A Fool Such As I

"No, its Sandra's company. I signed it all over to her when I left."

"I think you had better talk to Sandra about that one, Boss."

At that moment the door burst open and Derek charged into the room.

"For Christ's sake, Mike, when the hell did you get back?" was his greeting to me.

"Yesterday! Why? Am I banned from the country or something?" I was angry with Derek; his question was like a challenge to me.

"I didn't mean it like that, Mike. It's just I thought you would let me know you were coming, that's all. I would have liked to have had time to get things prepared."

"Well, you know I'm here now. So you don't have to worr---y...." Derek had left the door open and my attention had been taken by a young girl of about ten years old who was standing in the doorway staring at me. The receptionist appeared and tried to pull the child away.

"No, leave me alone!" the girl said angrily. Wrenching herself from the woman's grasp she boldly walked into the room. Slowly she made her way towards me and I suddenly felt very uncomfortable.

"I want to see my father!" she said. Both her eyes and mine filled with tears. I knew the young girl was my daughter; she looked just like my little sister had as a child.

Nothing further was said for the next few minutes as I went down on my knees and the child came into my arms and embraced me. I looked up at Derek with questioning and tearing eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mike, but every time I tried to tell you, you cut me off," Derek blurted out. Then with an exasperated look on his face. "What the hell was I supposed to do?"

"Would you kindly leave us alone, gentlemen?" a very familiar woman's voice said.

I hadn't noticed that Sandra had entered the room whilst I was concentrating on my daughter. Derek and Roger couldn't get out of the room fast enough and they closed the door behind them.

"Hello, Mike, I see you have met Alana. I would like to have introduced you properly."

"Hi, Sandra. She gave me a bit of a shock there. Why did no one tell me about her?"

"Mike, with your temper, no one could tell you anything. Derek tried to tell you plenty of times. I was in his office once when he tried to tell you that I was pregnant on the phone. The moment he mentioned me, you hung up on him."

"I'm sorry, but I was pretty pissed off with you at the time."

"Are you still pissed off with me now?"

"I don't really know. I suppose I am after finding out what you did."

"I think I can understand your anger but you really had everything wrong. Alana, please go outside with Uncle Derek for a little while? Your Daddy and I have some things we have to talk about. Don't worry, I'm sure he won't be going anywhere for the time being."

Alana extracted herself from my arms. "You won't leave without saying good bye to me, will you, Daddy?"

"I haven't said 'hello' to you yet. I've got to get to know you. I'm not going anywhere until I've got to know all about you." My mind was in a complete daze really. What do you say to a ten-year-old daughter that you didn't know you had?

When Alana had left, I began to get angry with Sandra for not telling me about her. Damn, I was angry with Derek as well. Jesus, I think I got angry with everyone in the world as I watched Alana go through that door. I turned to Sandra and I'm sure she could see the anger in my eyes.

"Sit down, Mike, and just listen for a while," Sandra demanded.

I don't know why I just did as she asked. I was angry but in the ensuing years since I'd last seen Sandra I had learnt to control my temper a little.

"First you weren't told about Alana because you were married to Liou by the time I knew she was yours. We, I, didn't want to drop a spanner into your marriage to her. I knew I'd messed up things between us and I didn't want to mess up things for you and Liou."

I started to say something.

"Please be quiet and listen, Mike. I knew I was pregnant when you left but I didn't know if it was your baby or not. That's what I was so upset about in those weeks before you left. I can just imagine how you felt when you found out you had chlamydia. Christ, it was a shock for me! But please believe me, I never cheated on our marriage. I was raped!"

My mouth must have dropped open. You know how it goes, too much information in much too little time. My mind was struggling to take in what Sandra was saying. She was claiming that she had been raped. But if she had why hadn't she told me, or reported it to the police.

"Oh! And just what would you have done if I had told you?" Sandra had pre-empted my question.

"I'll tell you! You'd have gone rushing up there like a bloody avenging hero and probably killed the guy. I knew what your temper was like. You'd have beaten him to death without thinking of the consequences!"

I had to admit Sandra was right. I'd have killed anyone who did that to my woman. I'd have killed anyone who did anything to harm my family. Wasn't that why I had gone away when I thought Sandra had betrayed me?

"But why didn't you go to the police?"

"It's complicated, Mike. Let me start at the beginning and tell you what happened. With a little luck you might understand. Shall we have some tea and I'll tell you the whole story."

Sandra got up, stuck her head out the door and asked for someone to make us some tea. I heard her assuring every one that we were all right and then she came back and sat down.

"Damn, Mike, I fucked things up big time!" she said as she sat down again. "You remember that big conference I went to in Manchester. Well, it was about reorganising the whole damn company. Control of my department was passed to a different director and he announced they were going to take some of my staff and responsibilities away from me. Effectively demoting me."

"I was pissed off. I'd run that department for a couple of years by then and in that time we had been really successful. But that bastard Thompson planned to dismantle the whole little kingdom I had built up. Well, I couldn't argue it out around that conference table; I just had to sit there and listen."

"I hoped I would be able talk Thompson out of it later in the day. But that day's conference didn't break up until quite late and when we got out, Thompson went straight out to dinner with the old man, Sir Robert Mortlake, the companies chairman. I had dinner alone and then sat in the bar quietly festering. I'll tell you the truth, I think I had much too much to drink but I was upset."

"Anyway around ten I went up to my room. I'm afraid I hit the bottle there as well, I don't know. I probably wasn't thinking straight by then and after a couple more drinks decided to call Thompson's suite and give him a piece of my mind. I got no answer at first. He must have still been out; I don't know how many times I called but in the end he answered. I started going off the deep end at him but he was most conciliatory to me."

"He apologised that his plan had upset me and suggested I go up to his suite and discuss it. I could hear other people talking in the background so I thought I wouldn't be alone with him. I figured it would be all right. When I got up there, Sir Robert and some of his cronies were there. As a matter of fact Sir Robert was just leaving just as I arrived and seemed very surprised to see me so I gathered Thompson had not told him I was going up to the suite."

There was a knock at the door and Roger came in carrying a tea tray. As he left Sandra started to pour the tea for both of us. Then she continued.

"After a few minutes, everyone except Thompson and his secretary Gail had left the room. I started to tell Thompson that he was going to break up the really good team I had built up and he appeared to agree with me. Then he suddenly told me I could keep my department if I slept with him."

"I told him he had to be kidding. But he came over, tried to put his arms around me and kiss me. He said if I played my cards right I would be on the board before I knew it. I pushed him away, slapped him around the face, and told him I did not trade my body for position or power. I looked towards his secretary for her support but she just turned away and went into one of the bedrooms.

"You've got to remember that I was quite drunk. Thompson just came at me and over-powered me. He dragged me into his bedroom after Gail. Then he held me down whilst Gail took off my clothes. Once I was naked Gail took over holding me down and Thompson raped me. I really just can't tell you what they did to me. But Thompson raped me not just once but several times and all the time Gail was holding me down."

"Didn't you scream?"

"Yes, when I could I bloody did, but that penthouse suite was on the top floor. I don't think anyone could have heard me. Thompson just wasn't worried about how much noise I made. He just kept laughing and that bitch Gail was egging him on. I don't remember all of what happened I think I must have passed out. When I woke up I was back in my own room."

"I didn't know what to do. The first thing I could think of was to go and see Sir Robert Mortlake. He was staying in the other building so I got dressed and rushed over to see him. When I got to his suite I got the biggest shock of my life. Sir Robert told me that Thompson had already been to see him. Thompson supported by his secretary had told him that I had propositioned and seduced him and then tried to get him to change his mind about the changes to my department."

"Thompson told the old man that I had threatened to cry rape if he didn't leave my department as it was. What the hell could I do? Thompson had out manoeuvred me and he had a witness. If I cried rape, Thompson would have cried blackmail.

"Then I had a real problem and a more important one to my mind. If I told you what happened, would you believe me, and if you did how the hell was I going to stop you from killing Thompson. I knew your temper; I didn't want you spending years behind bars. Sir Robert Mortlake told me that he would forget about my allegations if I said no more about it and he would make sure I could keep my job.

"I tried to put it to the back of my mind and pretend it didn't happen. But then I missed a period and I suspected I was pregnant. The trouble I had then was whether the child was yours or Thompson's? I was still trying to get my mind around that problem, when I got home from that seminar, find you had gone and the letter from the STD clinic was on the hall table."

"Honestly, Mike, I didn't know which way to turn. In a way you leaving saved me the heartache of trying to explain all this to you. Mike, I loved you, and I think I understood why you went. I knew you couldn't trust your temper. When Derek tried to push me into telling him what had happened, I wouldn't tell him at first."

"But as it got more and more obvious that I was pregnant, I told Derek everything. By then he had the divorce you demanded in gear so, foolishly I let it go through. I thought if she was yours we would tell you about Alana after she was born somehow. We would have a paternity test done and then tell you. Exactly what you wanted to do then would be in your hands, but I wanted you back. Derek went to Italy to tell you about Alana but you...."

"So that's why Derek suddenly turned up just after the wedding?

"Yes, you pre-empted us didn't you? You got married to Liou! I was terribly upset when you did that. Derek came back and told me after talking to the Marsh's. Did you know they were very worried about your mental condition at the time? They thought you were only just getting your head sorted out. Derek thought it was better not to tell you. Since you had married Liou, he thought it was better to let sleeping dogs lie for a while."

"Oh, Christ, I'm sorry, Sandra, but I was in a hell of a state. Liou was a friend and gave me a lot of support."

"I know. I'm not daft. You thought I had cheated on you. I know how much you put into our marriage and I know you had no choice but to believe I cheated on you. If I had told you I had been raped, I know you would have been there for me. You had every right to believe what you did."

"Damn, I should have spoken to you. I should have been there when you needed me. Damn, where can I find this arsehole Thompson."

"There you go already. That's why I never told you in the first place. Anyway you won't find him because he's moved to the U.S. Please forget about Thompson. What about us? What are you intending to do now?"

"God, I don't really know. What about you and your husband? How's he going to feel about me being around?"

"What husband are you talking about? You are the only husband I've ever had."

"But you sold the house. I assumed you were getting married again when you did that."

"No, that was our house. Yours and mine. I sold it because I couldn't live in it without you being there. Every room reminded me of you. I moved out within weeks of you leaving. I couldn't live there without you."

"But you kept it for four years."

"I was hoping you would come back. I had Tony Marsh watching how your marriage to Liou was going. When you appeared to be happily settled with her, I sold it. It hurt me too much to keep it knowing I'd lost you."

"Sandra, I really don't know what I'm going to do. I can't expect to just walk back into your life after all these years."

"I'll be upset about it but can understand that you don't want to come back into my life, but will you please come into Alana's life? She needs her father."

"Bloody hell, Sandra, I didn't say I didn't want to be part of your life. Look, I walked out on you when you needed me. I divorced you and married Liou. Whilst you were bringing up our daughter on your own, I was swaning around in Italy."

"So you don't love me anymore!"

"Damn it, Sandra, of course I love you. I've always loved you. I hate to say this but when I married Liou I was trying to forget you. Liou became my life and I fell in love with her. But you were always there in my heart. I didn't forget you and I never stopped loving you. I just can't see how you can accept me back."

"Okay, if you're willing then let's try to get back together. Look, Mike, we can only try. I have always loved you. Alana has had half a family for too long. Let's see if we can make a proper family for her. Will you try?"

Sandra got out of her chair and walked around the desk. Without ceremony she plonked herself on my lap, then she lent down and kissed me. Jesus, that felt good, exactly how long that kiss lasted I can't tell you. But it appeared to wipe out ten years of anguish.

The sudden silence in the office must have been noted outside as after a while the door opened.

"It's all right. They haven't killed each other. They're just saying hello properly." Alana's voice filled the room, "I hope I get some cuddles now mother has you back to cosy up with, Daddy, and I don't expect to see all this sloppy stuff all the time."

Sandra and I broke our kiss. We both held out a free arm and Alana came over and joined us.

+++++++++++++

So you want an epilogue. If I don't tidy up, I know you will all be wondering what happened in the long term.

Sandra and I did the registry office bit about six months later. The three of us -Soon to be four - are living in Sandra's flat at the moment. We've just heard our old house is back on the market so we intend to put in an offer for it. Things between Sandra and myself will probably never be the same as they were when we were married before, but then we are not the same people. We are both older and hopefully wiser. I know we are much more appreciative of each other.

As for Sir Robert Mortlake, it all turned nasty for that slimy old bugger - I'm damn sure he knew exactly what had gone on in that hotel room. It appears that he also picked up an STD somewhere. Of course he passed it on to his wife and she had taken him to the cleaners whilst I was still in Italy. That will teach him to employ Thompson's secretary when Thompson left the company. No, Sandra did not pass her letter from the clinic on; it was the best revenge she could think of at the time.

After a good deal of hunting I managed to track down Gail. You didn't think I was going to let sleeping dogs lie, did you? Gail is sterile; I think I told you sometimes there are no symptoms with Chlamydia. The long-term complications can be quite nasty. Gail had gotten married to some guy, but he's divorced her now as he says he wants children. Personally I don't think he liked what some bugger told him about the kind of woman he was married to.

As for Thompson, he's in a wheelchair nowadays. Some nasty person backed a car over him - twice or was it three times? I was a little emotional and can't quite remember. I don't think he will be raping any more women.

Life goes on.

Authors Note:

It is widely believed that the vast majority of rapes go unreported. In many cases the victims know their attacker, who is quite often, an acquaintance, a work colleague or a relative. The victims are often ashamed of what has happened, or they think they will not be believed in court.

A rather frighten piece of research published in the UK recently, revealed that an alarmingly high percentage of people thought that women brought rape upon themselves, by dressing or behaving provocatively. Or even, believe it or not, just by being drunk. Sometimes I despair of the world we live in.

The Wanderer