All Comments on 'A Family in Turmoil Ch. 01'

I suspected when Jake's brother called and spoke about Veronica that she must be Alice. As always, I'll be interested in what you do with the scenario you created.

Boyd

I have no comment, except great beginning, excellent writing, fantastic imagination, superb plot; maybe I’ll have a comment after chapter two. A fan always.

Condom? No condom? Ah what difference does it make?

Great start, well done and very interesting.

He should just tell her parents the pregnancy was an accident - then tell his brother that she took advantage of him and his 3 room mates after they had been drinking - then tell his parents she wouldn't use a condum as she wanted to get pregnant or

or He could just shoot himself out back!

Somehow I think you may handle this in some other less plausible way - Right?

More imagination please - great stuff as usual - with High Regard

beginning and cliff hanger ending on a story. Your work always draws me, leaves me hanging and makes me want to strangle you for not giving me more..lol. Fantastic work. But I also suspected when he got the phone call. It was like watching a train wreck until she showed up from the bathroom. Great start.

Your putting this family through the mill. I think they'll all going to finish up at the funny farm.

Liked the start. Where do we go from here? I can see several different scenarios. None of them very good for the protagonists.

DC

DG It doesn't get any better. Great sex, suspense and who knows where you are going. I know better than to guess. Sure hope you hurry with ch. 2.

An avid fan

Wow what a great start. She is in love with bith brothers, can't wait for the rest

You are one of the more intresting writers.

I normally don't submit a comment on first chapters of stories, because sometimes I hate the first chapter and love the rest, or I love the first chapter and hate the end, or worse I don't like any of it. But normally I wait.

Having said that, I wanted to say this is a good story. But I'm more intrested in what comes next. I see a lot of questions from me that I'm curious how you let it play out.

Does the older brother, who said he loves his younger brother more than anything, prove that and tell him about what he did with his brothers girlfriend? Does she do it? Does he love the older brother more? Does younger brother handle it well? Is the girlfriend pregnant? Does the older brother let him believe its the younger brother's?

Lot's more questions, but mainly I'm curious how you take a gripping story and make it a fantastic one.

As soon as I clicked on the link to open the second part of this, I knew Veronica is Alice, which I'm sorry is more than a little trite.

Thanks for the comments so far. This story could go anywhere. Some of you will have guessed right, others will have guessed wrong. It's just part of the story. For anyone who follows my writing knows that the obvious does not always happen. If it does then consider yourself a good guesser. Chapter 2 is submitted. Hopefully it might be out tomorrow. Now that is just a guess. Sometimes I guess right, sometimes I guess wrong.

Anyway thanks for reading and commenting on my stories.

DG Hear

How much can one family stand. Good beginning. I'm sure that one our your usual twists is in their future.

Well, maybe David will share after they get married??

What's mine is yours, bro.

No, I don't think so.

They're both infatuated and in love with the sex. Sounds like whichever one can offer her the best companionship will win the nooky prize.

Thank Goodness it is just a story. I think it will be a tragedy whatever happens, I hope not.

Last wording (Sad Love Story)

"I would've done anything for you,

To show you how much I adored you,

But it's over now

It's too late to save our love"

saw this one coming down the track a mile off , with the whistle blowing all the way.

i think if the description of the story on the Authors profile was changed ,

this would add to the reading experience.

ch.01 " What happened to my girlfriend?"

ch.02 "Problems between two brothers and one girl"

does sort of signpost the plot , & then the lack of surprise when events unfold

lessens the effect.

still .

bloody good story , exquisitely written , captivated from start 2 finish

voted 5 star.

.

The story is decent. Well written compared to the regular trash on this site. But, do you think it could have been any more predictable and anti-climatic?

thanks for the offering.

Can we say awkward ??? 5*

Both brothers fall in love with the same girl that quickly. That just doesn't happen.

But it's been a long time. I don't know where this is going, but at least for now, Jake has to step aside, she's his brother's girlfriend!

If she decides to break up with Dave, MAYBE, but IMHO it's simply too awkward. She has to realize that if she dumps Dave she can't have Jake either.

She had no business fucking Jake. While she and Dave may not have been formally exclusive, they were serious enough to be meeting each other's families, that should preclude having sex with anyone else!

She's only had sex with each of them once, the time with David was her losing her virginity, which is/can be awkward, and Jake is older and more experienced. If she REALLY can't forget about Jake AND be with David, she has to break up with David, but NOT go to Jake. MAYBE in a few years, when David has hopefully found someone else, they can "find" each other again, and even then it might throw the family for a loop.

I had forgotten about the pregnancy, but two people don't just "fall in love" that quickly. MAYBE one or the other gets infatuated with the other, but they BOTH are so in love after one meeting? Don't think so.

It's almost as bad as the story about the wife who fell in love with her husband's twin sister! At least there, they had time, and were together a lot before they decided they were in love, and the ex-husband wouldn't have anything to do with his sister for I think it was YEARS, yet here the brother is his Best Man? NFW!

Tough one. Shes not a bad girl per say, but she obviously doesnt need to be with either brother. Jake shouldnt want her after she cheated on his brother, than again, since she had a boyfriend he never should have slept with her to begin with. Ive always lived by that myself. I wont interfere in another mans relationship. If I had feelings like what was expressed here for this woman that jake had id have given her my number and said as soon as she dealt with her boyfriend and was free...give me a call. Ive missed out on pussy for such, but theres always plenty of pussy. If im looking for the one, i wouldnt want it to be a cheating affair. Js

Think about it she has sex once, and 3 days later she cant wait to fuck anyone she meets

Figured it out when David called Jake and asked him to come meet his girlfriend. Still, the story is enjoyable so far. I wonder how David is going to measure up to Jake after Veronica's night with him? It's not looking good for either brother. There should be no judgements of Veronica. She just met both men and has no committed relationship with either one.

Alice screws her long time boyfriend for the first time then a week later she has an affair with a stranger while away from boyfriend. Alice was a slut!

She said she was not a slut. But, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck………

Wow... that would be genuinely awful. Wondering who Veronica/Alice is going to choose.

I saw that coming.

Great story - very well written and erotic writing good setup fir the next chapter