as stupid as hell JUST WHERE IN THE HELL WAS THE REVENGE ? she changed her appearance just to fuck her own husband wtf. quit writing.
I don't speak or understand Japanese, so maybe I missed the plot of the story. other wise it didn't make sense to me. Why was she going through so much expense in having recorders, videos. learning Japanese, hiring people or security and a total makeover of her face just to sleep with her husband? Unless this guy is an idiot. but it's not hard to notice the color of her skin as soon as she's naked. Or is this some kind of game rich people play? I don't know. But why would anybody think he wouldn't have been able to tell that was his wife? maybe some way down the line you might explain what game this is, At first I thought it might be some kind of revenge story. but she slept with her husband, where was the revenge? Divorce? I don't think the courts will grant a divorce for sleeping with your wife. So why all the electronics also? Maybe I should have read the other comments to see if someone could enlight me as to what this story was about. Didn't make sense at all to me.
Her husband is cheating? They live in Japan? Are they US citizens? Why would she turn herself into a whore for revenge? Now she has cheated too. That makes no sense. If she rubs it in her husband face, she's as guilty as he may(?) be. Way too many questions in this mess.
1 star
You can change your appearance but you can’t change moles or birth marks. You can’t change your voice and you can’t change the look of your pussy and breasts! This idea that a long term wife can fool her husband into thinking that she isn’t his wife is bullshit!