All Comments on 'A Hot Night in Paris Ch. 01'

I liked the story line, loved the plot, but the changing from one speaker to the other without some kind of clue was confusing. It would have been better if you would have stayed with one point of view, and one tense. Otherwise a very good story....

VERY,VERY,VERY GOOD

i loved the story - great sense of love and commitment - just your use of grammer left me a little confused.

Switching from first to third person confuses the heck out of the reader; but switching from one person's PoV to another's is almost as bad, and the signals are much more subtle and likely to confuse us! If you want to switch from Helen's PoV to Danny's, then at least put a ---- or ******* or _______ or something to tell us that's what's happening.

While this is one of the better stories on this site, a constant source of confusion and annoyance was the rapidfire changes in POV and person. One second he's I, the next he's Danny, the next we're getting his thoughts, the next we're getting what he was "probably" thinking as if we're back to her POV... and normally, 'second' would be meant figuratively, but here it's so rapidfire it's impossible to keep up with, to the point that I wonder how even *you* know who's talking from one sentence to the next. Next time, decide once and for all whose point of view it's being told from, and whether it's going to be first person or third, and stay with it. Or do as some writers do and make some chapters his and some hers. Anyway, this was a very good story, and I look forward to the next chapter... assuming I'll know who's who from one line to the next.

What more can be said ? A really good story, I got used to the constant change of person telling the story. Superb.

Very well-written overall. Your premise was perfect, especially the part about she always liked Danny's attention. The transition felt very natural once Brad dumps her and Danny goes to Paris and it's what I would have expected (the direction I would have expected to be led in by the story).

You write well not only in sentence and paragraph structure but also in your story line. Enjoyed it and actually felt for the two lovers. I could sense where it was leading to, dump Brad and keep her brother. I am sure that is where your sentiments are also. No sluts here or wanton garbage as in most stories, but this story is believable especially when they are in Paris. viva la france, viva amore

The changes between perspectives took away from the story. The transitions weren't clear, and could have been done better. Otherwise, I enjoyed it.

I really enjoyed this story with it's soft feel for the ambiance of Paris. It did take me a minuet to get comfortable with the constant shift in perspective but then I was able to read it as she-said-he-said. I was also most appreciative of the total lack of vulgar language. Thank you for a most pleasant read . . . .

i was able to ignore a few errors and enjoy the story. very good.