All Comments on 'A Holiday Adventure'

Had the makings of a good story, but was a bit too rushed. There was no build up of sexual tension, and I doubt the sibs would go right into anal on the first time. Save that for a sequel. I liked the writing, though - it flowed nicely. 'Was surprised when I checked, to find no sequel as promised. Maybe try again with a new version.

Nice!!!!!!!

this is less than half a story no background as to what the relationship was between them before this an unrealistic rush to sex and no end all in all a waste of time and space. i suggest you either delete this so called story until you are ready to post the second chapter or post the second chapter NOW.

I deducted 3* because of the anal.

You did a really great job for your first submission, loving, curious, happy sex. Please write more, and please do not take constructive comments too hard. Perhaps a bit more of a buildup, a little more detail in the feelings, both sexual and emotional, would be nice. You'll get better and better, because you write from the heart, have a playfulness about you, a sense of humor, all of which go to making a great writer. Loved it!

You had the potential to make a very erotic story but you rushed the sex into it too fast.

You needed to entice the mind with seduction. Here there was no seduction.

The get a room then all of a sudden then are fucking!!

...but sweet. Down to the point, I like it! A horny brother fucking his horny sister! Waiting for chapter two

i love it , please have more for us .

Tell us more!

Finish it - the begining is fantastic! Don't quit now..............

Thanks for the story. Some will say its to this or to that others may say neh. But I say keep on writing. The story is great as it is. I am sure that their story will grow.

Thanks

Can't wait till the next chapter. Thanks for the time and effort it was enjoyable.

hopfully you wont make the mistake some do and have this be only a vacation only relationship. once started it hurts when it ends without thought.

way to rushed and short you gave no background as to their relationship before this and no reason for us to care about them this needs a total rewrite by a GOOD writer

I wouldn't change a thing. It happened in a similar way to me and my brother and we are now living as man and wife with three perfectly happy children. Nobody knows about us being bro and sis.

While I appreciate a quick read, this seemed to move awfully fast. No tension, no second thoughts, no "but you're my sister... we can't do this" moments? I liked it, but I think a little more buildup would make the conclusion that much more satisfying. I look forward to the next chapter!