All Comments on 'A Less Than Perfect Family X-mas'

Slightly sad, very sweet, truly hot. Loved it.

But this story was painful to read. It has some great stuff hidden within it though, I promise you that.

Make the adjectives go away, firstly. Not too bad on them, but they are there and they are bothersome.

Maintain a point of view. That's the biggest one to be found. Or, if you must switch the POV in such a short story put a clear scene break to forewarn the reader.

Finally, and this is a biggy too, show the reader, don't tell them. Show how things are happening and let the reader experience it first hand - almost as though they were a fly on the wall. Telling us what happens is not exciting.

You've got some really great dialogue, but all the adjective laden introspection behind it hurts it. That and I recall a fair amount of redundancy as well that could be cleaned up.

I'm writing this comment not to be spiteful, but to offer critiquing help. Obviously I liked something in this story, and I think it could be really good if it was cleaned up.